dogglaw's log.. looking for hope and guidance

[dogglaw]

hey guys, long time lurker and first time poster here. i'll start this off by heaping a big thank you to cd, as well as to guys like jacknap, master mal, ricktheruler, and any other regular here who doesn't have to spend time helping people out of the shit show that pfs is, but does so anyways. you guys are invaluable.

unfortunately, i'm starting this log and posting right now out of a sense of concern for where i find myself at this moment. but, before i get there, please allow me to communicate the parts of this journey that i think are worth mentioning.

first things first, im pretty damn young. i actually first got pfs when i was 18. my freshman year of college. im 19 now. needless to say, its been a weird experience that no one around, even my closest friends, can really understand. it is what it is.

i started taking the shit september 2018, noticed a scary and steady decline, and stopped taking it april 2019. you guys know what this part is like, its no fucking good. i spent about two months in a hellish, lethargic, foggy place, not knowing what to do and reading all of the wrong articles. it was this forum and the protocol that offered me a sort of light at the end of the tunnel, so now i'm coming back to it with some questions of my own.

second half of june i got on the protocol, starting with a week long juice feast, and it was slow, but i was getting better. it was a rough summer, but i put in the time and started the protocol.

by the end of the summer, i had added a few pieces to the protocol and this was what i was looking at

cold showers
11 herb rotation
veggie juice with 2-3 teaspoons of pine pollen every morning
vitamin d
niacinamide
vitamin bounty pro 50 prebiotic
200 mg caffeine
200 mg l theanine
cutting out gluten
meditation
glycine mixed w chamomile tea
weight training 4 times a week with run and sauna afterwards

i made steady gains running this, getting to the point where i no longer felt anxious. sleep was still tricky, but i had gotten my quick thoughts, sense of humor, and musical inclination back. i felt attractive and i was getting along with the ladies. i hardly ever came back to check the forum and was able to shake out the pfs mindset. i wasn't perfect, as i was still having difficulty concentrating on things like schoolwork, but i thought things would be okay and that the worst of it all was behind me.

because of this, i let myself drink a few times throughout the semester. being a college student in the city, i felt this pressure that i had to go out and live the young mans life, and so i did. i know now that this was a bad call. towards the end of the semester, i had run out of my pine pollen powder and my probiotics. because i don't have very much money, it took me a while to restock. without those things, i didn't feel great but i didn't feel anywhere nearly as bad as i had before. i got home for the break and slowly got worse. i blamed it on lack of stimulation and a stressful family situation, and those two things probably had a role, but i know that i should've been on top of my nutrition more. as i don't have a car, i haven't been hitting the gym very much, and i drank way too much around new years.

a week after new years, i feel as if i've crashed again. the awful lethargy is back and the brain fog is too. i feel crushed. i know im strong enough to weather the storm but this has been a huge test. i don't mean to send a long post to the tune of 'woe is me,' but i feel really demoralized and need hope and guidance. to have gone through that journey before and be back at this place is really scary.

i recently restocked on pine pollen, have been making my morning juice again, and started trying jarrow's s boulardii probiotic. what do you guys think of my situation? my biggest concern right now is that i go back to university pretty soon and i want to be in okay health over there. do you guys have any suggestions for supplements that i should add? additionally, should i do a fast before i go back? i feel like im back in the crash state and its killing me.

thank you for taking the time to read this. any words of wisdom that you guys might have for me are more than welcomed.

[Bankai9000]

Bru you did it once, so you can do it again. Let's go ;D
Focus on the natural stuff, on good food, good sleep, gym, add some yoga, don't think too much about university for now, get some deep breaths in. Focus on health day by day till it gets more comfortable than stepping out of it. ^^

[LetsGo]

With regards to the drinking, I think you have to pick one:

1) Drinking regularly.
2) Recovering from PFS.

So whichever of those two is most important to you, that’s the route you should go down. I think it’s obvious that #2 is the way to go. You may be fully recovered in 1 year, so you could still drink and whatnot later on in college. You can definitely make friends, date, etc among non-partiers as well, so you don’t have to become a hermit either. I would just follow the program and I think everything will be fine :)

[dogglaw]

Bru you did it once, so you can do it again. Let's go ;D
Focus on the natural stuff, on good food, good sleep, gym, add some yoga, don't think too much about university for now, get some deep breaths in. Focus on health day by day till it gets more comfortable than stepping out of it. ^^

thanks man, actually means a lot. i've been feeling pretty shaken up, but those types of words matter.

do you, or anyone else who's looking around, think a fast at this point is the right move? i'm fortunate enough to still have a week long window before classes start where i can complete it without having to worry about other obligations. i'm a bit afraid of getting real skinny, but if it'll be a significant boon i'll tough that shit through.

[dogglaw]

With regards to the drinking, I think you have to pick one:

1) Drinking regularly.
2) Recovering from PFS.

So whichever of those two is most important to you, that’s the route you should go down. I think it’s obvious that #2 is the way to go. You may be fully recovered in 1 year, so you could still drink and whatnot later on in college. You can definitely make friends, date, etc among non-partiers as well, so you don’t have to become a hermit either. I would just follow the program and I think everything will be fine :)

you're right man. i can chalk it up to immaturity or whatever the hell, but at the end of the day the right path here is the one that's straight and narrow. thanks for the feedback. i've got a whole damn life ahead of me and i need to understand the importance of it.

[Bankai9000]

I personally belive fasting is the best thing for pfs. I'd even do a waterfast for the week, mainly cuz it's not only easier but waaaay less work. (But if you eat carbs dont go below 5/6 days xd, it's only starving then). Then keep the juicing(or blending) in the morning added to your regular diet.
You gotta keep in mind the refeed is even more important so plan your week ahead if you decide to go for it.

[dogglaw]

also worth mentioning is that i've been gnarly sick all week... surely that has had a role in how lousy i've been feeling but i don't know when its gonna go away. i've just been eating light, broths, teas, homemade juice, and continuing to take protocol stuff.. my mom wants me to go to the doc but i'm reluctant to because of a lot of the stuff i've read on here about the importance of riding out sickness. i do however, feel pretty damn rough. everything hurts essentially and the fatigue is a mofo. the sleep has been awful and its reminding me way too much of crash state.

its been 5 days and i usually never get sick for longer than like 3. any input you guys?

[Bankai9000]

ahahaha man they say sickness is a good thing. I got completely fuked by high fever with tons of shit for 2 full weeks lol, and now 3weeks later I still have sore throat. Didn't want to take antibiotics no matter what cuz of the shit I read aswell, but now I think this was pretty damn risky XD, still glad I managed without. I literally couldn't move for 3 days AT ALL, like going to WC was putting me down for 4-5hours LOL XDD, then got no sleep for 2 weeks due to steady coughs lol. It's shitty with all the scary stuff one can read, but I'd say if you GET sick, means your immunsystem is somewhat working which is great.

Might be coincidence but my heartbeat which was awful the whole time is a bit better after this.

Usually what happens is a viral infection due to weakened immunsystem, and then a bacterial one follows and this puts most people down for 10-14days without antibiotics.

[dogglaw]

ahahaha man they say sickness is a good thing. I got completely fuked by high fever with tons of shit for 2 full weeks lol, and now 3weeks later I still have sore throat. Didn't want to take antibiotics no matter what cuz of the shit I read aswell, but now I think this was pretty damn risky XD, still glad I managed without. I literally couldn't move for 3 days AT ALL, like going to WC was putting me down for 4-5hours LOL XDD, then got no sleep for 2 weeks due to steady coughs lol. It's shitty with all the scary stuff one can read, but I'd say if you GET sick, means your immunsystem is somewhat working which is great.

Might be coincidence but my heartbeat which was awful the whole time is a bit better after this.

Usually what happens is a viral infection due to weakened immunsystem, and then a bacterial one follows and this puts most people down for 10-14days without antibiotics.

should i keep up my pine pollen veggie juice, protocol supplements, and probiotics right now? i'm just pretty confused to be honest.

[Bankai9000]

idk, eating healthy and getting plenty of rest is probably key when sick, wouldn't force cold showers or so unless your body craves it. I'm not sure about probiotics, I focused more on prebiotics usually like cabbage or so, dont know about probiotics when ill. Adding some teas with antiinflammatory properties might be beneficial like turmeric, chamilione or rhooibos and cuttin sum ginger in or whatever, some garlic here and there. Some intermitted fasting maybe, eat when hungry. I consider herbs more like healthy food, dont think they're bad even then, but wouldnt go ham on them aswell

[dogglaw]

kicked the cold a few days ago and i've been starting a 5-7 day water fast today. i need to get this ship back on track and i think this is a good way to jumpstart that.

anyone who is reading this and is in the early phases of dealing with pfs, please let this be an important word of caution. don't indulge until pfs is long gone. i did so, thinking that there was no way i could get pushed that far back, and i paid the price by being set back in a major way. it's been a profoundly upsetting experience, and as a young man i'm currently in a place in life where i feel like i need to be working hard towards my future. the return of heavy symptoms makes that really hard, but i'm gonna be doing everything i can to put myself in a better place. things are just really hard right now. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed in myself and where i'm at.

but life has to go on. i made very meaningful progress before, and i'm going to make it again, this time putting pfs in the rear view mirror forever. it's been done, and i have to believe in my own ability to do it.

[dogglaw]

i have to be honest, i'm pretty scared right now. i'm on the third day of water fasting and what's killing me is the amount of brain fog that i have. it's making me question everything, and a mere two months ago i thought i'd never have to deal with it at this level again.

thinking about my family, thinking about my friends, thinking about where i want to be and how far off that feels. i'm just a scared kid right now man. i've tried breathing exercises and meditation but that's only done so much. i'm not gonna do anything stupid but i'm struggling. i need hope. what can i do? any recommended reading or videos i can watch to calm this storm? i'm really sorry to bring negative talk onto this forum, it just means a lot to be able to voice this to other people who have been through this. i sincerely want to get better and see some of those brighter days.

[Alchemy]

i have to be honest, i'm pretty scared right now. i'm on the third day of water fasting and what's killing me is the amount of brain fog that i have. it's making me question everything, and a mere two months ago i thought i'd never have to deal with it at this level again.

thinking about my family, thinking about my friends, thinking about where i want to be and how far off that feels. i'm just a scared kid right now man. i've tried breathing exercises and meditation but that's only done so much. i'm not gonna do anything stupid but i'm struggling. i need hope. what can i do? any recommended reading or videos i can watch to calm this storm? i'm really sorry to bring negative talk onto this forum, it just means a lot to be able to voice this to other people who have been through this. i sincerely want to get better and see some of those brighter days.

Stay strong, it does and will get better. Your body is going through a healing crisis, releasing bringing up a lot of toxicity which ends up exuberating symptoms.

You're not going to feel good fasting while sick, it's very tough but necessary at this stage. Rest, sleep as much as you can if possible

If you need to end the fast, end it or go on to juicing which is a lot easier on the system

After you finishing fasting and start eating again, thats when you will feel the difference of improvement. What you're experiencing right now is routine.

[Turnover25]

Don’t be scared bro, I went through the SAME thing on my water fast. Brain fog was brutal and I could barely function or drive or anything, it was like I split from reality. It went away a couple days after I ended the fast, your body is in a detox stage so you might get that brain fog/dizzy sensation. You’re good.

[dogglaw]

both of yall, thank you so much. you've got no idea how much words like that mean at points like this. a few hours later, i feel fine. as you guys know this shit aint easy but i know i'm steering the ship in the right direction. currently making plans for how to best integrate the protocol into my college schedule this semester. here's to kicking this things ass and vanquishing pfs once and for all :cool:

[dogglaw]

also, what advice to you guys have for breaking the fast? i know and recognize that what you eat after the fact is also super important. i was thinking greens and berries smoothie for the first couple of days, then after that phasing in the normal paleo diet with good probiotics like sauerkraut and greek yogurt.

[Cdsnuts]

both of yall, thank you so much. you've got no idea how much words like that mean at points like this. a few hours later, i feel fine. as you guys know this shit aint easy but i know i'm steering the ship in the right direction. currently making plans for how to best integrate the protocol into my college schedule this semester. here's to kicking this things ass and vanquishing pfs once and for all :cool:

Good for you.

- - - Updated - - -


also, what advice to you guys have for breaking the fast? i know and recognize that what you eat after the fact is also super important. i was thinking greens and berries smoothie for the first couple of days, then after that phasing in the normal paleo diet with good probiotics like sauerkraut and greek yogurt.

No:

To break the fast you want to start with melon, or something easily digestable. Eat that all day. Then SLOWLY reintroduce heavy and heavier foods as the says go on.

Biggest mistake I see people making is eating too much too fast along with making the wrong food choices.

[dogglaw]

first day of class today. broke fast yesterday, just been sticking to raw fruit and will until sunday or so, when i'll slowly start to reintroduce heavier foods.

my brain fog and anxiety are still really bothering me. i have flashes here and there of less of it but it still really hurts to be dealing with that again after i had succeeded in mostly pushing that away. my classes this semester are pretty difficult, and i'm worried i won't be able to perform the way i want to. i'm meditating as much as i can, and getting ready to start hitting the protocol full force again after my refeed is done. but it's hard right now. this relapse has shaken me and i need to start feeling progress again. i need to keep my best foot forward and have faith.

[Cdsnuts]

first day of class today. broke fast yesterday, just been sticking to raw fruit and will until sunday or so, when i'll slowly start to reintroduce heavier foods.

my brain fog and anxiety are still really bothering me. i have flashes here and there of less of it but it still really hurts to be dealing with that again after i had succeeded in mostly pushing that away. my classes this semester are pretty difficult, and i'm worried i won't be able to perform the way i want to. i'm meditating as much as i can, and getting ready to start hitting the protocol full force again after my refeed is done. but it's hard right now. this relapse has shaken me and i need to start feeling progress again. i need to keep my best foot forward and have faith.

Spend some more time on the breathing exercises AND cold showers to knock out brain fog. No such thing as too many cold showers or breath work.

[dogglaw]

refeed done. back on protocol, including pine pollen and probiotics everyday. had a nice little upswing a couple days ago and now i'm a bit down again. in my upswing i felt some things come back online in a way they haven't in a while. i saw some clarity, hung out with close friends, and i made some goals. anxiety/fog wasn't all the way out, but it was a lot better.

now down again, it just kind of hurts and i the strong negative emotions of anxious fog are back. i try my best to fight it, but that state can be a real bitch. having had so much experience with it at this point, i truly wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

i've also been getting a lot of food cravings that are hard to ignore when i feel down. but i'm trying. i'm not eating processed garbage or anything of that nature, but i at times feel like i'm eating too much and eating to cope. but, forward is the way. progress feels really slow when you're low, but its happening. i just have to stay the course.

[Turnover25]

refeed done. back on protocol, including pine pollen and probiotics everyday. had a nice little upswing a couple days ago and now i'm a bit down again. in my upswing i felt some things come back online in a way they haven't in a while. i saw some clarity, hung out with close friends, and i made some goals. anxiety/fog wasn't all the way out, but it was a lot better.

now down again, it just kind of hurts and i the strong negative emotions of anxious fog are back. i try my best to fight it, but that state can be a real bitch. having had so much experience with it at this point, i truly wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

i've also been getting a lot of food cravings that are hard to ignore when i feel down. but i'm trying. i'm not eating processed garbage or anything of that nature, but i at times feel like i'm eating too much and eating to cope. but, forward is the way. progress feels really slow when you're low, but its happening. i just have to stay the course.

Hey brother, I’m a fellow brain fog sufferer too. Also a student. I know how hard it can be with fog and anxiety. If it helps, go check out my thread and find the post I made about ending my fast and hitting an upswing. It’s all part of the course man, things are improving drastically later on down the line so just keep at it and remember you’ll be fine.

[dogglaw]

Hey brother, I’m a fellow brain fog sufferer too. Also a student. I know how hard it can be with fog and anxiety. If it helps, go check out my thread and find the post I made about ending my fast and hitting an upswing. It’s all part of the course man, things are improving drastically later on down the line so just keep at it and remember you’ll be fine.

thanks a ton champ. you don't have to send these kind words my way but you do so anyways. that means a lot. i get the long game aspect of the protocol, and i recognize that this shit aint always gonna be peaches and cream. i just hate the feeling of seeing people who you know and care about and just not being all the way there to talk them. also the sensation of your normal passions and personality being dulled and not knowing that base feeling that you always had before pfs. right now i'm still in a place where i feel quite anxious talking to someone who isn't in my closest circle, and when i work on things that i know are supposed to be building towards long term goals, the satisfaction and motivation is lagging. but you have to hold onto the good flashes. i made such a meaningful recovery before this recent setback, and thats a big reason why its so tough right now. i made so many steps forward and i got pushed back to this painful state that i thought would stay in the past forever. but, its instrumental to lean on the fact that i did indeed get better, and not that it got worse again.

i'm trying my damn hardest, and i know that this state is temporary, but it takes a lot. its just scary at times, a man can get filled with doubt. but, i will say that at the end of the day hope and despair both weigh the same amount and its up to us to tip the right scale.

[xxaleksi]

thanks a ton champ. you don't have to send these kind words my way but you do so anyways. that means a lot. i get the long game aspect of the protocol, and i recognize that this shit aint always gonna be peaches and cream. i just hate the feeling of seeing people who you know and care about and just not being all the way there to talk them. also the sensation of your normal passions and personality being dulled and not knowing that base feeling that you always had before pfs. right now i'm still in a place where i feel quite anxious talking to someone who isn't in my closest circle, and when i work on things that i know are supposed to be building towards long term goals, the satisfaction and motivation is lagging. but you have to hold onto the good flashes. i made such a meaningful recovery before this recent setback, and thats a big reason why its so tough right now. i made so many steps forward and i got pushed back to this painful state that i thought would stay in the past forever. but, its instrumental to lean on the fact that i did indeed get better, and not that it got worse again.

i'm trying my damn hardest, and i know that this state is temporary, but it takes a lot. its just scary at times, a man can get filled with doubt. but, i will say that at the end of the day hope and despair both weigh the same amount and its up to us to tip the right scale.

In the early stages what helped me tremendously was trying to separate your thoughts from what you actually do. There will be days where you feel like shit, anxious, terrified and don't really feel like going to the gym, sprinting, or taking a cold shower. But you still have to do them anyway. Meditation helps a ton with this. Eventually you'll notice you haven't had those racing thoughts, anxiety and feelings of terror in months. Our minds are working against us a lot of the time with PFS.

[dogglaw]

stopping by to say that even though shit can be hard, perseverance matters and sometimes simply being able to withstand all the rough shit is worth celebrating in and of itself. i’ve been venting a lot on here, but in more positive places the gym is starting to feel natural and enjoyable again. did a full workout, hiit, and hit the sauna today. definitely helps with anxiety.

my focus right now is on destressing, my stress levels have definitely been really high. i know pine pollen is the shit and i’ve felt first hand its benefits, but i think the dose i’ve been at has been stressing out my system a bit. so for now i’m gonna take a lower dose, just the one spoon instead of 2-3. i’ve also been reading about stress and trauma and how it affects the brain, and how to sort of defuse it, as i know that its a huge part of this. i’m working. butterflies and rainbows still aren’t exactly greeting me every morning, but best foot forward.

[dogglaw]

wanted to post some positivity. decent day so far today. don't feel panicky. don't have awful food cravings. feel more mentally present than i've been feeling. took my protocol supps, had my morning veggie juice w pine pollen for breakfast, and some salmon and brussel sprouts for lunch. gonna hit the gym later after my last class of the day. everyone who's on this journey, keep on truckin and keep on doing things right. time can pass slow at times, but you've got to put it on your side in dealing with this. things will improve with commitment and grit.

[JoeP26]

wanted to post some positivity. decent day so far today. don't feel panicky. don't have awful food cravings. feel more mentally present than i've been feeling. took my protocol supps, had my morning veggie juice w pine pollen for breakfast, and some salmon and brussel sprouts for lunch. gonna hit the gym later after my last class of the day. everyone who's on this journey, keep on truckin and keep on doing things right. time can pass slow at times, but you've got to put it on your side in dealing with this. things will improve with commitment and grit.

Awesome! And very true. Keep us updated. 🙏