The climb out of hell!

[alphacfi]

Wanted to share my story instead of just eaves dropping on everyone else's

I took finasteride 1.25 for only 4 days. The last day being December 30 2018. That night I woke up to a panic attack in the middle of the night which I had never had before and immediately stopped taking the pill and flushed them. The next day was new years eve and I was extremely depressed all day. So i googled "does finasteride cause depression" and the horrors of reality hit me like a freight train. I saw that I was one of the small percentage of people that could have this reaction. I hoped and prayed that I would get better in the next couple of weeks but my symptoms only got worse and worse. On Christmas day I thought I had everything in the world to live for and then a week later I sincerely thought about jumping off my balcony numerous times. I could barely sleep, had panic attacks, head and neck pains all over, sever anhedonia, felt hot and cold, major depression, shaking hands, and then the double vision. This is very bad for my particular line of work. My sexual side effects were watery seamen and numbness but this actually did go away after a couple of weeks. SO I'm left with all the mental crap.

Around this time I discovered the totalmaleoptimization protocol and jumped on it the next week starting with a juice cleanse. I only went 4 days. I hate even putting that down here I wish I had gone a full 7. But I was already a healthy eater so I told myself I didn't need to cleanse for longer. Coming off of that I jumped in with the herbs. 7 day cycle. Taking the vitamins and supplements every day, Paleo diet.. etc. I have always been in the gym and so this part of the protocol has been the easiest and also my favorite. I was always in good shape and now I am in fantastic shape. I started feeling a lot better around the second half of March. I had no more panic attacks and even had some days that were basically perfect. Then a couple weeks later I would have days that were perfect and even the bad days were only half bad. I could and can sleep through the night a solid 8-9 hours no problem. And my eyes are perfect now accept for floaters

I was feeling so good I came off the herbs for a week and felt pretty great. I did another 3 day juice cleanse. Symptoms came back kinda hard after that. But then went down again. I was finally feeling like I could go hang out with friends again and be somewhat comfortable with that. This past weekend I had a girl over and I drank for the first time since January. Wow this was a bad idea. I had a panic attack the next day and the anhedonia is back. I should have waited much further for that one. I read that at 80-90% recovered alcohol might be ok but I guess I am not at that point yet.

I ordered 4 more herbs so Ill be on an 11 day cycle now. Take all the proper vitamins every day including chlorella and spirulina. Also calcium and magnesium. Paleo diet. I take L-theanine, bacopa, and lions mane every day. Do the breathing exercises and some meditation every day. Ice showers morning and night.

Everyday I wake up I have no idea what kind of day I might have. I have had days that are absolutely symptom free! This is the weirdest part. How can I go from being completely fine back to being a shadow of myself, just like that????????? And it seems completely out of my control. Overall, undoubtedly, my downs are not as bad as they used to be. I just got the R andro pills in today as well. I'm shelving those for a later day. Hope I am doing the right things here and my recovery is coming soon. Thank God for you guys that have posted on here and CD for creating the site. I have no idea where I would be right now on my own.

[Trump_1776]

You got this bro

[Cdsnuts]

Wanted to share my story instead of just eaves dropping on everyone else's

I took finasteride 1.25 for only 4 days. The last day being December 30 2018. That night I woke up to a panic attack in the middle of the night which I had never had before and immediately stopped taking the pill and flushed them. The next day was new years eve and I was extremely depressed all day. So i googled "does finasteride cause depression" and the horrors of reality hit me like a freight train. I saw that I was one of the small percentage of people that could have this reaction. I hoped and prayed that I would get better in the next couple of weeks but my symptoms only got worse and worse. On Christmas day I thought I had everything in the world to live for and then a week later I sincerely thought about jumping off my balcony numerous times. I could barely sleep, had panic attacks, head and neck pains all over, sever anhedonia, felt hot and cold, major depression, shaking hands, and then the double vision. This is very bad for my particular line of work. My sexual side effects were watery seamen and numbness but this actually did go away after a couple of weeks. SO I'm left with all the mental crap.

Around this time I discovered the totalmaleoptimization protocol and jumped on it the next week starting with a juice cleanse. I only went 4 days. I hate even putting that down here I wish I had gone a full 7. But I was already a healthy eater so I told myself I didn't need to cleanse for longer. Coming off of that I jumped in with the herbs. 7 day cycle. Taking the vitamins and supplements every day, Paleo diet.. etc. I have always been in the gym and so this part of the protocol has been the easiest and also my favorite. I was always in good shape and now I am in fantastic shape. I started feeling a lot better around the second half of March. I had no more panic attacks and even had some days that were basically perfect. Then a couple weeks later I would have days that were perfect and even the bad days were only half bad. I could and can sleep through the night a solid 8-9 hours no problem. And my eyes are perfect now accept for floaters

I was feeling so good I came off the herbs for a week and felt pretty great. I did another 3 day juice cleanse. Symptoms came back kinda hard after that. But then went down again. I was finally feeling like I could go hang out with friends again and be somewhat comfortable with that. This past weekend I had a girl over and I drank for the first time since January. Wow this was a bad idea. I had a panic attack the next day and the anhedonia is back. I should have waited much further for that one. I read that at 80-90% recovered alcohol might be ok but I guess I am not at that point yet.

I ordered 4 more herbs so Ill be on an 11 day cycle now. Take all the proper vitamins every day including chlorella and spirulina. Also calcium and magnesium. Paleo diet. I take L-theanine, bacopa, and lions mane every day. Do the breathing exercises and some meditation every day. Ice showers morning and night.

Everyday I wake up I have no idea what kind of day I might have. I have had days that are absolutely symptom free! This is the weirdest part. How can I go from being completely fine back to being a shadow of myself, just like that????????? And it seems completely out of my control. Overall, undoubtedly, my downs are not as bad as they used to be. I just got the R andro pills in today as well. I'm shelving those for a later day. Hope I am doing the right things here and my recovery is coming soon. Thank God for you guys that have posted on here and CD for creating the site. I have no idea where I would be right now on my own.

If you're already having days where you're symptom free, you're way ahead of the game. You know what you have to do now, so just stick to it and you'll be healed before you know it.

[alphacfi]

Thanks for the encouraging words! I ordered more herbs after my last post and am now on a 15 day cycle. I also started 24hr fast every other week. I'm thinking I am around 80% now. Depending on the day of course. I still have days that I am 90-100 and that one day a week where im more like 60-70. ON that day I spend most of the time being pissed off now though instead of being in a constant state of fatigue and anxiety. When I am home alone I can relax and almost feel no symptoms. Just the occasional negative thoughts that persist for a few minutes longer then they should but then I am ok. One thing that is weird is my head and ears pop constantly. Idk if anyone else has this?

It does get harder to follow the protocol when you get to 80-90%. There's not that constant motivation to do every thing exactly as your supposed to. Doing breathing exercises when you don't feel any anxiety or getting in a cold shower when you wake up and feel completely normal for example. But I still am not at the point where I want to go out and drink and be my old self meeting new people etc. Mostly because I don't want to drink but I am also still a little bit slow cognitively when I'm around new people. So it's this weird limbo period. It gets a little lonely. I hope that this is my new baseline and from here I can be completely healed sometime this summer. This seemed like an impossible dream only a couple of months ago. I am hoping to avoid going on Andro cycle but if I am still stuck in this limbo by the end of June I will start that I think. Gotta keep hitting the protocol 100% for now

[RickTheRuler]

Good job but You have the wrong mindset though.

I do look forward to drinking & doing drugs again as much as the next guy, so let just leave it out the point I’m trying to make.:

I could tell your thinking about the day all this is over so you can go back to whatever lifestyle you lived.. my advice is to take this protocol and make it a way of life even after your 100%, of course have fun drink do drugs when your recovered... im not saying be sober for life, what I’m saying is your looking at the protocol as this thing your gonna only do for a year & then back to the old shit. If you put the protocol in your mind as “this is just what you do, like brushing your teeth” vs “I have to do this for x amount of time” life will be easier to the point where you question if your even putting in work cause it’s so ingrained in your everyday life, then boom here’s recovery.. & now your operating at much more optimal place than you ever had.

Set it and forget it.. you don’t have to do this, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO..


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[alphacfi]

Good advice man I am basically at that point. The protocol has become so routine it almost seems like I should be doing something more to speed things along but there's nothing more to do. I travel a lot for work so that makes it tough to stick to it 100% when I'm on the road but I stay pretty close to that. I just had a 4 week stretch of no traveling and have been able to stick to the protocol like clockwork. I feel like I made a very small improvement during that time. Was hoping for a little more noticeable improvement but I'll take it. I have been having sex 2-3 times every other day during this time. So its good to know that isn't a problem still. I hope it doesn't become one...

I would say my main 2 symptoms are, at this point, still just a little lack of enjoyment for things. Even other people talking about enjoying things sparks something in my mind and makes me depressed a little bit. That being said it is not even in the same universe as bad as it used to be. But it's definitely still there. Something still blocking that enjoyment. Also a tightness of my head and neck that comes and goes depending on the day and the time of day. Those are the main ones that bother me still. The funniest thing about it is, because I have trouble enjoying things, I can't fully appreciate the progress I've made. It blocks me from having a good feeling about the fact that I have made such major improvements since the beginning of this.

Other then that I am cruising.

[xxaleksi]

The funniest thing about it is, because I have trouble enjoying things, I can't fully appreciate the progress I've made. It blocks me from having a good feeling about the fact that I have made such major improvements since the beginning of this.


Yeah I have this too. I've made undeniable improvements since starting the protocol and I'm grateful for the recovery so far, but I can't "feel" the gratitude. I think it's some kind of anhedonia. Which is odd because otherwise my anhedonia is almost completely gone now.

[alphacfi]

Quick update: I had been plateau'd at 85% there for a few weeks before having a nice downswing that lasted about a week with symptoms returning I hadn't felt since March. As discouraging as this was it just made me work out harder and stick to the protocol even more vigilantly (if that's even possible). Now for the past week I have felt at a good 95%. I youtubed Wim Hof breathing and realized I had been doing that shit totally wrong. Now that I am doing it right... MAN that is awesome! That definitely redefines getting high on your own supply (as he says in the video). I have 2 weeks left on my current cycle of herbs before I will assess whether or not I want to try an andro cycle.

I emailed SoCal and they said they only have R-Andro bottles from 2016. I have the androhard muscle gel already. Any opinions on which one of these I should go with?

[entropy]

Quick update: I had been plateau'd at 85% there for a few weeks before having a nice downswing that lasted about a week with symptoms returning I hadn't felt since March. As discouraging as this was it just made me work out harder and stick to the protocol even more vigilantly (if that's even possible). Now for the past week I have felt at a good 95%. I youtubed Wim Hof breathing and realized I had been doing that shit totally wrong. Now that I am doing it right... MAN that is awesome! That definitely redefines getting high on your own supply (as he says in the video). I have 2 weeks left on my current cycle of herbs before I will assess whether or not I want to try an andro cycle.

I emailed SoCal and they said they only have R-Andro bottles from 2016. I have the androhard muscle gel already. Any opinions on which one of these I should go with?

You're bouncing around like that already? Mate you're almost there.
I'd go with the systematic dht rather than the topical dht because you want to flood it your blood with dht and get those 5ar enzymes regenerating, it doesn't make sense on paper but for some reason 5ar seems to respond to a huge jolt of dht. I think cdnuts and Eric came to this conclusion when cd was stuck in the hole but cd should clarify that part.

[xxaleksi]

The transdermal androhard goes systemic though i think. I'm three weeks in on the stuff and seeing great benefits :)

[alphacfi]

Yeah I guess my concern is the 2016 manufacturing date. I am nervous about them being compromised from sitting on a shelf for 3 years. I'm putting nothing but organic quality stuff in my body. And so I'm nervous about introducing some expired old pills.

[jacknap]

Yeah I guess my concern is the 2016 manufacturing date. I am nervous about them being compromised from sitting on a shelf for 3 years. I'm putting nothing but organic quality stuff in my body. And so I'm nervous about introducing some expired old pills.

bro. if anything they'll be like 10-20% less potent. it's not like produce where expired shit is bad for you. IMO

basementdweller

also found some chinese thing where you can buy it on alibuba if anyone wants to try.

I barley notice anything from andro anymore. my first cycle was profound. I guess it's similar to working out that once newbie gainz are made it's harder to make as hardcore gainz. IE first 30lbs of muscle easiest and then to get that last 10lbs of muscle is same amount of work for 3x less muscle.

[alphacfi]

I went to order them but now they are completely out of stock of R Andro. So I guess that solves my question. Topical it is!

[alphacfi]

Feeling pretty great. Had about 2 weeks of almost no symptoms. I mean I forgot about PFS except for short moments throughout the day I would think about it in terms of how I dont feel any symptoms. I was skeptical though because I just can't allow myself to believe that it is over. And sure enough I got hit with a downswing last week that has lasted a few days lol. What a crock. Anyway, today I started andro cycle. The musclegelz run with potassium chloride. Excited to see what happens with this.

[Cdsnuts]

Feeling pretty great. Had about 2 weeks of almost no symptoms. I mean I forgot about PFS except for short moments throughout the day I would think about it in terms of how I dont feel any symptoms. I was skeptical though because I just can't allow myself to believe that it is over. And sure enough I got hit with a downswing last week that has lasted a few days lol. What a crock. Anyway, today I started andro cycle. The musclegelz run with potassium chloride. Excited to see what happens with this.

Nice gun you got there in your profile pic.

[alphacfi]

Thanks brotein lol. The gym has been the fun part for me in this regimen. Business as usual. Looking forward to seeing if andro enhances anything.

[Cdsnuts]

Thanks brotein lol. The gym has been the fun part for me in this regimen. Business as usual. Looking forward to seeing if andro enhances anything.

No problem Brofessor.

It will enhance EVERYTHING.

[alphacfi]

Quick update on the andro gel. I did it for 3 weeks and didn't notice much of anything. I had a bit of a downswing the first week and then came out of it and felt pretty great for the next week and a half. Thats been my normal swing routine for the last few months though. This past weekend I was at the lake and drank both friday and saturday pretty hard. I figured I would go all out at least once this summer. And I had a great time! I barely even thought about PFS. Just eye floaters and some slight periodical head pressure. Sunday (yesterday) I started to pay for it though as the old creepy brain symptoms have returned somewhat and I am back on a downswing now. Thats to be expected though, I obviously did it to myself.

Anyways I located some super R andro and started taking that today. 2 this morning before workout and 2 this afternoon. I am hoping I feel something from this. Negative or positive to let me know its working on something. I'll stay on this for 3-4 weeks before jumping back on the herbs.

[Cdsnuts]

Quick update on the andro gel. I did it for 3 weeks and didn't notice much of anything. I had a bit of a downswing the first week and then came out of it and felt pretty great for the next week and a half. Thats been my normal swing routine for the last few months though. This past weekend I was at the lake and drank both friday and saturday pretty hard. I figured I would go all out at least once this summer. And I had a great time! I barely even thought about PFS. Just eye floaters and some slight periodical head pressure. Sunday (yesterday) I started to pay for it though as the old creepy brain symptoms have returned somewhat and I am back on a downswing now. Thats to be expected though, I obviously did it to myself.

Anyways I located some super R andro and started taking that today. 2 this morning before workout and 2 this afternoon. I am hoping I feel something from this. Negative or positive to let me know its working on something. I'll stay on this for 3-4 weeks before jumping back on the herbs.

I did the same thing with the booze, over and over again, which is why I always try and tell others to abstain. It's NEVER worth it. Always increases symptoms and sets you back a bit.

[alphacfi]

Just completed my first Andro Cycle yesterday. Albeit was kind of a messy cycle. first 3 weeks pumping the andro gel. Last 3 weeks taking Super R Andro 600mg a day. I feel fantastic. I feel like this did it's job. It pushed me to the next level of recovery. I am feeling confident everyday and able to think clearly with little to no depression. Sleeping better then ever and in the best shape of my life. I am back on the herbs today. I have a 15 day rotation so I'll be staying on the herbs through at least 4 rotations before another cycle if I feel like it. I don't want to give a percentage because it's such a fluid thing. But I could live out my days like this and be content. I still want to feel better generally. And occasionally, like once or twice a week, I'll have some bad feelings. It's all just great motivation to continue with the TMO protocol which is better for my life in every way anyway.

I hope there isn't some major drop off coming up now that I'm coming off the PH and back on the herbs. I hope I can continue with this trajectory. But things are heading the right way now for sure

[Yankees52]

Hey man, where did you buy the R-Andro?

[Cdsnuts]

Hey man, where did you buy the R-Andro?

I'm going to be able to get you guys Androhard transdermal for the forum....I recommend that over R andro these days.

[alphacfi]

Hey man, where did you buy the R-Andro?

Ebay

[DrivenToRecover]

I'm going to be able to get you guys Androhard transdermal for the forum....I recommend that over R andro these days.

Why's that?

I trust you though, hook me up lol take my money!

[alphacfi]

Hello all, I haven't been logging in the last couple of months. Even though I love the positivism on here I feel its best for me to just stay away from PFS thinking as much as I can. Overall, I would say I am doing really pretty well. I still have PFS but nothing even in the same realm as earlier this year. My head still feels pressure and I have crazy annoying eye floaters. I would probably be even better if it weren't for me going out drinking the last couple of weekends. CD is not lying when he says that sets you back. I felt a downswing that I hadn't had in quite sometime after the second weekend in a row of too much sauce. Going to go back to soberism for a while. I am on my 3rd week of my second andro cycle. 600mg of super R a day. I'm hoping this brings me to an even higher baseline here in a few weeks. I still have been super dilligent with the diet and exercise. I look like a super jacked healthy dude. I was reading one of the guys posts earlier today and he said he has that feeling that life is worth living again even though he is still dealing with PFS. I couldn't put that any better myself. It's becoming a smaller and smaller part of my everyday thinking. I am planning on fighting this thing to the end. I keep telling myself that I will be dealing with some kind of symptoms for the full 2 years so that I wont be let down when I have downswings out of nowhere. It'll just be a happy surprise if I am fully recovered before then. Via con dios

[slader1]

Hello all, I haven't been logging in the last couple of months. Even though I love the positivism on here I feel its best for me to just stay away from PFS thinking as much as I can. Overall, I would say I am doing really pretty well. I still have PFS but nothing even in the same realm as earlier this year. My head still feels pressure and I have crazy annoying eye floaters. I would probably be even better if it weren't for me going out drinking the last couple of weekends. CD is not lying when he says that sets you back. I felt a downswing that I hadn't had in quite sometime after the second weekend in a row of too much sauce. Going to go back to soberism for a while. I am on my 3rd week of my second andro cycle. 600mg of super R a day. I'm hoping this brings me to an even higher baseline here in a few weeks. I still have been super dilligent with the diet and exercise. I look like a super jacked healthy dude. I was reading one of the guys posts earlier today and he said he has that feeling that life is worth living again even though he is still dealing with PFS. I couldn't put that any better myself. It's becoming a smaller and smaller part of my everyday thinking. I am planning on fighting this thing to the end. I keep telling myself that I will be dealing with some kind of symptoms for the full 2 years so that I wont be let down when I have downswings out of nowhere. It'll just be a happy surprise if I am fully recovered before then. Via con dios

Thanks for the update. You have been inspirational to me, as I have recently begun my first cycle and hope that I can at least find a level of contentment as I continue my journey upwards. God Bless!

[Cdsnuts]

Hello all, I haven't been logging in the last couple of months. Even though I love the positivism on here I feel its best for me to just stay away from PFS thinking as much as I can. Overall, I would say I am doing really pretty well. I still have PFS but nothing even in the same realm as earlier this year. My head still feels pressure and I have crazy annoying eye floaters. I would probably be even better if it weren't for me going out drinking the last couple of weekends. CD is not lying when he says that sets you back. I felt a downswing that I hadn't had in quite sometime after the second weekend in a row of too much sauce. Going to go back to soberism for a while. I am on my 3rd week of my second andro cycle. 600mg of super R a day. I'm hoping this brings me to an even higher baseline here in a few weeks. I still have been super dilligent with the diet and exercise. I look like a super jacked healthy dude. I was reading one of the guys posts earlier today and he said he has that feeling that life is worth living again even though he is still dealing with PFS. I couldn't put that any better myself. It's becoming a smaller and smaller part of my everyday thinking. I am planning on fighting this thing to the end. I keep telling myself that I will be dealing with some kind of symptoms for the full 2 years so that I wont be let down when I have downswings out of nowhere. It'll just be a happy surprise if I am fully recovered before then. Via con dios

You have the right attitude and you will get there, I have no doubt.

Just keep doing what you're doing and life will just keep getting better and better. It has no choice but to.

Before you know it, it will all just be a past memory and you'll be better off then you've ever been before.

In regards to the booze.....there was a point in my life that I couldn't imagine living without drinking....it's funny now looking back at it, because now that thought seems silly to me, given where I'm at health wise. Alcohol doesn't do it for me that much anymore. I'm so good naturally that if anything, it just slows me down and makes me dull. Not to mention the hang overs......Got hammered a few weeks ago for the first time in months...woke up with a raging hangover and thought to myself, man, I don't miss this AT ALL......lol. You'll get there. But yeah, it DEFINITELY slows down the recovery process.

[alphacfi]

Thanks for the update. You have been inspirational to me, as I have recently begun my first cycle and hope that I can at least find a level of contentment as I continue my journey upwards. God Bless!

You will man! It's a slowwww process of healing but it works. You will get to a point where you don't worry every night about how bad tomorrow is going to be. You are excited about how you are going to be better tomorrow because it's one more day closer to being healed. God bless!

[alphacfi]

You have the right attitude and you will get there, I have no doubt.

Just keep doing what you're doing and life will just keep getting better and better. It has no choice but to.

Before you know it, it will all just be a past memory and you'll be better off then you've ever been before.

In regards to the booze.....there was a point in my life that I couldn't imagine living without drinking....it's funny now looking back at it, because now that thought seems silly to me, given where I'm at health wise. Alcohol doesn't do it for me that much anymore. I'm so good naturally that if anything, it just slows me down and makes me dull. Not to mention the hang overs......Got hammered a few weeks ago for the first time in months...woke up with a raging hangover and thought to myself, man, I don't miss this AT ALL......lol. You'll get there. But yeah, it DEFINITELY slows down the recovery process.

Thanks CD! I haven't drank in two weeks now and haven't had any downswings. I brought a gallon of water with me to my friends house Saturday and sat there and drank the whole thing instead of alcohol. Got made fun of and pissed like a race horse. But my brain is thanking me today. This could be my new thing for a while lol

[Cdsnuts]

Thanks CD! I haven't drank in two weeks now and haven't had any downswings. I brought a gallon of water with me to my friends house Saturday and sat there and drank the whole thing instead of alcohol. Got made fun of and pissed like a race horse. But my brain is thanking me today. This could be my new thing for a while lol

Use a little Ganja instead.....lol

[alphacfi]

Just finished my second andro cycle. 7 weeks of 600mg a day. I didn't have any negative sides from andro. But I didn't have any life altering improvements from it either. Just a steady slow process here. I think one thing that has improved with either time or this cycle is that food does not effect me at all anymore. Meaning I dont have a downswing after eating a cheeseburger (gluten free bun) or half of a chocolate cheese cake. I used to dread eating a big meal because I would feel awful afterward but that seems to have been cured. Although I know "cured" is a dangerous word to throw around. I haven't had sexual sides since January but andro definitely improved my sex life as it would someone without PFS. I actually blew a load from a hand job the other night lol. I have never done that before. So I'm assuming that if i did have a problem in that area, ph would definitely be a good remedy. Took the day off today from all vitamins and supplements to let my body fend for itself. Tomorrow its back to cycling my 15 herbs along with the rest of my daily TMO routine. I'm 2 months away from a year and I can't wait to hit that threshold!

[jacknap]

Use a little Ganja instead.....lol

man I've been using edibles once or twice a week to decompress but that shit makes me a vegetable lmao I have no idea how people can work on the stuff. I ate like 10 croissants on it too makes me so hungry for junk lmfao. if I can get myself to stretch / do yoga on it though it's soooooooooooooo good

[alphacfi]

I wish I could but my job randoms :(

[Cdsnuts]

man I've been using edibles once or twice a week to decompress but that shit makes me a vegetable lmao I have no idea how people can work on the stuff. I ate like 10 croissants on it too makes me so hungry for junk lmfao. if I can get myself to stretch / do yoga on it though it's soooooooooooooo good

It's great before a nice big backload.

[alphacfi]

Man this downswing Im having is hillarious! 9 days in a row of feeling like shit. I haven't had a downswing like this since July when I drank at the lake all weekend. At least then I had something to blame it on. This time its just for no reason. Maybe laying on the couch too long during the 4 hour irishman movie lol. I am excited to see what kind of reward I get at the end of this. Better be the upswing of a lifetime.

[mcbbould]

Use a little Ganja instead.....lol

Apologies for hijacking, but isn’t ganj an anti androgen?

[alphacfi]

Heading to New Zealand right now for a two week vacation. Not bringing any herbs vitamins or supplements with me because I don’t want TSA to have them. I haven’t been feeling all that great this month. I’m 1 year in now with the protocol. I haven’t gone a day without either herbs or Andro since last January. I’m interested to see how my body does without anything these two weeks. I’m going to try and stick pretty closely with the diet while I’m away. Try to find a gym a few times. Also, maybe only drink a little wine maybe.
I was hoping this trip was going to be a recovery celebration but I’m still far from that unfortunately. I haven’t been getting any better since like October or so where I hit a nice baseline and was getting mostly good days for a couple months. The last two months have been mostly down days.
There’s really no way of telling the trajectory of this shit which is the most frustrating part for me. When I feel good for a few weeks I think maybe I won’t feel some of the worst symptoms ever again that’s when I get hit with downswings out of nowhere and I do feel old shit again. So I can’t measure progress. I can only tell that I am definitely better now then I was this time last year or else I would have just cancelled this trip. FOR SURE. So therefore progress is being made. Slowly but steadily I go

[covfefe42]

Heading to New Zealand right now for a two week vacation. Not bringing any herbs vitamins or supplements with me because I don’t want TSA to have them. I haven’t been feeling all that great this month. I’m 1 year in now with the protocol. I haven’t gone a day without either herbs or Andro since last January. I’m interested to see how my body does without anything these two weeks. I’m going to try and stick pretty closely with the diet while I’m away. Try to find a gym a few times. Also, maybe only drink a little wine maybe.
I was hoping this trip was going to be a recovery celebration but I’m still far from that unfortunately. I haven’t been getting any better since like October or so where I hit a nice baseline and was getting mostly good days for a couple months. The last two months have been mostly down days.
There’s really no way of telling the trajectory of this shit which is the most frustrating part for me. When I feel good for a few weeks I think maybe I won’t feel some of the worst symptoms ever again that’s when I get hit with downswings out of nowhere and I do feel old shit again. So I can’t measure progress. I can only tell that I am definitely better now then I was this time last year or else I would have just cancelled this trip. FOR SURE. So therefore progress is being made. Slowly but steadily I go

Hey man, can definitely relate to your comment about it being frustrating not being able to tell the trajectory of this shit. Especially when you feel like you're past the worst of your symptoms only for them to resurface a few weeks later.

This is some confusing shit for sure. I'll have no symptoms for weeks and then for a couple weeks my sleep will be fucked for some reason lol.

It's just like CD says, ups and downs every few weeks/months but overall going up over time. Just gotta stick to the process I guess

[Cdsnuts]

That's just the way it is unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it. Either way you know you're going in the right direction, which should give you some comfort.

Concerning weed, yes, it is estrogenic in huge doses. But unless you're taking huge, milky yellow bong rips every single night, a little pot now and then isn't going to set you back.

These days I'm a pretty regular user.....I'd say 3 or 4 times a week, usually at night at the end of my day to wind down. It also makes backloading that much more enjoyable......lol. Nothing like having a killer workout and then slamming down huge amounts of carbs because the munchies are kicking in. You can literally feel your muscles swell.

[Bankai9000]

Yaaaaaa Im joining in boyzzz
Thought finally after all this time that I have my heartissues somewhat under control and my errections came back full force after New Years, was finally not waking up in the nights anymore aswell(rarely did in over 4 weeks!!!).

Now back at it again, heart shitty, errections feel blocked again and waking up after 4/5hours with massive floaters, brainfog and random anxiety during the day haha XDD
Gotta ridee itt out eeh, guess we're used to that by now xD

[Cdsnuts]

Yaaaaaa Im joining in boyzzz
Thought finally after all this time that I have my heartissues somewhat under control and my errections came back full force after New Years, was finally not waking up in the nights anymore aswell(rarely did in over 4 weeks!!!).

Now back at it again, heart shitty, errections feel blocked again and waking up after 4/5hours with massive floaters, brainfog and random anxiety during the day haha XDD
Gotta ridee itt out eeh, guess we're used to that by now xD

I haven't been following so forgive me, but what heart issues do you mean?

[alphacfi]

Hey man, can definitely relate to your comment about it being frustrating not being able to tell the trajectory of this shit. Especially when you feel like you're past the worst of your symptoms only for them to resurface a few weeks later.

This is some confusing shit for sure. I'll have no symptoms for weeks and then for a couple weeks my sleep will be fucked for some reason lol.

It's just like CD says, ups and downs every few weeks/months but overall going up over time. Just gotta stick to the process I guess

I’m glad I’m not the only one. I literally have felt perfect for 12 days in a row. How is that even possible? No wonder doctors have no fckin idea what this shit is lol

[Bankai9000]

I haven't been following so forgive me, but what heart issues do you mean?

I've a strong heart "pounding" since crash. It's way better than at the start, but still is alltime there and seems to get like a bit lower every month. But some months ago was still so strong that I had to sleep on my right side cuz otherwise it would move half of my body and no chance to fall asleep like that.

After I got sick a month ago it stopped beating so strong for the first time since crash for like 3 weeks, felt more close to like it was before.
Got a pulsmachine, with Sys/Dia/Pul/PP to check and first 2 months I had okeish bloodpressure but arythmias. These are gone for 4months+ and didn't come back. Otherwise bloodpressure is great now, so it's weird. Seems more like a cortisol issue or even gutissue than actual Heart one. When I drink or eat sth wrong it sometimes sets of a racing heart and stronger beat. Sometimes without reason aswell. Back then it was always going nuts at night.

[alphacfi]

Had a blast on the trip. Definitely felt symptoms. Especially the first few days. But was able to have fun regardless. New Zealand is incredibly health conscious so staying on diet was easier then expected. I varied from the diet a few times to be sure, but this didn't have any negative affects. Went to a wine tour island and drank all day also didn't have any affect. The last night of the trip got wasted and feel fine. Good to know I can survive without all my herbs and sups. But it's back to business now. Started a 7 day juice cleanse yesterday. Then herbs for another week or two then andro. Im actually excited to be back on the protocol. Life just makes sense now whenever im following it 100.

[Cdsnuts]

Had a blast on the trip. Definitely felt symptoms. Especially the first few days. But was able to have fun regardless. New Zealand is incredibly health conscious so staying on diet was easier then expected. I varied from the diet a few times to be sure, but this didn't have any negative affects. Went to a wine tour island and drank all day also didn't have any affect. The last night of the trip got wasted and feel fine. Good to know I can survive without all my herbs and sups. But it's back to business now. Started a 7 day juice cleanse yesterday. Then herbs for another week or two then andro. Im actually excited to be back on the protocol. Life just makes sense now whenever im following it 100.

That's great news and good to hear. Stay the course and things will just continue to get better.

[alphacfi]

Just a quick check in here. That juice feast was awesome. I went the 7 days this time and felt almost perfect the entire 7 days. After the juice reintroduced paleo slowly and the herbs. Couple weeks later started my 3rd andro cycle with the musclegelz. Have been doing that for about a week now. I've noticed a slight spike in energy levels with it this time which is better then the last two times when I noticed basically nothing while on the cycle. Only slight gains after I completed the cycles. Im 14 months in now and am definitely a new and improved person. Most days are pretty damn good. Unfortunately I still suffer downsings that are mostly mild, but (hence me checking in here) today I had a pretty good down swing. I was in a conversation with a guy talking about endocrine cancer and he was telling me he had a friend who had it who tried to recover holistically but died. And I felt my head fill up with pressure and brain fog and couldn't kick it for hours. This is so ridiculous because none of us suffer from this but it was just too close to the shit that I am dealing with and my stupid brain isn't rational enough to separate endocrine cancer from PFS. So I discovered I still have a pretty low tolerance for this kind of stress lol. But I had been hovering around 90%. Alot of the time 100%. I consider 100 to be when I go hours thinking like a normal rational person about life an goals and making plans and not thinking about PFS as an inhibitor in my life or as a thing in this world at all. Those are glorious moments and over the last couple months those moments have sometimes been hours and even half a day at a time. The 90 is when I am conscious of PFS and know its there hovering but its not really bothering me. Its just there reminding me that I can't stray from the protocol or else it will pounce. So hopefully this cycle will give me some good gains and I will be PFS free sometime this year. Thats the goal but ill keep grinding as long as it takes.

[JoeP26]

Just a quick check in here. That juice feast was awesome. I went the 7 days this time and felt almost perfect the entire 7 days. After the juice reintroduced paleo slowly and the herbs. Couple weeks later started my 3rd andro cycle with the musclegelz. Have been doing that for about a week now. I've noticed a slight spike in energy levels with it this time which is better then the last two times when I noticed basically nothing while on the cycle. Only slight gains after I completed the cycles. Im 14 months in now and am definitely a new and improved person. Most days are pretty damn good. Unfortunately I still suffer downsings that are mostly mild, but (hence me checking in here) today I had a pretty good down swing. I was in a conversation with a guy talking about endocrine cancer and he was telling me he had a friend who had it who tried to recover holistically but died. And I felt my head fill up with pressure and brain fog and couldn't kick it for hours. This is so ridiculous because none of us suffer from this but it was just too close to the shit that I am dealing with and my stupid brain isn't rational enough to separate endocrine cancer from PFS. So I discovered I still have a pretty low tolerance for this kind of stress lol. But I had been hovering around 90%. Alot of the time 100%. I consider 100 to be when I go hours thinking like a normal rational person about life an goals and making plans and not thinking about PFS as an inhibitor in my life or as a thing in this world at all. Those are glorious moments and over the last couple months those moments have sometimes been hours and even half a day at a time. The 90 is when I am conscious of PFS and know its there hovering but its not really bothering me. Its just there reminding me that I can't stray from the protocol or else it will pounce. So hopefully this cycle will give me some good gains and I will be PFS free sometime this year. Thats the goal but ill keep grinding as long as it takes.

Awesome progress man! Definitely keep going. We're rooting for you. 🙏

[alphacfi]

4 weeks symptom free. Then the last 3 days as if those 4 weeks never existed. PFS ladies and gentlemen

[Ratchet]

We’re in a pandemic. We can’t underestimate the underlying stress that it causes, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Four weeks is a huge milestone & I bet this downswing ain’t going to last long. Keep going man - great work!

[alphacfi]

I am sure that this crazy pandemic has a lot to do with it. I wonder how long you can go without having a downswing before you feel confident that you wont have one. For me I was thinking if I could just make it a month I would be in the clear from the worst of it. And I found out that is not true. I guess it's two months? WTF! How can it just sit dorment like that for a whole month and then spring out and hit you. I don't think I will ever understand that.

[Cdsnuts]

I am sure that this crazy pandemic has a lot to do with it. I wonder how long you can go without having a downswing before you feel confident that you wont have one. For me I was thinking if I could just make it a month I would be in the clear from the worst of it. And I found out that is not true. I guess it's two months? WTF! How can it just sit dorment like that for a whole month and then spring out and hit you. I don't think I will ever understand that.

Listen....be thankful for where you are. YOU'RE ALMOST DONE!!!!! I think it was a few months before I noticed I had no more downswings. YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!!!!

[alphacfi]

Thanks CD. I did eventually come out of that downswing. Probably a week ago. Then I went through a post downswing mood where I get through almost the whole day without symptoms and then sometime around 5 or 6 PM I start to feel symptoms creeping. So I've started doing extensive meditation at around that time through the rest of the night. The meditation aspect has been the hardest part of the protocol for me. To just sit down or lay down and breathe for a period of time is just not something I would never do without PFS. But I realized the other day that it is probably the one reason I haven't totally healed yet. My diet is near perfect and all the herbs and sups are on point. But I have still damaged my brain from all the stress and anxiety of the last year and half and it needs to be calmed down daily. Even days like today or yesterday where I have been relatively symptom free I forced myself to sit and listen to mediation. I think that if I stay consistent with that I will be recovered in a matter of months.

I did a little reading on my most prevalent symptoms, which i have not done any research or reading on anything for the past year and a half to avoid being psyched out by some bull shit article. But I only really have two symptoms remaining. The downswings just make these more prominent and painful. I have pressure in my head that causes the back and sides of my head to audibly pop. I believe this is a variation of chronic tension headaches. And I am pretty sure I suffer from chronic stress because of all the anxiety and stressful moments I had compounded over the last year damaged my brain. Luckily the remedy for both of those is extensive meditation and breathing. So I know what I have to do. I also have eye floaters but fuck those.

[Cdsnuts]

Thanks CD. I did eventually come out of that downswing. Probably a week ago. Then I went through a post downswing mood where I get through almost the whole day without symptoms and then sometime around 5 or 6 PM I start to feel symptoms creeping. So I've started doing extensive meditation at around that time through the rest of the night. The meditation aspect has been the hardest part of the protocol for me. To just sit down or lay down and breathe for a period of time is just not something I would never do without PFS. But I realized the other day that it is probably the one reason I haven't totally healed yet. My diet is near perfect and all the herbs and sups are on point. But I have still damaged my brain from all the stress and anxiety of the last year and half and it needs to be calmed down daily. Even days like today or yesterday where I have been relatively symptom free I forced myself to sit and listen to mediation. I think that if I stay consistent with that I will be recovered in a matter of months.

I did a little reading on my most prevalent symptoms, which i have not done any research or reading on anything for the past year and a half to avoid being psyched out by some bull shit article. But I only really have two symptoms remaining. The downswings just make these more prominent and painful. I have pressure in my head that causes the back and sides of my head to audibly pop. I believe this is a variation of chronic tension headaches. And I am pretty sure I suffer from chronic stress because of all the anxiety and stressful moments I had compounded over the last year damaged my brain. Luckily the remedy for both of those is extensive meditation and breathing. So I know what I have to do. I also have eye floaters but fuck those.

Exactly...you know what you need to do. Taking the time to meditate is half the battle, believe it or not. If this is difficult it makes you realize just how unsettled you actually are. FORCE YOURSELF. Take the time. It's ALWAYS worth it. Once you get into a groove with this, you'll WANT to take the time to meditate and it will stop feeling like such a fucking chore.

Keep at it dude. You'll get there.

And I know it feels like it, but your brain is NOT damaged. At all.

[alphacfi]

I'm going through a really stressful transition at work right now. I am actually getting a promotion but it requires me to do lots of studying and sitting in a classroom type setting for 7-8 hours a day. The studying is no problem because I am by myself and can stop and do breathing exercises or meditate when I start to feel symptoms. But the classroom has been a different story. I had a pretty bad day last Friday. One thing has been totally confirmed to me though and that is that my symptoms are almost completely stress induced now. If I am just having a normal day at home or even going to a friends I feel about 90%. But if there is some stressful situation I have to deal with that day all bets are off. I start to feel weak and my head starts to hurt and then I just settle into a downswing that lasts until I get out of the situation and get back home. I have been consistently meditating now for a month and wim hof breathing multiple times a day now for 3 weeks. I'm hoping I can become a zen master someday soon and maintain a calm state in all situations.

[xxaleksi]

Yeah stress reduction has been huge for me during pfs recovery. Had a few weeks of bad stress a couple of months ago (not PFS related), and some of my old symptoms came back. Stopped stressing, and they went away after a week or so.

Crazy how that works.

[alphacfi]

Yeah I know I have been questioning my decision to take this promotion while I am still dealing with this shit. But I want to keep living life. And I dont want to have that in the back of my mind that I am not taking a promotion because of PFS. Thats almost worse then dealing with the stress.

[Turnover25]

I'm going through a really stressful transition at work right now. I am actually getting a promotion but it requires me to do lots of studying and sitting in a classroom type setting for 7-8 hours a day. The studying is no problem because I am by myself and can stop and do breathing exercises or meditate when I start to feel symptoms. But the classroom has been a different story. I had a pretty bad day last Friday. One thing has been totally confirmed to me though and that is that my symptoms are almost completely stress induced now. If I am just having a normal day at home or even going to a friends I feel about 90%. But if there is some stressful situation I have to deal with that day all bets are off. I start to feel weak and my head starts to hurt and then I just settle into a downswing that lasts until I get out of the situation and get back home. I have been consistently meditating now for a month and wim hof breathing multiple times a day now for 3 weeks. I'm hoping I can become a zen master someday soon and maintain a calm state in all situations.

I know exactly how you feel. I used to have this bad while sitting in class in college, usually at the 1 hour mark I would feel the urge to leave the room ASAP and go home, and I’d begin to feel panic. I think that this would fall under the inability to handle stress category. At home I feel fine, which definitely leads to isolation. I assume it’s a pretty common thing for most of us.

[alphacfi]

Yeah its weird for me because its so inconsistent. Like Friday was terrible but than Saturday I was fine all day in class and I would say Saturday should have been the more stressful day. There's no way to predict it. I have been having a lot more ups and downs now throughout the day and week. I was having long stretches of ups followed by long stretches of downs. I feel like this is going backward kinda. But I don't know if that's true. It's just something different. I remember reading guys are always searching for that new baseline. I feel like I haven't reached a new baseline since November. I still have days that are just as bad as back then. I feel like I'm long overdue for a new baseline.

[Cdsnuts]

Yeah its weird for me because its so inconsistent. Like Friday was terrible but than Saturday I was fine all day in class and I would say Saturday should have been the more stressful day. There's no way to predict it. I have been having a lot more ups and downs now throughout the day and week. I was having long stretches of ups followed by long stretches of downs. I feel like this is going backward kinda. But I don't know if that's true. It's just something different. I remember reading guys are always searching for that new baseline. I feel like I haven't reached a new baseline since November. I still have days that are just as bad as back then. I feel like I'm long overdue for a new baseline.

Towards the end you will get the swings that come and go more quickly instead of long drawn out ones. This is a good sign. It means it's starting to break. As always, just keep doing what you're doing.

And dude, go for that promotion. Definitely. You got this.

If you're feeling super stressed, try the 4,7,8 breathing method to really calm you down. Use it in conjunction with the WHM. Use WHM in the morning to get going, but when you feel stressed during your work day, use the 478 method. It will immediately calm you down.

[alphacfi]

Well that's good to hear! I will try that. I've done that a few times. I've been searching for something I can do while I am around people and in those situations. So hopefully that works for me.

[Cdsnuts]

Well that's good to hear! I will try that. I've done that a few times. I've been searching for something I can do while I am around people and in those situations. So hopefully that works for me.

It WILL work.

[alphacfi]

Started my 4th andro cycle a week ago. Androhard td with steel 4-andro. Been feeling pretty good lately. Hoping to make some major gains on this cycle.

[alphacfi]

Cycle complete. 8 weeks of andro. 20-24 pumps a day stacked with the 4-andro. Overall.. Its hard to say how much I gained on this cycle. Positive note is I never had a prolonged downswing. I had a few terrible days and about 80/20 ratio good days to bad. I was hoping for perfection and I think that's a mistake. It's just a spoke in the wheel of recovery. The head pressure symptom is still as prevalent today as it was a year ago. Just a gnawing of the brain that comes and goes. Especially during stress related times but doesn't always relate to stress. Anxiety spiked occasionally but this symptom is practically under control. Anhedonia occasionally as well. One thing, for sure, is I gained muscle. After I finish a WOD I am completely jacked. I look like I'm getting ready for a body building competition. Relevant because looking good builds confidence in myself and increases serotonin which I feel a wash of when I'm at the pool or whatever.

Back on the herbs starting tomorrow. I am going to slam the bacopa, L-theanin, Gotu Kola, and Lions mane hard over the next couple of months. Along with the 17 herb cycle and the talked-about upswing we get after coming off andro I'm hoping for major baseline jump.

P.S. I got news from work today that I am getting 8 months paid leave at slightly less than my normal salary starting in October. That's probably the best news I have ever gotten in my life. Total dedication to health time. If i'm not hearing fat ladies singing by the end of that than something aint right :)

[Moonman]

What are your thoughts on Ultra Hard?

[alphacfi]

I haven't looked into it yet but I will try it on my next cycle. I've done the Super R and the Androhard both at pretty much max doses and didn't ever feel euphoric or even really notice I was doing anything different. That was a feeling I was chasing but never got it. Just slight improvements after cycle. Maxout seems to really like it so ill give it a go next run.

[alphacfi]

I am feeling pretty well. Just wondering how long after the cycle do you get that good post cycle feeling? Is it like a week after or should it happen right away? The first day after cycle was kind of rough but yesterday was great and today is down a little more.

[Maxout777]

Give it two weeks to a month total in my experience. Benefits will come gradually. Estrogen rebounds from being blocked within 2-3 weeks, among other hormones. Just be patient and follow the protocol during the time. Keep us informed!

[alphacfi]

Give it two weeks to a month total in my experience. Benefits will come gradually. Estrogen rebounds from being blocked within 2-3 weeks, among other hormones. Just be patient and follow the protocol during the time. Keep us informed!

I will!

[alphacfi]

Was doing pretty well. The last couple of weeks have been pretty bad. Only thing ive done differently is add Vit B-. I am assuming that has to be the culprit. Im going to give it through the weekend though and see. I know it has helped some guys and negatively affected some guys. But I dont want to give up on it too quickly in case the other side is shiny.

[Cdsnuts]

Was doing pretty well. The last couple of weeks have been pretty bad. Only thing ive done differently is add Vit B-. I am assuming that has to be the culprit. Im going to give it through the weekend though and see. I know it has helped some guys and negatively affected some guys. But I dont want to give up on it too quickly in case the other side is shiny.

I noticed that once I was in a good place health wise, the "daily vitamins" I took during active recovery were no longer necessary on the scale they once were. I went from daily, to a few times a week, to once a week, to once every two weeks, to now which is taking no supplemental vitamins unless they come from food/juices. Vitamin B was one of them for me.

If your diet is on point and your living healthfully, you probably don't need such a concentrated amount of B vitamins. The only thing my body still appreciates to this day, concerning vit/min. supps, is the powedered magnesium that you add water to. Everyone's different when it comes to this due to genetics, metabolism, etc.

Point being, at this point in your recovery, if it makes you feel like shit.....bin it.

[alphacfi]

I noticed that once I was in a good place health wise, the "daily vitamins" I took during active recovery were no longer necessary on the scale they once were. I went from daily, to a few times a week, to once a week, to once every two weeks, to now which is taking no supplemental vitamins unless they come from food/juices. Vitamin B was one of them for me.

If your diet is on point and your living healthfully, you probably don't need such a concentrated amount of B vitamins. The only thing my body still appreciates to this day, concerning vit/min. supps, is the powedered magnesium that you add water to. Everyone's different when it comes to this due to genetics, metabolism, etc.

Point being, at this point in your recovery, if it makes you feel like shit.....bin it.

I honestly don't know what point of recovery I'm at these days. I thought I was doing pretty well but have been swinging pretty violently the last month or so. I think I'll give this new B i just got a try and if it makes me crash again ill give up on it. Im starting another andro cycle this weekend or next week so I will probably stop it anyway for that. Im planning on taking Niacinamide with my next cycle. I saw an old post somewhere where someone did that and liked it. What say you to that?

[Cdsnuts]

I honestly don't know what point of recovery I'm at these days. I thought I was doing pretty well but have been swinging pretty violently the last month or so. I think I'll give this new B i just got a try and if it makes me crash again ill give up on it. Im starting another andro cycle this weekend or next week so I will probably stop it anyway for that. Im planning on taking Niacinamide with my next cycle. I saw an old post somewhere where someone did that and liked it. What say you to that?

In order for you to properly gauge how your body likes ultrahard I would highly suggest stopping the B vitamins and running it solo while also excluding the niacinamide at first. You want to be able to tell what is doing what before adding in questionable variables.

[alphacfi]

In order for you to properly gauge how your body likes ultrahard I would highly suggest stopping the B vitamins and running it solo while also excluding the niacinamide at first. You want to be able to tell what is doing what before adding in questionable variables.

What I was thinking too. Ill run it dry and see how I feel.

[Cdsnuts]

What I was thinking too. Ill run it dry and see how I feel.

Let us know. Everyone that used it has loved it, myself included. It's almost too strong for me. Towards the end of my short test cycle I dropped it to 2 pumps of U and 2 of the four, and I was GOOD. Maintained and looked awesome, lol.

Honestly I wouldn't want to run them at full doses simply because of my job. With that much juice in me it makes doing business shit difficult. I don't want to sit and focus on tiny words or numbers. I want to lift, break things, move and use my body, lol. I would love to just cut lose for a month of work and try them at full throttle.

[alphacfi]

Started the Ultra Hard last Thursday and have felt pretty great on it so far. I have felt this euphoria feeling everyone has been describing. Ive been doing 6 pumps in the morning but it kinda wears down by the late afternoon. So today I did 4 more pumps in the early afternoon and that helped spike it again. Im not going to do that everyday but was just trying it today and so far so good i think. Looking forward to the coming weeks on this cycle and of course the post cycle gains. Ill update if there are any major changes but so far so pretty good.

[alphacfi]

Sup ya filthy animals. Finished my andro cycle last week. 8 and a half weeks on cycle with the Ultra hard 5 or 6 pumps a day. Definitely feeling my best these days. Ultra Hard is the first supplement that has given me noticeable immediate reprieve from my symptoms. I miss it a lot already. Not that everyday was perfect on it or anything but at least in the few hours after applying it I would feel invigorated and good nearly every time. I wish we didnt have to come off it for 8 weeks. Bottom line: Highly Recommend Ultra Hard! Already in the last week since coming off I can tell my downswings are stronger now then they were on cycle. But hopefully they arent as bad as they were pre cycle. It's hard to judge that shit as you all know. But so far they dont last all day. Just in the morning here or the evening there ill feel like shit. But when I feel good now.. I feel perfect. Its not like there's even a little bad feeling when I feel good. It's like i feel perfect. Then all of a sudden I wont again.
Anyway trying to keep my mind occupied and off pfs. Still checking on here every now and again to see how everyone's progressing. Keep pushing and sticking with the protocol and improvements will come. 2 steps forward 3 steps back 3 steps forward 2 steps back and so on. Happy holidays

[Cdsnuts]

Sup ya filthy animals. Finished my andro cycle last week. 8 and a half weeks on cycle with the Ultra hard 5 or 6 pumps a day. Definitely feeling my best these days. Ultra Hard is the first supplement that has given me noticeable immediate reprieve from my symptoms. I miss it a lot already. Not that everyday was perfect on it or anything but at least in the few hours after applying it I would feel invigorated and good nearly every time. I wish we didnt have to come off it for 8 weeks. Bottom line: Highly Recommend Ultra Hard! Already in the last week since coming off I can tell my downswings are stronger now then they were on cycle. But hopefully they arent as bad as they were pre cycle. It's hard to judge that shit as you all know. But so far they dont last all day. Just in the morning here or the evening there ill feel like shit. But when I feel good now.. I feel perfect. Its not like there's even a little bad feeling when I feel good. It's like i feel perfect. Then all of a sudden I wont again.
Anyway trying to keep my mind occupied and off pfs. Still checking on here every now and again to see how everyone's progressing. Keep pushing and sticking with the protocol and improvements will come. 2 steps forward 3 steps back 3 steps forward 2 steps back and so on. Happy holidays

Hey man! Great to hear and thanks for checking back in with your progress. Love that shit.....lol. You well know the drill by now so you can certainly see your way out is coming very soon my friend! Awesome job!

I got a spot saved for you over in the recovery section when ever you're ready!

Keep us posted bro.

[alphacfi]

Sup. Its been a minute since I have made a post on here. So I feel like doing a status update today for my own personal log. I still come on here ever so often to check in with how a few of the guys that are on my timeline are doing. Glad to see a few of them are very close to recovered. I, unfortunately am not. Overall since my last post I feel like I have made incremental improvement. My day to day right now seems to be more consistent than in the past. By that I mean I don’t really have long lasting downswings or upswings. Just more day to day changes. I have really only one symptom remaining. And it just doesn’t seem to want to get any better. It causes other symptoms like not wanting to eat or be social and a little bit of anxiety and stress and anhedonia. But it all stems from this wicked head pain.

Its usually on the right side of my head but can sometimes be behind the ears and on some occasions just the whole head. It’s a gnawing agitating pain that sometimes (rarely) lasts all day but usually doesn’t appear in full until the afternoon or evening. It actually causes my head to audibly pop and grind. Meditation and breathing helps the secondary symptoms, like anxiety and such from building or metastasizing. But nothing seems to hit this head pain directly on.

Bottom line is: When I don’t feel the head pain, I am 100%. Easy. All the underlying symptoms are gone. But when I have the head pain, all the old symptoms seem to want to slide in with it.
I don’t know if anyone else has this symptom or knows wtf I am even talking about lol. But that’s what I am dealing with still. And it maybe has improved in terms of how often I experience it. But what hasn’t improved is how severe it can get when its there.

I'm riding the protocol harder than ever. I finished another andro cycle a few weeks ago. And have been dosing all the herbs and supplements on the list plus some. My kitchen is literally covered in my supplements. Drives my girl crazy. Looking forward to my next andro cycle. That definitely does make a difference. The last one I was doing 6 pumps of AH in the morning and 6 of the A4 in the afternoon and felt amazing most of the time. So hopefully that will be the antidote eventually to this head pain bull shit. Other than that life is good. Keep working boys and I have no doubt that this shit will be a thing of the past. Just needs time and consistency. Which i've had a lifetimes worth of lessons on in the past two years.

[Cdsnuts]

Sup. Its been a minute since I have made a post on here. So I feel like doing a status update today for my own personal log. I still come on here ever so often to check in with how a few of the guys that are on my timeline are doing. Glad to see a few of them are very close to recovered. I, unfortunately am not. Overall since my last post I feel like I have made incremental improvement. My day to day right now seems to be more consistent than in the past. By that I mean I don’t really have long lasting downswings or upswings. Just more day to day changes. I have really only one symptom remaining. And it just doesn’t seem to want to get any better. It causes other symptoms like not wanting to eat or be social and a little bit of anxiety and stress and anhedonia. But it all stems from this wicked head pain.

Its usually on the right side of my head but can sometimes be behind the ears and on some occasions just the whole head. It’s a gnawing agitating pain that sometimes (rarely) lasts all day but usually doesn’t appear in full until the afternoon or evening. It actually causes my head to audibly pop and grind. Meditation and breathing helps the secondary symptoms, like anxiety and such from building or metastasizing. But nothing seems to hit this head pain directly on.

Bottom line is: When I don’t feel the head pain, I am 100%. Easy. All the underlying symptoms are gone. But when I have the head pain, all the old symptoms seem to want to slide in with it.
I don’t know if anyone else has this symptom or knows wtf I am even talking about lol. But that’s what I am dealing with still. And it maybe has improved in terms of how often I experience it. But what hasn’t improved is how severe it can get when its there.

I'm riding the protocol harder than ever. I finished another andro cycle a few weeks ago. And have been dosing all the herbs and supplements on the list plus some. My kitchen is literally covered in my supplements. Drives my girl crazy. Looking forward to my next andro cycle. That definitely does make a difference. The last one I was doing 6 pumps of AH in the morning and 6 of the A4 in the afternoon and felt amazing most of the time. So hopefully that will be the antidote eventually to this head pain bull shit. Other than that life is good. Keep working boys and I have no doubt that this shit will be a thing of the past. Just needs time and consistency. Which i've had a lifetimes worth of lessons on in the past two years.

Thanks for checking in.

Have you tried a cold shower when your head pain/pressure comes on? I know this feeling you're speaking of.

Are you staying fully hydrated? Are you running creatine with the PH's? Sometimes it eats up more water then you're putting in.....just something to look out for.

That pain is most likely your brain battling it's way to the promised land. This is why it seems some symptoms come back when it happens.

But you are for sure, 100% doing the right thing by hitting it harder. THAT, is what you're supposed to do! So good on you for intuitively knowing that is what needed to be done. This is where alot of guys, that are SO close to recovery, just drop everything out of pure anger and frustration. It's a trick! Your brain is fighting to rebalance it's homeostasis.

[alphacfi]

Thanks for checking in.


That pain is most likely your brain battling it's way to the promised land. This is why it seems some symptoms come back when it happens.

But you are for sure, 100% doing the right thing by hitting it harder. THAT, is what you're supposed to do! So good on you for intuitively knowing that is what needed to be done. This is where alot of guys, that are SO close to recovery, just drop everything out of pure anger and frustration. It's a trick! Your brain is fighting to rebalance it's homeostasis.

I have actually that about that. If I am super strict with the protocol my head sometimes seems to feel worse. If I take a week off of working out and drink 2 or 3 times my head doesn't hurt as bad. So I think you might be right about that.

Cold showers definitely help momentarily. Every once in a while they will knock it out completely. Especially at night before bed. But most of the time just momentary relief before it comes back.

[Zonz]

Are you sure the head pain isn’t a separate problem? Have you visited a doctor and gotten it scanned or something? If you had a tumor or some sort of inflammatory disease that could effect your other sides...

[alphacfi]

Are you sure the head pain isn’t a separate problem? Have you visited a doctor and gotten it scanned or something? If you had a tumor or some sort of inflammatory disease that could effect your other sides...

I am sure it is related to PFS. It all started when I took the fin. I did go see a neurologist way back in the beginning and had an MRI of my head and neck. He said all was well. I told him about the fin and he said that the sides should pass within 1-3 months. This is the top neurologist in my city btw. Thats when I really realized that doctors dont know shit about this stuff.

I've seen lots of other guys post about head pressure and things like that. No one else seems to think that is their biggest issue though. For me that one just happens to be the biggest.

[Cdsnuts]

I am sure it is related to PFS. It all started when I took the fin. I did go see a neurologist way back in the beginning and had an MRI of my head and neck. He said all was well. I told him about the fin and he said that the sides should pass within 1-3 months. This is the top neurologist in my city btw. Thats when I really realized that doctors dont know shit about this stuff.

I've seen lots of other guys post about head pressure and things like that. No one else seems to think that is their biggest issue though. For me that one just happens to be the biggest.

I also had this done in the beginning as well as a spinal tap....yeah....a fucking spinal tap. ALL CLEAR! I was hoping they would find SOMETHING so I could at least know what was going on (this was before I knew what pfs was)

[alphacfi]

I also had this done in the beginning as well as a spinal tap....yeah....a fucking spinal tap. ALL CLEAR! I was hoping they would find SOMETHING so I could at least know what was going on (this was before I knew what pfs was)

Yeah I was searching for answers in some weird places lol. Even now I don't totally understand what is going on. But at least I know there is really only one way to fix it. And its all up to me. Which is kind of scary in its own right. But challenge accepted

[Cdsnuts]

Yeah I was searching for answers in some weird places lol. Even now I don't totally understand what is going on. But at least I know there is really only one way to fix it. And its all up to me. Which is kind of scary in its own right. But challenge accepted

You got this man......you already know it. You're almost there.....

[alphacfi]

5 months later... I did a 12 week andro cycle over the summer. (iconicformulations 6 pumps of ultrahard in the morning and 6 pumps of alpha four in the afternoon) It allowed me to enjoy my summer and take a couple trips including to Hawaii for 2 weeks PRACTICALLY symptom free. And also enjoy going back to work after having 8 months off due to COVID. I feel improvement in a lot of areas. I’ve been back in the herbs for 5 weeks now and haven’t lost much of the gains to this point.

Unfortunately I tore my ACL and meniscus at the gym a few weeks ago. Had to have surgery and take a bunch of pain pills. I stopped taking them a couple days ago and am going through slight withdrawals now. It’s noteworthy how similar opioid w/d symptoms are to my first 6 months of crashing feelings were. Fucking hell I don’t miss that feeling. So far my symptoms have been mostly leaving me alone amazingly while I’ve been laying around for almost a month. They’re still around sometimes but not too bad.

I can easily see my recovery now. Once I get this knee shit sorted out and get back into the gym plus 1 maybe 2 more cycles I have little doubt this is behind me.

[Brooks]

5 months later... I did a 12 week andro cycle over the summer. (iconicformulations 6 pumps of ultrahard in the morning and 6 pumps of alpha four in the afternoon) It allowed me to enjoy my summer and take a couple trips including to Hawaii for 2 weeks PRACTICALLY symptom free. And also enjoy going back to work after having 8 months off due to COVID. I feel improvement in a lot of areas. I’ve been back in the herbs for 5 weeks now and haven’t lost much of the gains to this point.

Unfortunately I tore my ACL and meniscus at the gym a few weeks ago. Had to have surgery and take a bunch of pain pills. I stopped taking them a couple days ago and am going through slight withdrawals now. It’s noteworthy how similar opioid w/d symptoms are to my first 6 months of crashing feelings were. Fucking hell I don’t miss that feeling. So far my symptoms have been mostly leaving me alone amazingly while I’ve been laying around for almost a month. They’re still around sometimes but not too bad.

I can easily see my recovery now. Once I get this knee shit sorted out and get back into the gym plus 1 maybe 2 more cycles I have little doubt this is behind me.

As someone who read your thread awhile back, stoked to see you’re so close! Curious, do you prefer UH over Super R-Andro?

Weight lifting is a big part of my routine so I gotta ask... how the heck did you bust up your knee so bad at the gym? That’s brutal!

[alphacfi]

As someone who read your thread awhile back, stoked to see you’re so close! Curious, do you prefer UH over Super R-Andro?

Weight lifting is a big part of my routine so I gotta ask... how the heck did you bust up your knee so bad at the gym? That’s brutal!

UH definitely for me. I felt nothing from Super R. I think I did 2 full cycles of it with basically no results. UH I’ve done 3 cycles and noticed big gains during and after each one.

Playing basketball. Just trying to get my legs warm for leg day and went full send. Rookie mistake

[Outlaw]

Hey alphacfi,

We never interacted but I read your thread a lot when times were hard, I'm glad you're feeling better, that's motivating.

I am also considering combining UltraHard and AlphaFour for my next cycle. Any tips to do so? Do we absolutely need equal amounts of pumps?

[alphacfi]

Hey alphacfi,

We never interacted but I read your thread a lot when times were hard, I'm glad you're feeling better, that's motivating.

I am also considering combining UltraHard and AlphaFour for my next cycle. Any tips to do so? Do we absolutely need equal amounts of pumps?

Hey man I’m glad to hear my thread has been helpful to you and hopefully other guys with the mental sides. I can honestly say that I had the worst possible mental side effects that fin has to offer. I’m sure some guys have, or have had, as bad as me but no way has anyone had worse mental sides than me. So the fact that I’m sitting here feeling normal, and feel normal most of my life these days, is a true testament to CDs protocol. 100%

I just do what works for me and that was 6 pumps of both every day. If I had any negative effects I would have adjusted. I wouldn’t start with 6. The bottles say 5 pumps but I’m a stickler for even numbers. You can’t apply both on the same place though or your skin will dry up and flake off. So I applied the UH on my upper body shoulders arms and back of neck. And A4 on my thighs hips stomach and lower back.

[Jado]

Hey man I’m glad to hear my thread has been helpful to you and hopefully other guys with the mental sides. I can honestly say that I had the worst possible mental side effects that fin has to offer. I’m sure some guys have, or have had, as bad as me but no way has anyone had worse mental sides than me. So the fact that I’m sitting here feeling normal, and feel normal most of my life these days, is a true testament to CDs protocol. 100%

I just do what works for me and that was 6 pumps of both every day. If I had any negative effects I would have adjusted. I wouldn’t start with 6. The bottles say 5 pumps but I’m a stickler for even numbers. You can’t apply both on the same place though or your skin will dry up and flake off. So I applied the UH on my upper body shoulders arms and back of neck. And A4 on my thighs hips stomach and lower back.

Have you ever cycled when your mental sides were really bad, or did you always wait to cycle till your mental sides were a little more manageable?

[alphacfi]

Have you ever cycled when your mental sides were really bad, or did you always wait to cycle till your mental sides were a little more manageable?

I don’t wait. As long as I have had the equivalent time off from my last cycle I start the next cycle regardless of how I feel that day or week or whatever. But I didn’t start Android cycles in the first place until I was 8 or 9 months post crash. I stabilized with the protocol first which is paramount before starting cycles. Not that a cycle would hurt you necessarily if you started early but it wouldn’t help you as much or at all without the foundation of diets herbs and exercise etc. already established. But I think you have that established..

[Jado]

I don’t wait. As long as I have had the equivalent time off from my last cycle I start the next cycle regardless of how I feel that day or week or whatever. But I didn’t start Android cycles in the first place until I was 8 or 9 months post crash. I stabilized with the protocol first which is paramount before starting cycles. Not that a cycle would hurt you necessarily if you started early but it wouldn’t help you as much or at all without the foundation of diets herbs and exercise etc. already established. But I think you have that established..

Right on, thanks. Yeah, I've been at it for a good long while and making progress. I've tried PH's in the past, but I think I may have been bottoming out my E. I hoping this latest R-Andro (Androsterone only) will be what I need. Gonna order it and get going.

[Turnover25]

I don’t wait. As long as I have had the equivalent time off from my last cycle I start the next cycle regardless of how I feel that day or week or whatever. But I didn’t start Android cycles in the first place until I was 8 or 9 months post crash. I stabilized with the protocol first which is paramount before starting cycles. Not that a cycle would hurt you necessarily if you started early but it wouldn’t help you as much or at all without the foundation of diets herbs and exercise etc. already established. But I think you have that established..

Do you, or anyone else know a replacement for Alpha Four? It’s no longer in production I believe

[alphacfi]

Do you, or anyone else know a replacement for Alpha Four? It’s no longer in production I believe

Damn yah looks like they discontinued the four. DPS nutrition has some here on a discount: Iconic Formulations Alpha Four - 7 fl oz (https://www.dpsnutrition.net/i/29895/iconic-formulations-alpha-four-7-fl-oz.htm?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsv2jnIPh8gIVM25vBB3xMgiyE AQYASABEgIE9_D_BwE)

I would stock up. I’m set for a couple years. Not taking any chances. I’ll wait to see if CD or anyone else has any idea of replacement.

[Turnover25]

Damn yah looks like they discontinued the four. DPS nutrition has some here on a discount: Iconic Formulations Alpha Four - 7 fl oz (https://www.dpsnutrition.net/i/29895/iconic-formulations-alpha-four-7-fl-oz.htm?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsv2jnIPh8gIVM25vBB3xMgiyE AQYASABEgIE9_D_BwE)

I would stock up. I’m set for a couple years. Not taking any chances. I’ll wait to see if CD or anyone else has any idea of replacement.

Cool man thanks, have you stacked the 4 every cycle? How do you compare it with and without it?

[alphacfi]

Cool man thanks, have you stacked the 4 every cycle? How do you compare it with and without it?

Better with it. Last fall was my first cycle with the UH. I was feeling good effects from it but didn’t last all day. So I ordered the four to supplement. The last week of cycle I applied the four in the afternoon and it boosted me back up again. And since then it’s been 2 full cycles of that. I look forward to both applications everyday

[Brooks]

Better with it. Last fall was my first cycle with the UH. I was feeling good effects from it but didn’t last all day. So I ordered the four to supplement. The last week of cycle I applied the four in the afternoon and it boosted me back up again. And since then it’s been 2 full cycles of that. I look forward to both applications everyday

And you didn’t experience any T suppression after cycling with the Four? How long were your cycles? I think I might be similar to you and respond better to UH over R-Andro for some reason

[alphacfi]

And you didn’t experience any T suppression after cycling with the Four? How long were your cycles? I think I might be similar to you and respond better to UH over R-Andro for some reason

I noticed a slight drop off from cycle baseline after my first 2 cycles but no suppression. After this last cycle I haven’t had any drop off at all. The benefits have stuck around. I had non perfect days on cycle and have non perfect days now. But they are rare and never last all day. My first 2 cycles were 8 weeks and this last one was 12 weeks.

[delsolrob]

Alpha four is out of production and has been removed from the Iconic site - DPS/Strong/SoCal-Nutrition/etc still have inventory.

Anyone looking for Alpha Four can dm me to find some - I also have quite a stash of them personally.

[HOPE]

Which symptoms are left for you? We need to hear the positive side.

[alphacfi]

Which symptoms are left for you? We need to hear the positive side.



I still get this strange head pressure/pain around the sides of my head. Mostly on the right side but can be both sometimes. It’s uncomfortable at best and can lead to me feeling anhedonic and depressed at worst. It can come out of no where but it usually shows up when I’m stressed or feeling melancholy about my past. Sometimes it only last a few minutes and the rest of the day is great. Most of the time it doesn’t start until late afternoon. It’s a unique symptom I guess because I never read anyone else talking about it. But it’s my last one and it’s the toughest one to get rid of completely. It’s definitely PFS related because it started right after I crashed. Other than that just eye floaters (these I can keep for life for all I care. And even they have gotten much better. I don’t even notice them unless I’m staring at white wall or white clouds.)

The positive side is my life is not controlled by my fears of PFS symptoms any more. I used to be completely slaved to it and couldn’t enjoy life or the thought of doing anything somewhat fun or productive. The thoughts of fear and dread were overwhelming. Even as recently as 6 months ago which was 2+ years after my crash I would still feel this way. Now my life isn’t like that anymore. I can sit and enjoy my thoughts and have good feelings about going out with friends or going to work and just literally everything else in life people do without even thinking. I still have some PTSD though. Like yesterday I was invited to go to a birthday party tonight and my initial thoughts were oh no I will probably have a terrible time. I had to check myself and remember that that’s not a problem for me anymore. I used to have major upswings and downswings. I don’t have downswings anymore. I mean sometimes my head pressure problem will be pretty bad a few days in a row. But it’s not a real PFS downswing. Where you are feeling great for a couple weeks then all of a sudden it’s like you are back to square 1 for a couple weeks. I know that bothered the shit out of me because it was like what’s the point! The last real downswing I had was December/January. I’m better talking about this shit in person lol. It’s hard to write it down and really exemplify how I feel now compared to how I used to feel. I’m certainly not perfect yet but compared to how I used to feel it’s almost not even the same disease anymore. It’s like I went from full blown COVID to having a stuffy nose.

[alphacfi]

I got a DM for my daily routine/regimen. I mostly just follow the protocol as tightly as possible but here it is. I take the recommended doses on the bottle or package of everything. I just take that recommended dose more than the recommend amount of times a day on a few things.. (I.e. the herbs on cycle are almost always 1/2 tsp or 1 tsp twice a day. I take the recommended does 3 times a day)

Morning- cold shower then breakfast. Eggs and meat, sometimes gluten free oat meal or yogurt and fruit. 1 maybe 2 cups of coffee after breakfast as a pre workout. Gym between breakfast and lunch usually. 5 days a week lifting and a little cardio. The other two days cardio sprints or jump rope. I get my sun with cardio because I like to do it outdoors.
Supplements and herbs
Vitamin D
Vitamin E
Ancestral supplements Beef Brain
Royal Bee Jelly
Glycine
Magnesium
Gotu Kola
L-Theanine
Lions mane
Bacopa
Pine pollen
Albizia
Cycled herb (19 different herbs on cycle)

Lunch- get back from the gym and take another cold shower. Usually a huge salad with nuts for protein. Sometimes some lean beef especially on hard workout days.
Supplements and herbs
Beef brain
Vitamin B
Tudca
Gotu Kola
Bacopa
Albizia
Pine Pollen
Spirulina
Chlorella
Cycled Herb

I have a protein shake and snack on fruits and nuts in the afternoon. Sometimes a protein bar. Lay by the pool and meditate. Or meditate inside for 20 mins. TBH I hate meditation so this is the hardest part for me. But I try. I used to do wim hoff daily. Haven’t done that in a year or so. I used to be forced to do it by my symptoms. So it’s actually a sign of improvement that I never think about doing it anymore.

Dinner- Usually salmon and veggies. However, I have been eating a lot of various normal foods for dinner for a while. Chicken and rice, gluten free pastas, steak and veggies, gluten free pizza, burger with gluten free buns, etc.. I just avoid the gluten. No gluten since the crash. Food is fuel for me now and it doesn’t seem to lead to anything negative if I vary from Paleo. Probably not positive either but at least it’s not negative.
Supplements and herbs- an hour before dinner
Beef brain
Ox bile
Glycine
L-theanine
Bacopa
Lions mane
Albizia
Pine pollen
Cycled herb

This post is already entirely too long but a couple other notes. I try not to masturbate too much. I wear blue light glasses at night. I sleep 8-10 hours a night. I drink once or twice a month. Drinking doesn’t lead to a downswing for me anymore. Nothing does. I avoid all the xenoestrogens. I get a massage twice a month. I try and do one thing every day that makes me or someone around me happy. That’s about it.

P.S. I find it incredibly helpful to keep a log of how I feel everyday. So maybe the most important thing I do is this. I use a number systems 1 through 10. 1 being suicidal and 10 being perfect. Each number I have associated with a particular type of feeling. I have 3 different time zones each day that I put the number by because I can feel like a 10 in the morning and a 7 at night. So it looks like this
Sunday 9/5/2021
Bed-12pm: 9
12pm-5pm: 10
5pm-bed: 8

[Turnover25]

I still get this strange head pressure/pain around the sides of my head. Mostly on the right side but can be both sometimes. It’s uncomfortable at best and can lead to me feeling anhedonic and depressed at worst. It can come out of no where but it usually shows up when I’m stressed or feeling melancholy about my past. Sometimes it only last a few minutes and the rest of the day is great. Most of the time it doesn’t start until late afternoon. It’s a unique symptom I guess because I never read anyone else talking about it. But it’s my last one and it’s the toughest one to get rid of completely. It’s definitely PFS related because it started right after I crashed. Other than that just eye floaters (these I can keep for life for all I care. And even they have gotten much better. I don’t even notice them unless I’m staring at white wall or white clouds.)

The positive side is my life is not controlled by my fears of PFS symptoms any more. I used to be completely slaved to it and couldn’t enjoy life or the thought of doing anything somewhat fun or productive. The thoughts of fear and dread were overwhelming. Even as recently as 6 months ago which was 2+ years after my crash I would still feel this way. Now my life isn’t like that anymore. I can sit and enjoy my thoughts and have good feelings about going out with friends or going to work and just literally everything else in life people do without even thinking. I still have some PTSD though. Like yesterday I was invited to go to a birthday party tonight and my initial thoughts were oh no I will probably have a terrible time. I had to check myself and remember that that’s not a problem for me anymore. I used to have major upswings and downswings. I don’t have downswings anymore. I mean sometimes my head pressure problem will be pretty bad a few days in a row. But it’s not a real PFS downswing. Where you are feeling great for a couple weeks then all of a sudden it’s like you are back to square 1 for a couple weeks. I know that bothered the shit out of me because it was like what’s the point! The last real downswing I had was December/January. I’m better talking about this shit in person lol. It’s hard to write it down and really exemplify how I feel now compared to how I used to feel. I’m certainly not perfect yet but compared to how I used to feel it’s almost not even the same disease anymore. It’s like I went from full blown COVID to having a stuffy nose.

I have the same symptom, I just have never talked about it on here. Intense crushing pain on the right side of my head near my temple, sometimes spreading to under my ear, causes my jaw to grind and pop. Accompanied by a huge bulging vein that appeared when I crashed. Always wondered why it was predominantly on the right side of my head. It’s basically gone away, but on rare occasions I’ll feel it. It’s my telltale way to know if I hit a downswing

[Cdsnuts]

I had this symptom. Always behind my eyes though. Felt like my head was in a vice. Best way to describe it. Keep doing what you're doing and it will also eventually go away.