Stryker's life log

[strykers12]

hi this is my first post. my name is alex. i am 28. this is my life log. I am not sure how often i post but will post if there is any significant progress. i have been an on and off lifter for a decade. around november i suffered from an adverse drug reaction and experienced a crazy hormonal and mental crash as a result. nothing has been the same since. its time to pick up the pieces and get back in the iron game. At my peak 2 years ago I DL 405, Squat 335, Bench 170 at 5'8.5'' 165. I am nowhere near that now and will start off with some light exercise.

for those interested, initial blood works below taken in november. i am currently on clomid 25 mwf for the past 3 weeks and will be taking new bloods in a couple of weeks. i am not sure what is the long term plan with clomid as i already have preexisting vision issues.

11-1-14 BW

TSH 0.545 (0.450-4.5)
T4, Free(Direct) 1.5 (0.82-1.77)

Lipid Panel
TC 219 HIGH (100-199)
TG 84 (0-149)
HDL 78 (>39)
VLDL 17 (5-40)
LDL 124 HIGH (0-99)

Serum Test 239 LOW (348-1197)
Free Test 5.7 LOW (9.3-26.5)

LH 1.2 LOW (1.7-8.6)
FSH 3 (1.5-12.4)

DHT 31 (30-85)
3A Androstanediol-G 206 (112-1046)

DHEA-Sulfate 371.2 (138.5-475.2)

Cortisol 13.6 (2.3-19.4)

Prolactin 3.5 LOW (4-15.2)

Estradiol 9 (7.6-42.6)

Androstenedione 45 (44-186)

Prostate Specific Ag 0.5 (0-4)

IFG-1 191 (98-282)

Vit D 15.2 LOW (30-100)

Insulin 5.3 (2.6-24.9)

Ferritin, Serum 371 (30-400)

Triiodothyronine, Free, Serum 1.9 LOW (2-4.4)

SHBG, Serum 40 (16.5-55.9)

11-31-14 BW

Free T3 2.8 (2-4.4)
Free T4 1.35 (0.82-1.77)
TSH 2.5 (0.450-4.5)

Vit D 23.7 (30-100) LOW

E2 13.7 (7.6-42.6)

Prolactin 4.6 (4-15.2)

FSH 3.3 (1.5-12.4)
LH 2.1 (1.7-8.6)

Serum Test 338 (348-1197) LOW
Free Test 10.5 (9.3-26.5)

[English]

Hi Strykers,
I am personally not a fan of you being on clomid, because your LH is low and your T is also low, which mirrors my opening blood panels. This IMO is a secondary hypogonadal issue brought about by high stress - You have basically shit yourself and continue to do so and this will always result in bloods that look like that.
Clomid will almost certainly bring your T to 500 or 600 but it will also raise E and SHBG which will likely give you no physical benefit from the higher T numbers, with the slight exception of working your leydig cells a bit. In fact one half of clomid mimmicks Estrogen which most ensures the effects mentioned.

When you come off it, your system will very likely return to previously low numbers.

I salute you for being in the ring swinging, but i would say the start for you should be about calming your mind. Your thyroid looks good (to me) and your cortisol looks good so already you are many steps ahead of many of the guys who burn those out with stress etc.
Your vit D is way too low and you need to start taking a good D3 supplement daily - also get out in the sun, as often as you can as very low vit D will almost always equate to low T.

You have already told me you are about to undertake the regimen of CDSNUTS - great, but don't start fasting yet as you are not ready. Both CD and i fairly recently started listening to Holosync from Centrepoint (google it)
I strongly suggest you start on that, and also read mind over medicine by Lisa Rankin, who explains the stress response and how to bring about the relaxation response, which will repair you and allow positive hormones to circulate. The important thing about that book is the fact that she evidences the result of the relaxation response in hundreds of people - many her own patients (she is an MD) so you finish the book in no doubt as to the efficacy of it, and if you haven't realised this yet, much of what is needed to recover is in the mind + Time.
You need to start there IMO.
Then your T will start to rise and so will E - when your E is a little high (which it will be), you will then start the process of reducing it by natural means or by use of an AI - this will lower E, which raises T (by manipulating the negative feedback loop - but in a far healthier way than clomid) the extra androgen and lower E will drop SHBG, which will free up loads more T.
You will then feel loads better, but not recovered, as there is some weird receptor or signallying issue going on as well that nobody yet understands, however the situation improves gradually over time until fully recovered.
That is the future.
For now, you need to get your mind sorted, which will take months of holosync, deep breathing, mantras and commitment and belief, and alongside it, i advise that you take the supplements outlined in CD's thread, exercise when you can, and get out in the sun, also walk alot and listen to music when you do to calm your mind.
Finally, do ensure you post on here, and we will chat with you, tell us how you are getting on. You can't do this shit alone.
Oh, and change your password on PH to one you'll never remember, get the fuck off that board and never return, other than to post your recovery post.
Hopefully someone better than me on hormones will check out your bloods and comment etc. however i am pretty sure about the bits i have commented on as i have had to manipulate all of those things myself.
Take it easy.

[entropy]

I sound like an ass for saying this but I won't be returning to post a recovery. I fucking hate those guys. Welcome Styker, I have to say this else i'll be worrying all day but this isn't and never will be a propecia forum, lose the victim mentality and anything else you learned there fast, treat the guys here with respect and you'll definitely start to feel better quickly, listen to your body, keep an open mind and try to put this behind you. It does get better.

You're on the right track by getting away from there anyway, just do us all a favour and don't mention this place to the other guys over there ;)

[English]

I sound like an ass for saying this but I won't be returning to post a recovery. I fucking hate those guys. Welcome Styker, I have to say this else i'll be worrying all day but this isn't and never will be a propecia forum, lose the victim mentality and anything else you learned there fast, treat the guys here with respect and you'll definitely start to feel better quickly, listen to your body, keep an open mind and try to put this behind you. It does get better.

You're on the right track by getting away from there anyway, just do us all a favour and don't mention this place to the other guys over there ;)

Yeah i second that, the good guys on PH get blocked out by the sheer volume of twats. I was thinking of asking you not to mention here too, but thought that was going a bit far! Nice one Entropy! Losing the victim mentality - so important.

[strykers12]

i stopped posting on there a couple of weeks ago. i realized everything that can be said has already been said on that site. the rest is up to the individual and the study findings whenever they will be completed. dont worry, i wont tell anyone about this place. even i was pretty hesitant on joining this forum because i didnt want to bring any bad vibes.

Vitamin D
I take at least 10,000U of Vit D per day. I may switch to a liquid formulation though for better absorption.

Clomid
I am not a fan of being on Clomid either. Doc wants me on it long term so the T will be at consistent levels. I will take new bloods in a couple of weeks and will see how T, E2, SHBG has changed. The end goal is not to be on anything. I plan on rotating some test boosters to go with the clomid.

Fasting
I was going to start off with a fast on Wednesday but will not based on your recommendation. I'll start off with Paleo, lifting, holosync, meditation, Test boosters, and other vitamins/minerals

Thanks for the support. I will keep you guys posted on any progress.

[Cdsnuts]

Yeah i second that, the good guys on PH get blocked out by the sheer volume of twats. I was thinking of asking you not to mention here too, but thought that was going a bit far! Nice one Entropy! Losing the victim mentality - so important.

That site is toxic. Granted, it helped shine let on what the hell was wrong with me, but not a good place to spend your time. And I also agree with you two about not having an influx of negativity come here. I've been here since (this and the old PP site) for quite some time and I managed to stay hidden here. I maybe mentioned propecia a few times, and that was it. I never got into it with these guys. No need. It was stupid of me to keep the same screen name, but never did I imagine my posts would reach so many. Lesson learned there. I'm not sure how you guys even found me.....

[Cdsnuts]

i stopped posting on there a couple of weeks ago. i realized everything that can be said has already been said on that site. the rest is up to the individual and the study findings whenever they will be completed. dont worry, i wont tell anyone about this place. even i was pretty hesitant on joining this forum because i didnt want to bring any bad vibes.

Vitamin D
I take at least 10,000U of Vit D per day. I may switch to a liquid formulation though for better absorption.

Clomid
I am not a fan of being on Clomid either. Doc wants me on it long term so the T will be at consistent levels. I will take new bloods in a couple of weeks and will see how T, E2, SHBG has changed. The end goal is not to be on anything. I plan on rotating some test boosters to go with the clomid.

Fasting
I was going to start off with a fast on Wednesday but will not based on your recommendation. I'll start off with Paleo, lifting, holosync, meditation, Test boosters, and other vitamins/minerals

Thanks for the support. I will keep you guys posted on any progress.

In regards to the regimen you're about to undertake, I just want to mention, in case it was missed, that I never took any pharmaceuticals to get where I am today. Now, you're in capable hands here, but (and correct me if I'm wrong) I've yet to hear of anyone who's healed completely while still using pharms as a crutch. It can be done naturally.

[strykers12]

i found this site awhile ago when searching the net for andro hard.

reading english's shbg thread prompted me to register.

point taken on everyone's comments on the clomid use. i will reevaluate my use of it in the coming weeks.

[English]

i found this site awhile ago when searching the net for andro hard.

reading english's shbg thread prompted me to register.

point taken on everyone's comments on the clomid use. i will reevaluate my use of it in the coming weeks.

Other than being useful as part of a PCT (for otherwise healthy guys) clomid is a very useful testing tool to check you are not primary hypo, that is about it, unless you are one in a thousand who's SHBG is naturally so low that is almost helpful for it to be raised to 20/25 - i have seen one example of this during a great deal of research. You have high SHGB, so you are not that person.
Doctors often like to see the headline T position raised and then think they've done their job, but do you feel better?
So yeah, get off clomid, but get your bloods checked first to check you are not primary, which i doubt you are.
Remember, there appears no reason at all in guys post fin for their T production to be diminished other than stress and high E. There are a great deal of examples of post fin guys with solid T, so you don't need clomid or anything else, other than, perhaps some anti E measures once you get your mind in order.
It is almost certainly - especially from the way you write - a mental issue as you sound stressed to fuck to me, which is understandable, but believe me, there is no point in doing many of the practical regimen measures if you are in a state of panic. You just need to calmly process it all and then start the regimen. When you are feeling more mentally stable after doing some work on the things already suggested, then try the fasting etc. associated with cd's recovery.
All the best.

[English]

That site is toxic. Granted, it helped shine let on what the hell was wrong with me, but not a good place to spend your time. And I also agree with you two about not having an influx of negativity come here. I've been here since (this and the old PP site) for quite some time and I managed to stay hidden here. I maybe mentioned propecia a few times, and that was it. I never got into it with these guys. No need. It was stupid of me to keep the same screen name, but never did I imagine my posts would reach so many. Lesson learned there. I'm not sure how you guys even found me.....

I don't think you or we need worry too much. I for one knew you were here many months before coming here - how? one of the guys on PH noted your screenname on swole and mentioned it, so if people were going to flock here from PH, then they already would have done so.
I personally came here because Entropy kept suggesting it and certainly not because you were here, as i respected the fact that your methods are already detailed on PH. I read up on maybe 30 recoveries both on PH and elsewhere, and i built a regimen around the common denominators. your recovery was one of the most prominent, but it was still just one of 30 odd.
I personally don't mind in the least people coming here with issues such as post fin, provided they are not the hysterical type talking about topping themselves and claiming it's incurable etc. For me it costs nothing to give some advice or an encouraging word. It costs a great deal if they are scaring me with a whole bunch of negativity and research suggesting i am doomed! That's where it changes.
Just looking around this place, i see all sorts of people with other serious issues, hooked on meds etc. and i don't see many obviously ex fin guys. I think we are fairly safe. The moment we get the hysterical type, unlike on PH, he will be outnumbered and will have to step into line.

[English]

Strykers, one final thing from me, When you start with the paleo diet, exercise, mind stuff etc. just go easy on yourself. What i mean is be kind to yourself, and don't get despondent because you did something wrong or whatever. It is extremely difficult to suddenly go paleo or organic etc. and it creates a stress of its own, for this reason, i recommend you ease into the process, perfecting things here and there as you go.
For me, it took months to gain the strength and discipline to lead a virtually perfect lifestyle - now i enjoy it - and you can't just get there overnight, not without creating so much stress that it counteracts what you are doing.
Remember, all those supplements, exercise, diet etc. will raise T in a normal healthy and happy individual by maybe 30 or 40% max over the long term. So from 550 to 750 (would probably be typical) which is great and can make them love life rather than just liking it, but subject that same person to prolonged and severe stress, and their T levels will always plummet to around 300. This happens both from stress of the mind, as well as stress from chronic over exercising, as evidenced by the many cases of transient secondary hypogonadism that doctors deal with in distance runners.
So do the regimen by all means, but do it while focusing number one (by a mile) on healing your mind.

[entropy]

I didn't come here for you either, cdnuts, I'd read everything important you had to say and moved on. I think I came here looking for diet advice actually. Came for the knowledge and stuck around for the awesome people and environment. I'm very close to over this whole fin debacle now and I just come here cause I like the place. I don't want to even think about fin ever again.

Weird as it sounds though... It's one of the best things that ever happened to me.

[Cdsnuts]

I didn't come here for you either, cdnuts, I'd read everything important you had to say and moved on. I think I came here looking for diet advice actually. Came for the knowledge and stuck around for the awesome people and environment. I'm very close to over this whole fin debacle now and I just come here cause I like the place. I don't want to even think about fin ever again.

Weird as it sounds though... It's one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Gee....thanks. lol.

You know, I've had that same thought quite alot over the past two years or so. I would have never been living the way I am now had I not had that shit storm happen to me. Because of it, I've learned so much about myself and health in general. It's made me a completely different person. The things I've learned and the way I live will be staples for the rest of my life. When you know what it feels like to have your man hood taken from you, you know it's something you never want to lose again and you need to keep at all costs. When I see young over weight guys doing nothing but letting themselves slip into oblivion, I wonder if they really know what it is they are letting go?

[English]

Gee....thanks. lol.

You know, I've had that same thought quite alot over the past two years or so. I would have never been living the way I am now had I not had that shit storm happen to me. Because of it, I've learned so much about myself and health in general. It's made me a completely different person. The things I've learned and the way I live will be staples for the rest of my life. When you know what it feels like to have your man hood taken from you, you know it's something you never want to lose again and you need to keep at all costs. When I see young over weight guys doing nothing but letting themselves slip into oblivion, I wonder if they really know what it is they are letting go?

Young and very overweight people in general have always pissed me off, what a waste of life just to eat sugar - it's kinda insulting in a way to all the people in life born disabled or whatever who never got even the chance of a healthy body.
The same thought of being glad about dealing with this stuff has often crossed my mind too, although i need another year of clear water before that one solidifies i think!
For me it is pretty obvious that we will benefit from talking about this experience for a few years yet - particularly in the past tense, less and less each month and year that goes by, but this is the way the mind deals with things and heals, both you guys already know that, but maybe it's hard to admit.
CD thinks choosing the same screen name was stupid? I would say that's your internal voice deliberately choosing it as the trauma still needs to work through etc. and choosing anonimity is choosing not ever to speak to anyone again about it (who truly knows about it)
It's like coming back from Iraq or Afghan - squaddies get together for years after and chat about stuff, but almost never to anyone not involved. Those that don't do so or get counselling often suffer in later years.
I can't wait to move on from this and never speak of it again, but in reality, it will be a while yet probably. I guess one easy way of getting this out of the system and affirming it as in the past - for oneself - is simply to help a few others on the way.
Will be interesting to see how Strykers gets on without the life force being sucked out of him on PH.

[entropy]

Gee....thanks. lol.

You know, I've had that same thought quite alot over the past two years or so. I would have never been living the way I am now had I not had that shit storm happen to me. Because of it, I've learned so much about myself and health in general. It's made me a completely different person. The things I've learned and the way I live will be staples for the rest of my life. When you know what it feels like to have your man hood taken from you, you know it's something you never want to lose again and you need to keep at all costs. When I see young over weight guys doing nothing but letting themselves slip into oblivion, I wonder if they really know what it is they are letting go?

Hahaha. Don't take that the wrong way bro, I think you're fucking awesome. You're just not the only reason I'm here.

That's exactly how I feel though. Great explanation though, I wonder how much better things can be. I feel great nowadays. Better than ever most of the time.

[English]

Hahaha. Don't take that the wrong way bro, I think you're fucking awesome. You're just not the only reason I'm here.

That's exactly how I feel though. Great explanation though, I wonder how much better things can be. I feel great nowadays. Better than ever most of the time.

You two might just be gay and using this whole recovery thing as cover - lol.

[entropy]

Gee....thanks. lol.

You know, I've had that same thought quite alot over the past two years or so. I would have never been living the way I am now had I not had that shit storm happen to me. Because of it, I've learned so much about myself and health in general. It's made me a completely different person. The things I've learned and the way I live will be staples for the rest of my life. When you know what it feels like to have your man hood taken from you, you know it's something you never want to lose again and you need to keep at all costs. When I see young over weight guys doing nothing but letting themselves slip into oblivion, I wonder if they really know what it is they are letting go?

Hahaha. Don't take that the wrong way bro, I think you're fucking awesome. You're just not the only reason I'm here.

That's exactly how I feel though. Great explanation, I wonder how much better things can be. I feel great nowadays. Better than ever most of the time... And there doesn't seem to be anything to slow it down. My libido is seriously killing me right now, so high I'm liable to do something stupid if I can't keep it in check. The next chick I cross paths with is going to be simultaneously very sore and very content.

Oops. Double post. And not gay, English. But there's definitely some bromance there lmfao

[strykers12]

Strykers, one final thing from me, When you start with the paleo diet, exercise, mind stuff etc. just go easy on yourself. What i mean is be kind to yourself, and don't get despondent because you did something wrong or whatever. It is extremely difficult to suddenly go paleo or organic etc. and it creates a stress of its own, for this reason, i recommend you ease into the process, perfecting things here and there as you go.
For me, it took months to gain the strength and discipline to lead a virtually perfect lifestyle - now i enjoy it - and you can't just get there overnight, not without creating so much stress that it counteracts what you are doing.
Remember, all those supplements, exercise, diet etc. will raise T in a normal healthy and happy individual by maybe 30 or 40% max over the long term. So from 550 to 750 (would probably be typical) which is great and can make them love life rather than just liking it, but subject that same person to prolonged and severe stress, and their T levels will always plummet to around 300. This happens both from stress of the mind, as well as stress from chronic over exercising, as evidenced by the many cases of transient secondary hypogonadism that doctors deal with in distance runners.
So do the regimen by all means, but do it while focusing number one (by a mile) on healing your mind.

i've eaten pretty healthy for the past 10 years. after this experience started, i've been stress eating like no other. it will be nice to eat healthy again and slim down. paleo is pretty intense though. you can't even eat peanuts or whole wheat lol

[entropy]

i've eaten pretty healthy for the past 10 years. after this experience started, i've been stress eating like no other. it will be nice to eat healthy again and slim down. paleo is pretty intense though. you can't even eat peanuts or whole wheat lol

Don't sweat it to much. I'm not 100% sure but paleo isn't necessary, I don't do it myself. Food quality is very important though. As for wheat etc, on my carbnites I just slay all of the carbs. Check out "scope75"s log here. His food is top notch.

[English]

i've eaten pretty healthy for the past 10 years. after this experience started, i've been stress eating like no other. it will be nice to eat healthy again and slim down. paleo is pretty intense though. you can't even eat peanuts or whole wheat lol

Yep, i was in the middle of writing the same kinda reply as Entropy, i agree, cd didn't eat strict paleo either. Cut out refined sugar and simple carbs, replace with complex carbs. Go gluten free and eat loads of quality saturated animal fat and protein. It is a gluten free paleo type diet you should go for. By the way, even those recommending strict paleo diets argue of what is paleo - are eggs allowed etc? - you wanna eat lots of eggs by the way

[English]

Hahaha. Don't take that the wrong way bro, I think you're fucking awesome. You're just not the only reason I'm here.

That's exactly how I feel though. Great explanation, I wonder how much better things can be. I feel great nowadays. Better than ever most of the time... And there doesn't seem to be anything to slow it down. My libido is seriously killing me right now, so high I'm liable to do something stupid if I can't keep it in check. The next chick I cross paths with is going to be simultaneously very sore and very content.

Oops. Double post. And not gay, English. But there's definitely some bromance there lmfao

I think you probably are. Hey i'm just kidding, anyway gay people are awesome, brilliant with soft furnishings.

[entropy]

Saturated fat is your friend.

[Cdsnuts]

You two might just be gay and using this whole recovery thing as cover - lol.

Never was much for ass play.

[Cdsnuts]

I would obviously recommend gluten free even if you're not celiac. Alot of people have some sort of intolerance to it and don't even know it until they omit it from their diet.

[English]

What do you reckon to lactose free milk and cream? I've been having this since i first noticed it on the shelves maybe 2 months ago. Lactose is supposed to be hard to tolerate, so they just add the lactase enzyme which gets rid of it. The products taste great, and the whole milk versions are quite high in saturated fats, hence it's good for T.
Because it contains the lactase enzyme, you should never develop a lactose intolerence either.
I drink shit loads of it.

[Cdsnuts]

What do you reckon to lactose free milk and cream? I've been having this since i first noticed it on the shelves maybe 2 months ago. Lactose is supposed to be hard to tolerate, so they just add the lactase enzyme which gets rid of it. The products taste great, and the whole milk versions are quite high in saturated fats, hence it's good for T.
Because it contains the lactase enzyme, you should never develop a lactose intolerence either.
I drink shit loads of it.

Milk is one of those things where you either tolerate it or you don't whereas gluten sensitivity has shades of gray. I have no problem with dairy, I just choose not to drink milk because I think it's disgusting. Now concentrate that disgusting milk into cheese, and I'm all in.

[English]

Milk is one of those things where you either tolerate it or you don't whereas gluten sensitivity has shades of gray. I have no problem with dairy, I just choose not to drink milk because I think it's disgusting. Now concentrate that disgusting milk into cheese, and I'm all in.

Yeah i'm eering on the side of caution by cutting out both gluten and lactose (not completely but 99%) even though i never had a problem with either before all the issues and maybe still don't now. I appear to have replaced alcohol with milk, and find myself looking forward to getting home to have a cold pint of milk! - weird.