This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Greetings all, first of all I want to thank the effort put by CD and others in the community for this space, and please excuse me before hand for english is not my native language.
Thank you again for this space, for when I crashed in august of last year most of the feedback I got from other online forums was really, really negative. As for doctors,generally speaking they think it is mostly in ones head and just offer a pharmaceuticals "solutions". Hopefully more and more people will be directed here and avoid to fall into despair pits that are not even worth to mention.
Anyways, my story short. I am almost 28 yo and. around 2014 I wen't to the derm because of my thinning hair. He prescribed fin and told me it had 0 sides, however I did my research and decide I was not gonna risk it. Bought then other stuff in the prescription (shampoos, minox, tonics, etc) but not the fin and decide that I would reduce the DHT by other means ie: saw palmetto, green tea extract, pumpkin seed oil ( how fool I was)
So fast forward to 2016, besides some ocasional lethargy, brain fog and eye floaters I had no other symptoms that can recall, and was doing really good in the sexual department. That year a lot of good things happened; professionally and personally I was doing good and life eventually got so busy that I forgot to take all the hair related stuff for around 1 week and then it happened.
Friday 19 of august of 2016
The Crash:
That morning I was taking a shower and noticed all of the sudden there was no response down there not even by manual stimuli. That was the beginning of a lot of symptoms that I would not write here but mainly I was dealing with ED, Insomnia.
Remember I told you I bought from the derm the shampoos, etc?. well when I was tossing in the trash cursing all that stuff among with the supplements I made an awful discovery: reading the composition tab of the minoxidil bottle it displayed also "finasteride 0.025%" A chill went down my spine and the bullet I thought that I had dodged had got me and in reality I was exposed to it for at least 2 and a half years. Add to that those natural dht suppressors and a couple of isotretoinie cycles for acne that I took in my early 20's ( I came to discover that there are isotretoinin users that develop something similar to pfs, apparently it hurts your dht as well) anyway at that point I thought my life was over.
Time went by and the symptom that improved the most was insomnia, (it took about 4 months to stabilize and I was able to sleep 6 hours without aids which compared to the first months was huge progress).
Here I want to warn people not to throw away the progress they have achieved by doing silly things, in January I started to use (maybe it was more an abuse) cannabis. And while it helped a lot to temporary relieve some of the symptoms ( most of all mood), the insomnia kicked in hard again ( if I was under the influence I could sleep like a baby but if not then maybe 3 hours tops) the lesson is to cherish your progress and don't toss it away, for any miss step like alcohol, a weekend of bad diet or in this case abusing weed can lead to a huge leap backwards. ( from what I have researched cannabis depletes the magnesium in the brain)
Anyways as for today I have some few good days and some bad, in general I feel that have improved a bit but I am still far from a recovery. In two weeks from today I will start the cleanse and commit 110% on the protocol.
I can definitely tell you that whatever this is, is gut related. You see on my third month after the crash, one night I ate some oatmeal and cinnamon before bed. That night I woke up at 4 am with the worst stomach cramps, turns out the cinnamon was long expired. So, I made some tea and eventually could rest, the thing was that the next morning I woke up not only feeling relieved but with a iron wood, the kind of wood get so hard you actually feel a little pain, the kind of wood that was normal before all this.
Heading now to a full recovery, will keep you updated through the protocol.
Some final words: sometimes I think this condition is kind of a sentence, we are doing sentence and our offense was our vanity. But we can get out of this prison guys, it can be long term, short term but it ain't for life and in the most part is up to us. This experience is really hard but remember that diamonds are made from the hardest pressures on earth.
This experience will make you face with who you are, and can grow out of it to came out a better man, both body and mind. We came into this mess like a vain boys, but will come out like the men we are meant to be.
As Churchill once said: " if you are going through hell, keep walking"
Keep walking guys, we can conquer this.
This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Entering day 5 of the cleanse right now, today was not the best day. Had to go out to make some errands and got to drank 2.5 qts before running out of juice about 3 pm.
Finally got home about 9pm and was starving, so I made more juice but I mindlessly threw some random veggies and fruits in the blender bad idea! the result: A really grotesque dirt tasting juice. Managed to drink half a qt before almost throwing up. Threw the rest of it down the toilet and now feeling drowsy and with the chills.
Red cabbage, kale, kiwi cucumber and brocoli juice NEVER AGAIN!
This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Hey everyone, time for a short update:
Now eight days into the cleanse, today was a good day but I had to spend most of the day working on a really difficult academic paper (believe me it was), because of it I did not have the time to make enough juice, maybe drank 2 Qts of juice and the rest was just water with some honey and a bit of ground nutmeg. Maybe thats why im feeling lightheaded right now. What I want to underline about today is that despite being 8 days without eating I somehow could focus really well on the subject ( I would say even better than the usual) and did the whole paper with moderately effort. On the downside I have diarrhea as for right now, ( maybe for the high fructose as I drank today most fruit than veggies) I hope that condition disappears tomorrow since at 10 am I have to expose todays work in front of the whole class for about 3 hours...lol!! Oh well, Wish me luck.
Will keep you updated.
Keep the spirit strong!
This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Update.
After the juice feast I jumped on the protocol and things improved but they stalled after a while. That was due to not committing 100% in the protocol e.g I was eating carbs through the day, not doing HIIT, was fapping regularly, among other stuff.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, I decided to do another cleanse. This time was only water for 72 hours. After the cleanse I jumped fully on the protocol. The only things I am not doing atm are pheromones, foam roalling pumping and sunning the boys ( its difficult where I live ) asides from that I am doing all the stuff and adding other stuff like eating probiotics.
Things that have improved in all this time:
Sleep: now I can sleep for almost 8 hours just waking up once a night to pee.
Stress: Since meditating feel more calm and that anxiety pfs induced now rarely appears.
Anhedonia: Still a long way to fully recover but at least now I can feel some emotions, happines, anger, joy.
Ejaculation quality and performance / improved sensation during sex: Last week after no fapping for 30 days I had sex and sensation of pleasure felt pretty much like before this. Also the climax and the volume / force of the ej was really good too. ( in ny darkest times it was like a drop of water)
Morning wood: Get it most mornings or at night when I wake up to pee. (idk if it is legit wood or pee wood since most of times it fades away after peeing or maybe those are the same but at least there is wood)
Couple of sexual dreams: I have been having those more frequent. In fact I have been dreaming more, there was a period of just pitch black after crashing.
Sweat returning: I remember in the past when I pushed at the gym I sweated like a pig, however after crashing I noticed that I did not sweated at all but last sessions it is slowly coming back as well as the arm pit odor.
Stools are also better (thanks water fast/ probiotics)
Brain fog: it was never that bad to begin with but it certainly was there. Now I feel more clear and can focus more.
As KB said " mind to cock connection" lol :
A couple of weeks ago I was at the bank and could get a mild erection just by looking at a hot girl in the line. Also there where a couple times I could achieve an erection without manual stimulation.
Things that still need to improve:
No random boners.
Erection quality.
Eye floaters ( I think this bastards will stay for a really long time)
Full well being and strength feeling, full zest return.
Also I need to get more discipline and self control doing the protocol and in life generally. For two weeks is easy but what matters is the long run.
For instance I have been struggling to go to sleep at 10 pm or 11 tops and wake up at 6:30, it helps adrenal recovery, when I do it I wake up so rested.
I think that summarizes my current situation, I am still at a long way to complete recovery would say I am maybe 40- 50% recovered and even those recents improvements can fade away ( you know this is a rollercoaster)
This coming 19th of august I will complete 1 year of this bullshit syndrome. I will run some blood work to compare it to ones after crash.
We can beat this bs, Keep it up everyone!
This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Update: las time I posted I was up. This week I have been down. Feel I took two steps back. Brain fog, mood sexual sides, and bad digestion hitting again. Last week things got pretty busy and I didn't have time to go to the gym almost no herbs nor meditation. At least Sleep is good though. Yesterday one of my friends turned 29 and threw a bday party. Guess who stayed at home? Felt kind of depressed about it it was also yesterday the day I crashed a year ago. Had to vent this out. I will put all my energy towards recovery. Cmon if a guy climbed the Everest in his underwear then we can beat this!
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This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Update: did some blood work 1 year post crash everything came top notch. Way better than a year ago: Testosterone and free T high range, low E, etc. seems I am good on the hormonal side, but recovery wise im maybe 45%.
Gonna tackle gut / mind now, I will start a regime of probiotics and see how that works.
Anyway yesterday something really nice happened that I want to share: I had this crazy sexual dream with one of my teen crushes. It was really xxx, almost even close to be a wet dream, woke up real hard and stuff. It has been a long time since having one of those. I am taking that as progress somehow my brain is on track to healing.
Will keep you updated,
Keep going
This can be the Battle of our lives: Fear not for we can conquer this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jacknap
congrats. what are your remaining symptoms? what helped u most?
Thanks. I am still a long way from recovery.
Remaining are:
fluctuating ED-Libido
(Mostly there is insensibility when not hard but improves when I get hard to the point I can have normal sex)
Long refractory periods and no random boners
Poor digestion
Occasional brain fog
Improved:
Hard on and semen Quality
Anxiety
Sleep
Those 3 where a disaster when I crashed.
What I believe help me the most is exercise , no fap, calming the mind. Good diet and sleep patterns.
