Just need to vent. My buddy is PCS'ing to a different duty station. So I went out drinking with him. I havent drank in a while, I swore it off. I blacked out one weekend, and did some stuff I'm not proud of. I found out some news about some other stuff, which wrecked my world. Then my banking institution canceled my wrong debit card, and I've been without access to money for like 1.5weeks. Last night we went out. I was drinking, but not much, and just beer. Went to an EDM club so I was jumping and moving/sweating constantly. So I was partially drinking just to have soemthing in my hand, and the other part I was thirsty. Well, when it was time to leave, I felt pretty buzzed. He couldnt drive, our other buddy doesn't have a license, and the other one did, but couldn't drive a manual. So I told him lets wait until I'm clear headed, and good to go. Sat, in the car, and smoked a cigarette, felt pretty good after a decent bit of time. So we drove to the food stand we always go to. I got a mexi dog, and waited around to be served for another few bits. Ate it in the car, and felt almost completely sober, 90%. Then we left. I drive a sports car, so when I get up in the powerband, you hear it, and can feel it quite easily. Hitting 80mph, is about 3k rpm's for me, which is when my exhaust resonates, my engine starts roarin, and you know you're moving. My buddies dodge dart is bone stock, no cruise control or anything. Geared much larger, 80mp, is about 2.4k rpm's for him. It's the little 2.0l engine. So paired up they don't accelerate fast at all. But they accelerate ever so easily that you don't notice it. It happened when I was driving out there, and had to catch myself often. Then on the way back, I realized it again, and had to correct myself often. I was pointing out all the drunk drivers to my buddy, and the ones swerving on the road. I was fine.But one time when the car got away from me again. I hit 79mph, I normally drive about 70 on the 60mph highway. This time a cop was behind me, and turned his lights on. I couldn't see anything behind me, or to my right, other than the light of another car. So I did what seems logical to me, and pulled over 2 lanes to the left and then puleld onto the left shoulder. He didn't like that, and immediately brought that up first when he came to the window. Everyone must take drivers ed in MD, but in WA, above age 21, you do not. So I did not know this law that you're supposed to pull to the right side. Common sense says to me go to the closest/most easily accessed shoulder. He asked me about my speed, and informed me I was doing 79. Then asked me to step out of the car, and gave me FST. Walk a straight line counting the 9 steps outloud, then completeing a U-turn, while keeping 1 foot planted, and counting 9 steps back, and another u turn. Then stand on 1 foot, and raise my other one up 6 inches toe pointing forward and watching my foot. I did this without swaying anymore than normally acceptable by the planted foot rolling inside to outside to keep you balanced. My foot wasnt 'high enough', so he wanted it higher. Did that with no problem as well. Then did the pen trick, had to follow it with my eyes. I know how to tell when I'm drunk because I try to look at soemthing off to a corner of my eye, and see if they bounce. I noticed no bouncing of my eyes, and this test was taking place over a period of like a minute or so, like he couldn't decide for himself if it was ok or not. When we got to the station I blew a .07. The was released after signing paperowkr, and taking their breathylyzer. I was given no tcket, no citation, just a sheet with my results on the Breathylyzer, the impound slip for my buddies car, and a ride home. Where we did no less than 80 on the highway the entire time, and no he didn't have his lights on, most of the time we were up around 90. This is depressing as fuck it all comes at one time. Shit feels like it's closing ina round me. Life was going great, I finally felt fully recovered from my last cycle, was performing great in the sack, felt alpha non stop. I was in a great state of mind, being and life. Then this happened. Im talkign to lawyers now, for free consults and seeing what my options are, since I was under .08, they have to prove I was driving impaired. The state trooper told the people in the car he didn't stop me under suspiscion of drunk driving. I wasnt swerving or anything. I was just blazing trails. I never thought this would be me. The $1k flat fee for dui lawyers is the cheapest I've seen so far.. :/
I needed to vent soemwhere. I don't wanna burden my girl, or my family. I told my mom, but thats it. I feel like this is a healthy outlet for me. I've been depressed for a few weeks since these events started happening. Then when this happened last night. I seriously contemplated suicide. I'm over it now. But I figured it'd be rank taken, extra duty, money taken, and then a dishonorable discharge, and my life was over. I really thought for an hour like there was no way out. I still feel like it's all closing in around me. But I'd never be so selfish, or cowardly to kill myself.
