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nate3993
10-23-2013, 12:29 AM
So I'm almost 21 and I just had to breakup with someone for the first time. First relationship ever. First person I ever gave my heart to and I was the one that did the breaking up. They were older, not very mature, not goal oriented with life, and I just knew it wasn't gonna work out later down the road and I had to let go. Any of you guys had to do the same thing? How'd you'd deal with it? I just never wanted to be the one to cause heartbreak, but it had to happen.

Cobalt
10-23-2013, 06:09 AM
Had to let go of my first gf back in high school. She was nice when we met, but fell into the wrong crowd and did a 180. I really pushed for her to clean it up, but she didn't care. I just let her go and walked away from it.

Wasn't easy and I still check in on her from time to time (NOT STALKING). We were only together for about a year, so it wasn't really really bad, but being the first one did make it different.

I dealt with it like I do anything else, I got distracted with things I enjoy. I wasn't a gym junkie back then, so I ended up putting in many sleepless nights working on my computers and such.

Oh, and loud music. That helps for some reason, lol.

BoneDaddy
10-23-2013, 06:20 AM
I've had to go through that more than once and it sucks, man. Time was my biggest help and my biggest enemy. Occupy yourself and do stuff with friends, do NOT sit around and dwell on it, it will eat you from the inside. Sounds like it was for the best, it will probably become more evident for you in time.

It's an old saying, but I'll drop it here anyway.....'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!' That actually works, too! lol

burlyman30
10-23-2013, 08:03 AM
Sorry to hear. While BD's advice is effective at "getting over" the breakup, it's really not the healthiest way to do that. Having a period to be yourself as a single guy is healthy mentally. You get a chance to heal, be introspective and retrospective, and process what you've gone through. This makes you better, for yourself and for the next partner.

Grape Ape
10-23-2013, 08:04 AM
Occupy your time well. Get back in the gym, and def go out with the guys as much as possible.

Hank!
10-23-2013, 10:37 AM
Nate; time heals all wounds, I have had many a break up and 2 divorces. My one word of advice is not to do like I did and fk everything in sight and become a human wrecking ball in other peoples lives.

Oh and say hi to your mother for me. ....JK.... (too soon?)

nate3993
10-23-2013, 11:48 AM
Sorry to hear. While BD's advice is effective at "getting over" the breakup, it's really not the healthiest way to do that. Having a period to be yourself as a single guy is healthy mentally. You get a chance to heal, be introspective and retrospective, and process what you've gone through. This makes you better, for yourself and for the next partner.

Yeah. Jumping in the sack with someone is so not what I'm gonna do. I may think about the idea, and maybe talk to people, but giving my body to anyone else in a sexual way just so doesn't sound attractive at all at this time. It was only 4 months, but this seriously was the only relationship I've ever had and I really did love the guy. I guess I let love get the best of me cuz I really thought I had found my husband. That stings pretty bad too. At least I know now to not expect marriage of every person I enter a relationship with, but can u blame a guy for dreaming? Anyway, thanks for the advice guys. Pretty awesome that I could post something like this and actually get good responses. Doubt many other forums operate like this. Much appreciated guys.

xxiv
10-23-2013, 01:56 PM
break off a relationship if you don't feel like it's 100%. If one of those skeletons comes peeking out of his closet or the baggage starts to build up run screaming. If it's not working, it's just not working, move on. Don't feel bad about walking away, feel bad if you stay and settle, go out and find what you deserve.


Stressing and debating will drive you crazy. relax and enjoy youself. You have to keep yourself sane and be availalable for when mr right comes by unexpectedly.

pman42
10-23-2013, 03:16 PM
I was right there once, I thought I had found the woman I was going to spend my life with and she ended it. Twice. the first time she wasn't ready emotionally, serious trust and commitment issues and I was the first guy who had been just good to her. she asked me not to call or text her and I respected that for almost a year until one day I was like, fuck it. and I called her. turns out she had been missing me and we got back together. then after a short time back together she broke it off. this time i freaked out, since she had promised not to end it again. i spiralled down into heavy drinking, emotional instability. and yeah i used other women to get over it. wasn't good.

looking back it was good that it happened since it would have led to even larger heartbreak in the future, but if i could go back i would slap myself around and tell myself to fuckin get it together. one thing i did do that i was glad i had was heavy weight training, sometimes i would go do legs then come home and drank til i passed out. but at least the workouts gave me a goal and a reason to get out of bed.

Cobalt
10-23-2013, 03:53 PM
I really did love the guy.

What.

LOL, just kidding.

Spend some time to yourself, being single. I've been with my wife for 10 years (not married, just together) and I know there have been a lot of times when it would have been awesome to be single. Not in a sexual way or anything, but I get the desire to hop in the car and just go on a road trip somewhere for no reason.
Being married? Ball-and-chain.