Algernon's Recovery Journal

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking since May and wanted to introduce myself. I'm 24 and crashed in late February of this year from .25mg of finasteride (tried it for a week in July of 2021 and experienced ED + watery semen, which should've been enough to keep me away but, alas, here we are). After crashing, it took about a month of hell to convince me that some form of protocol was necessary to get my life back. I adopted Chi's method (excluding the 5k runs) and slowly transitioned into a paleo diet, lifting 3x per week, HIIT, and cold showers. I began a probiotic (Seed) in May, which helped restore my emotions, as it did for one PH poster (haven't been on the site since). The rest of my symptoms have slowly but surely been easing up.

In the beginning I had:
Severe Anhedonia
Emotional Blunting
Intense Brainfog
Slurred speech
No libido
Blurred vision
Anxiety
Insomnia
Testicle shrinkage
ED
Skin aging/dry skin
Extreme Fatigue
Rubbery dick/cold and numb genitals
Horrible digestion (my shit resembled a cloud of dust)
Muscle wastage and twitching + bone pain
Body & facial hair thinning
Watery semen
Head pressure
Every sort of memory and cognitive loss that comes with PFS type brainfog

My symptoms today, 6 months in:
Mild to Moderate Anhedonia
Some remaining head pressure/brainfog
Blurred vision
(^all three of these have improved every month^)
Low libido
Thinning body hair
Depression (feels like a given)
Occasional rubbery/numb/cold genitals
Low motivation & lack of creativity (least favorite symptoms atm)
Erection quality fluctuates between 50 and 100%

I'm still in the thick of it, but my life is very different from the beginning of this and has become livable again. A good chunk of my personality came back and I've been enjoying music, art, video games etc. more and more each month. The worst thing is this sort of hormonal apathy/dulling of the senses that a lot of people here have experienced, which makes me want to keep fighting until it's completely gone. I've yet to have a downswing that hasn't made me suicidal, but honestly I'll take weeping in my car over sitting in silence with my eyes glazed over, wishing I could feel something like in the early days.

I just started rotating herbs this week and plan to do a prohormone cycle early next year. The recovery stories here are amazing to read, and I'm seriously rooting for everyone who is currently digging their way out of this shit. If anyone needs a person to vent their frustrations to or whatever, my PMs are open. It's truly exhausting trying to explain this situation to friends and family who (thankfully) don't understand the sort of torment it entails.

Anyways, thank you CD for making this forum a reality and compiling your information on TMO, it's a fantastic resource, and thanks to guys who have recovered and still check in.
I plan on updating this thread every couple of months or so to keep track of my progress.

Best of luck boys

Did yiur balls come back in size?

How much muscle did you lose

Hey road, my left ball never returned to full size but my right is normal. I lost a bit of arm, forearm, and leg muscle but I've gained it all back and then some thanks to lifting and a protein heavy diet.

Thanks.

Can yiu get a pump at the gym?

, lucky your dick and balks regained sensitivity

And hiw do you feel after masturbation?

Hell yes my dude, sounds like you're well on your way. What is the probiotic you used exactly? It sounds interesting

Hey barbaar, appreciate the encouragement. The probiotic is called Seed (https://seed.com/daily-synbiotic)
I was also thinking of trying this one (https://www.silverfernbrand.com/prod...tic-supplement) because it's spore forming and has S. Boulardii which I think Damn recommended.

My dick sensitivity ranges between feeling normal and completely numb if I'm going through a downswing. I do consistently get a pump working out, though, which used to not happen.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by algernon

Hey barbaar, appreciate the encouragement. The probiotic is called Seed (https://seed.com/daily-synbiotic)
I was also thinking of trying this one (https://www.silverfernbrand.com/prod...tic-supplement) because it's spore forming and has S. Boulardii which I think Damn recommended.

---

Awesome, I'll check those out!

Congratulations, hope you continue to improve I literally have the exact same symptoms plus constipation. Did you suffer from constipation at all? Also, insomnia is my worst symptom right now. Did you do anything specific to help this symptom or did it recover naturally?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SMH

Congratulations, hope you continue to improve I literally have the exact same symptoms plus constipation. Did you suffer from constipation at all? Also, insomnia is my worst symptom right now. Did you do anything specific to help this symptom or did it recover naturally?

---

Thank you bro. I had terrible constipation the first 2-3 months and still get constipated during downswings. For insomnia I did breathing exercises and tried to keep my anxiety down because those symptoms seemed to be linked for me. Like I’d have a panic attack on and off throughout the night or my heart would be racing for no reason. I would wake up after 3 to 4 hours of sleep every night for 2 months straight. This thankfully eased up until my sleep became normal around month 3 of protocol. Overcoming insomnia happens at different points in people’s recovery though from what I’ve seen.

Update

October was one of the worst downswings but gifted me the best upswing yet. November was an excellent month, featuring two days of 85% recovery (listening to music felt normal, my urge to skateboard came back, as did my urge to socialize and generally just live life), sexual peaks (libido hit 80% too, if I'm trying to accurately quantify it) spread out over multiple days. Also, morning wood at a higher frequency and better quality, and a burst of visual and mental clarity which has stuck around pretty well (blurred vision and sensory awareness issues are such a strange part of this ailment). My brainfog feels like it improved with this last burst as well. I no longer feel completely braindead: I can have normal conversations without getting lost, and words and jokes come to me far better than before. It's been a slow journey to get out of feeling straight up cognitively disabled.

Bad news, I think I've entered a downswing today. My shit looks like rabbit pellets and I've keep having the intense feeling that I'll never get better and feel emotionally dead for the rest of my life. All the telltale signs. Also, just sexually dead compared to even three days ago. Hopefully it doesn't last long, but we'll see.

Other notes:

When on Ashwagandha the other day, I had a burst of creativity that was so near normal man... I wrote a poem immediately and kept working on it until I felt that slow flood of head pressure return alongside our favorite friends, emotional blunting and anhedonia.
I continue to feel the pump while working out and my muscles finally don't feel mushy anymore. Hard and normal 80-90% of the time. Shit's exciting.
My hair falls out at a normal rate now, dandruff has returned. Goods signs for DHT. My chest hair still can be pulled out with no effort but hopefully that'll show signs of resolving soon.

Think that's pretty much it. Thanks for reading guys, wish y'all the best.

I’ve had some developments…

After my last downswing (Xmas eve to January 4th), I entered into an amazing upswing. For every two bad, typical PFS days, I would have a couple days of actual horniness and 100% erections hands free. I felt much more alive and in the world on those days, and my blurred vision and blunted smell would basically disappear.

On January 15th, however, I woke up with an intense urge to self-harm. I took an old probiotic I had in my drawer from the early days of PFS which contained Ashwagandha and Fenugreek. I took it knowing that Fenugreek has crashed people and that Ashwagandha can cause PSSD like symptoms (the reason I stopped cycling it after two rounds of herb rotation). Within minutes of ingesting it I experienced an intense head pressure in my forehead and behind my ears. This head pressure has fluctuated since then, but it certainly hasn’t gone away entirely.

I basically gave myself PSSD on top of PFS.

The new symptoms I’ve experienced from the Ash/Fenu crash:
Complete genital numbing (like an anesthetic was applied to my dick)
Skin numbing (lips, cheeks, fingers, etc. and the same sensation^)
Head pressure accompanied by emotional blunting and brain fog
Blank mind (occasional)
Poor erection quality
Flaccid dick just feels awful, like an early crash sort of rubber
Sometimes is physically painful when I try to cry (hurts my head and jaw)

The only upside to this crash is that it somehow personalized me more. Like even on my good days of PFS, I wasn’t myself. But with this new mind state I’ve entered, I can finally recognize “me” in the mirror. The artistic aspect of my personality is back, or at least that perspective is the dominant one now, which is why I feel more like myself. I must’ve had zero serotonin going through my brain and only dopamine on the upswing surges. The adaptogenic herbs man… Not really feeling too trusting right now with Rhodiola. Gonna pause my herb cycling while my body adjusts; see where things land in a month.

Anyway, if the PSSD guys on here have any tips or advice I’d really appreciate it. See ya in the next one.

Edit: Also want to add that the upswing cycle I mentioned (two good days, two bad days) has continued with these PSSD symptoms. I experience decent relief from them on the good days. Who knows what this all means.

Feeling like paddy posting right now. My resolve has gone out the window. I’m still working out and doing cold showers but I don’t know how I’m gonna tackle a brain injury like this. My body is numb, my dick has reverted back to a worse version of its crash state. Worst part is mental, though, as always. I can’t believe the trauma that’s been inflicted on thousands of people for nothing but corporate greed. What a fucking nightmare.

Alas, we keep going.

Keep going pal you are doing infinitely better than me. All the best!

Man I appreciate it, genuinely made me tear up. Thank you

Hey man, I know it's really tough right now but I have read plenty of stories of people crashing themselves and getting back to where they were previously within a shorter period of time than it has taken them before! Don't beat yourself up about it! I mean that coffee guy in the recovery section actually took Finasteride AGAIN you didn't fuck up that bad man just think of it as a setback. I think everyone would be lying if they didn't at least have one setback on their journey!

Get back on that horse and keep riding man you got this! Remember having a good mentality about this is your strongest tool but also don't forget you will have days when you don't feel good, this is natural but what makes you different is that you keep going! Just picture the time when you're free from this you'll be one of the strongest people mentally and physically out there!

HMU. PSSD case. I’m confident the protocol will eventually bring me 100%+.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kurse

Hey man, I know it's really tough right now but I have read plenty of stories of people crashing themselves and getting back to where they were previously within a shorter period of time than it has taken them before! Don't beat yourself up about it! I mean that coffee guy in the recovery section actually took Finasteride AGAIN you didn't fuck up that bad man just think of it as a setback. I think everyone would be lying if they didn't at least have one setback on their journey!

Get back on that horse and keep riding man you got this! Remember having a good mentality about this is your strongest tool but also don't forget you will have days when you don't feel good, this is natural but what makes you different is that you keep going! Just picture the time when you're free from this you'll be one of the strongest people mentally and physically out there!

---

Thank you man. I seriously needed that perspective. And yeah lol it wouldn’t be PFS story without a setback. 💪💪💪

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by algernon

Thank you man. I seriously needed that perspective. And yeah lol it wouldn’t be PFS story without a setback. 💪💪💪

---

You're gonna be fine.

I'd be embarrassed to tell the forum how many times I fucked up and started over from ground zero.......I liked to party too much. It happens. In a perfect world it wouldn't and you'd be healed in a month. Don't stress and just keep going.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kurse

Hey man, I know it's really tough right now but I have read plenty of stories of people crashing themselves and getting back to where they were previously within a shorter period of time than it has taken them before! Don't beat yourself up about it! I mean that coffee guy in the recovery section actually took Finasteride AGAIN you didn't fuck up that bad man just think of it as a setback. I think everyone would be lying if they didn't at least have one setback on their journey!

Get back on that horse and keep riding man you got this! Remember having a good mentality about this is your strongest tool but also don't forget you will have days when you don't feel good, this is natural but what makes you different is that you keep going! Just picture the time when you're free from this you'll be one of the strongest people mentally and physically out there!

---

Can you get back I. The horse if you have massive muscle wastage penile shrinkage and backslashes facial fuckingbwastage