Depression?

[jacknap]

So I think I pretty much beat PFS from RU58841. My libido is pretty much the same before I crashed (I like having sex like 3-4 times a week). Sleep pretty much the same generally like 8.5 hours is my ideal. Strength in gym same. Mentally the same. Posted this on hackstasis

Before I crashed though I was even a bit moody. I can't say for sure but I do think I'm the same mentally as to when I crashed.

I remember listening to a podcast and it was saying how there's about 8 main causes to depression so gunna research it.

Was thinking for mine main 3 causes could be 1) financially (I have my base needs covered but I haven't really sorted out career/future in this regards because I focused on other things because I had my base needs met from my family but it stifled my growth a bit in this area because I was satisfied but now I'm 29 and not in a situation to really have my own home / family etc without really compromising on my ideal standards. Also just general anxiety because seemingly far from doing something professionally that pays that I can endure for a long time). So that anxiety

Second, could be just I don't have as solid of a routine and I'm experimenting a lot which can lead to chaos (not always having a set wake up time, partying, I still follow cdnuts protocol but yes I party on top of that and not super rigid schedule because like I said i'm experimenting with finding a balance right now that makes me happy).

Third, maybe slightly biochemical? I think I was always pretty moody my parents said what else is new which leads me to think that perhaps us with PFS already had low neurosteroids and lend to be more artist types? We feel thing more because we have less neurosteroids. More sensitive if you will. Another PFS sufferer who crashed similar time to me (he recovered from Remeron actually) noted the same theory that we have low neurosteroids.

I feel good right now but earlier in the day I had a feeling of depression. I had a lot of stimulants though so perhaps it was the anxiety from the stimulants. I have to monitor it better. I have periods of joy throughout my life though so I guess maybe more like moody or even bipolar. Not sure. Insights?

Also note I do try to be grateful everyday for my recovery but yeah it's easy to forget (I have a gratitude practice but even still it's easy to really FORGET I'm bringing myself back there though and thankful.) I think also my parents not really believing my PFS though so they don't realize how far i've come they want me to just get on with shit but not realizing that like I almost came back from the dead.

[The Goat]

Excessive sex, drugs, etc. can all cause mood swings. I'm currently living like a saint and my mood is much more stable.

So it's a trade off. You get the high highs from the drugs, partying, girls, etcetera and also the lows that come with it.

I have lived both ways and both are nice ways to live. Got to balance it out and it depends what you want.

Maybe take breaks from that lifestyle once in a while it, can wear you out. Like a month or two months of nothing but clean living, building the body, building a business (if you want to), etcetera.

Or make some rules for yourself. Only partying allowed if you do "this". Use sex/partying/etc. as a way to reward yourself for something good.

[Bankai9000]

Excessive sex, drugs, etc. can all cause mood swings. I'm currently living like a saint and my mood is much more stable.

So it's a trade off. You get the high highs from the drugs, partying, girls, etcetera and also the lows that come with it.

I have lived both ways and both are nice ways to live. Got to balance it out and it depends what you want.

Maybe take breaks from that lifestyle once in a while it, can wear you out. Like a month or two months of nothing but clean living, building the body, building a business (if you want to), etcetera.

Or make some rules for yourself. Only partying allowed if you do "this". Use sex/partying/etc. as a way to reward yourself for something good.

Absolutely love that comment.
I think accepting a no-high no-low lifestyle is the first step to "heal" yourself. The moment I feel better the same time my shitty habits come kicking in, already wondered last days if I'm even craving the lows and not actually the highs lol. Probably both.
Life flies by with noone of those, and it's scary. 29 aswell with no stable family of my own, just living healthy and going to sleep early feels like I'm "wasting" my time. Because nothing extraordinary happens. It's not easy to get out of that pickin up girls and partying lifestyle with no stable woman. Worst is with 29 my expectations of a life partner are even higher than ever before. Guess trying to hype up your life without alc and during the day is key, but idk how to do that honestly XD

To the routine stuff, I try to make a list of goals which actually make me happy. It shows me for MYSELF that I'm wasting my time (even if productive) with stuff that won't make me happy in the long run, which then leads me falling back into old shitty habits.
Tried to write down all habits to achieve goals into "dontbreakthechain.com", for 2+ years I'm trying to make that shiet stick, some did some still didn't. Whenever I follow routine, I'm happy, happier, more confident and definitely healthier, but yet after several days I crave that chaos and stress. What to do XD


edit: I think living like this is like an "experience" from my earlier years. I partied hard between 16-18, then started gym. Then weird martial arts and lastly got into kickboxing which took over my life for over a year.
It was just gym 2x a week and 3x a week kickboxing, with sometimes meeting friends in the garden to box some more, school, healthy eatin and sleep.
It was a great time with a brotherhood feeling. But in retrospect nothing happened, I met noone signifant, I was just living, noone of these connections did stick for life. While same time there are people I haven't talked to in years and got drunk with I'd risk my right testicle for those ppl in an instant, and I'm 200% sure they'd do the same for me.
But as The Goat says, probably gotta try to do it for 1-2months, with no slips.

uf throwin all that out and readin helped, thanks^^

[jacknap]

yeah anytime I do drugs and stuff it's usualy when i'm working on my music or doing goal oriented pickup so it's not like completely degeneracy more like performance enhancing.

great point goat yeah highs and lows as body claws for homeostasis. Might do like a sober october challenge too to verify that hypothesis with experience. yeah cuz even in recovery my mood much mroe stabler even tho I was like 80% recovered compared to my 100% recovered now lol. but yeah I love being at a 10/10 vs. like a 7/10 everyday but to get that 10/10 gotta have some 5/10s I guess no biological free lunch perhaps lmao

[slader1]

So you got pfs from RU58841? Is that chemically similar to fin? Is it a 5-ar inhibitor too?

I do think a lot of us had naturally low neurosteroids as well. I was prone to depression before crashing, as was my father.

[jacknap]

So you got pfs from RU58841? Is that chemically similar to fin? Is it a 5-ar inhibitor too?

I do think a lot of us had naturally low neurosteroids as well. I was prone to depression before crashing, as was my father.

yeah back to normal pretty much but I'm still and was moody before this. Gunna cold shower in a bit trying to troubleshoot how to get myself to do it more often. Pipes are frozen in Toronto right now so it's a real bitch doing it winter here ice cold! feels glorious after though. Wonder the minimum effective dose. I heard 3-5 minutes is sweet spot like medicine. I've done 10 minutes before too.

[slader1]

yeah back to normal pretty much but I'm still and was moody before this. Gunna cold shower in a bit trying to troubleshoot how to get myself to do it more often. Pipes are frozen in Toronto right now so it's a real bitch doing it winter here ice cold! feels glorious after though. Wonder the minimum effective dose. I heard 3-5 minutes is sweet spot like medicine. I've done 10 minutes before too.

I just read a bit about RU58841. It looks like it blocks DHT receptors. That is different from fin, which inhibits 5-ar. I don't know that you would have experienced the low allopregnenelone that guys with pfs have. That part is what I think is largely responsible for the headaches and nerve pain. Did you experience that?

[jacknap]

I just read a bit about RU58841. It looks like it blocks DHT receptors. That is different from fin, which inhibits 5-ar. I don't know that you would have experienced the low allopregnenelone that guys with pfs have. That part is what I think is largely responsible for the headaches and nerve pain. Did you experience that?

I had everything PFS guys and more with RU. I had seizures too thought I had brain damage. But all Gucci now pretty much :) Fact that I got it from RU was even scarier because barely anyone has used it compared to fin.

[basementdweller]

you had muscle wasting and weakness? gastroparesis? complete loss of libido? hour-glass dick? crippling anxiety every single day? dry, thinning skin?

[slader1]

I had everything PFS guys and more with RU. I had seizures too thought I had brain damage. But all Gucci now pretty much :) Fact that I got it from RU was even scarier because barely anyone has used it compared to fin.

Actually Im worried about brain damage now that Ive gotten off of androhard. I am dizzy all the time, and feels like my head is getting twisted. Seems to get a little better with each passing day though, probably just have to give it time. I am hyper sensitive to anything hormonal.

[Samsemilia]

Actually Im worried about brain damage now that Ive gotten off of androhard. I am dizzy all the time, and feels like my head is getting twisted. Seems to get a little better with each passing day though, probably just have to give it time. I am hyper sensitive to anything hormonal.

I think i know what you mean by that, is it like body balance problems? Like your head/body is moving in waves?
I had it couple of times in the past each time it came it lead me to a higher baseline.

[slader1]

I think i know what you mean by that, is it like body balance problems? Like your head/body is moving in waves?
I had it couple of times in the past each time it came it lead me to a higher baseline.

Yeah something like that. It has gotten a little better the past couple days.

I think part of it could be because I began taking Lion's Mane my last week of the cycle. I did some digging on lion's mane on found this concerning study: Anti-androgenic activities of Ganoderma lucidum. - PubMed - NCBI (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16029938) And so I stopped taking it yesterday.
Also it seems like pretty much all mushrooms are significant 5-ar inhibitors, at least according to popular sentiment.

[Cdsnuts]

Excessive sex, drugs, etc. can all cause mood swings. I'm currently living like a saint and my mood is much more stable.

So it's a trade off. You get the high highs from the drugs, partying, girls, etcetera and also the lows that come with it.

I have lived both ways and both are nice ways to live. Got to balance it out and it depends what you want.

Maybe take breaks from that lifestyle once in a while it, can wear you out. Like a month or two months of nothing but clean living, building the body, building a business (if you want to), etcetera.

Or make some rules for yourself. Only partying allowed if you do "this". Use sex/partying/etc. as a way to reward yourself for something good.

Took the words out of my mouth. Couldn't have said it better myself. Great post.

Get straight Jack....it's the only way to true happiness and contentment. I'm talking from a place of intimate experience.