Originally Posted by
Gats
Hello friends,
Having already started a thread about my deadlifting pain (now resolved, thanks for the prompt replies guys, I knew I was travelling a bit close to the sun deadlifting at this stage :p), I thought that I should maybe set up my own thread in case I ever had any future questions or issues.
In August of last year, after a break up, a death in the family complicated by covid, and having to very abruptly move cities, I took a single dose of Prozac. Almost immediately I was hit with genital numbness, insane headaches, trembling in my upper right arm, shakes and diarrhoea, it felt like I had a bad case of the flu. Obviously, I wasn't going to be stupid enough to take anymore of this shit when its effects were so immediately poisonous, but upon googling my symptoms, I realised that I might well have ruined my own life, pages of horror stories about PSSD going unresolved for years after a single dose, there being no cure, most doctors not having heard of it; I called my GP and she said my symptoms were 'pharmacologically impossible' and were all in my head, even though I could see my dick had shrivelled up into nothing, the tissue itself had changed colour and texture, my glands were white, it was bizarre, like living in a nightmare.
In the days afterwards with no change and worsening I started to panic, went to the hospital and described my symptoms and they pretty much laughed me off, one of the psychiatrists there visibly rolled her eyes at me when I suggested this could be permanent. I got some patronizing guff about how I'm only 22 and of course I'm going to worry about any signs of sexual dysfunction; I don't think they really quite grasped the issue; over six months on and there's been no change, and there's an almost complete absence of sexuality. At the hospital I was also prescribed four days of benzos to help me manage the panic that was setting in. If I'd been thinking straight, I'd have binned them, but at that point I really didn't know if I was going insane or not, and took what I could get. I have all the cognitive issues associated with PSSD; the emotional flatness, the apathy, the fatigue, basically feeling like a robot, but I also worry that the four days of benzos might have triggered those issues, or at least exacerbated them, further complicating the issue. I don't know whether anyone could reassure me on this front, but I've literally no idea at what stage those things can cause problems, hopefully I'm just being anxious and ridiculous, but this whole experience has made me doubt myself and everything I put into myself over the course of that hell week. It was only a couple weeks after taking the prozac tablet I started notice just how badly insulated I felt from the world around me, whereas the sexual issues were almost instantaneous, so I can't say for sure what triggered what symptoms. The worst part is, I deserve no sympathy for what's happened to me; I always hated the idea of using psychiatric drugs, I'd heard bad stuff about them, and had actually used many aspects of TMO before in my life (weights, some of the herbs, wim hof breathing, paleo). I had the wisdom to skirt this entire debacle but I was weak, and part of me thinks I deserve this for ignoring my deepest instincts and looking for quick sures. It's a deep irony that after years of taking good physical care of myself and managing any mental problems on my own, I've been physically and mentally crippled by doctors of all people.
As it stands, my symptoms include but are not limited to: anhedonia/ emotional flatness, ED, genital numbness, watery ejaculate, weak to no libido, muscle twitches (mostly resolved), numbness in my hand which comes and goes, reduced skin sensitivity in my arms and chest, and digestive issues (by month two, my constipation was so awful I was pouring blood into the toilet, thankfully that's passed). It's a cliche, but the worst part of all of this is feeling dulled down, like there's a window between myself and the world. I used to be known by my friends, and still sort of am, as the passionate one, the 'animal', but since this shit I just feel like an utter husk with no internal drive, wants or passions, borderline catatonic. Throughout my life people told me I was a great communicator and had a deep intuition into things; I also felt things a lot more intensely than other people and that drove me to achieve tonnes; now I think I've chemically thwarted all my best gifts.
This forum is by light years the most positive place I've found for these sorts of issues, and I'm really grateful to have found a sliver of hope and a way of reframing the whole crisis, but I still can't help but have doubts- will this really work for PSSD, or is it a completely different fuck up with similar symptoms? Are my neurological issues due to PSSD or using benzos, albeit extremely briefly, and does that make the protocol void? Your mind can be your worst enemy, and I don't want to spread bad vibes. All I can say is I'd bite off my right hand to get better, and haven't had any problems applying the protocol fully thusfar- water fast, paleo, 14 herbs, lifting, breathing and showers. I hope you guys can offer some guidance along the way, and thanks for all the recovery posts. The only thing keeping me going atm is the idea that, if I can overcome this, I'll have a much deeper appreciation of the world, myself, and will have a whole new discipline on which to thrive; it's given me a reason to stick it out another couple years to look for improvements, and for that at least, I'm very grateful.
