GoldenSun's Journey to 110% (Minoxidil induced PFS)
So here it is, the beginning of my Journey to freedom. I'll be honest, Propecia "help" convinced me that my life was over and that CD was some master mind health scammer. After talking to a few real people who have got better after being on your protocol my mind started to change.
I wont go over my entire story ( Most of its in my introduction post you can find in my post history) so I will summarize:
I was 19 years old (almost 20) and wanted to grow out my beard using 5% minoxidil. The chemical seemed to have very minor side effects if any, many guys had great success with it so I said "what the hell" and got a three month supply. I used it for only 5 days and around the third I noticed my libido was down (first time in my entire life) and the other side effects followed. I had no idea about PFS or anything so I assumed my sides were just caused by me working out too hard and they would get better in the coming days. I quit the medication out of caution, little did I know these side effects would last for over 5 months! After some research I learned what PFS was and that Minoxidil (in very rare cases) can cause PFS, so I thought I was F'ed for life. Later, I found out about the "CDNUTs" protocol after chatting with a guy in the YouTube comments who was having good results. I found TMO and put it in the back of my head that If time doesn't cure me, I'll try this. I got on TRT for a while with little success and I'm glad to say I'm off now. I told my self if I'm not cured in 6 months, it's all in on the protocol. So here is where I start:
I just finished my 1 week Juice feast. During the feast my body felt physically ill and I felt severely depressed. After suffering with PFS I feel "Numb" and like a robot most days, but during the fast I felt deeply depressed. I think this was my body getting rid of toxins though because the next few days of refeeding I started to feel back to baseline and my erections got a bit better! So after just one week of the feast my erection quality improved about 10-20%! My other symptoms are there but I have already noticed some improvement and that makes me very hopeful!
The week before the feast I bought it all: Ultra Hard, EVERY SINGLE ONE of the herbs on TMO, Bathmate, Skin brush etc. I numbered each herb and marked my calendar to know the rotation. I knew this would be more worth it than spending 1000's of dollars on doctors that would just tell me I'm depressed or OCD and try to give me benzos and SSRIS, no thank you. So the hit to my pocket was worth it.
One positive that I've experienced just by time alone is that my severe constant fatigue and anxiety that I experienced passed away in the first month after stopping. Brain fog and anxiety comes in waves every once and a while but it's manageable. Also I thought it would be worth noting I never went through a "crash", my symptoms all come on gradually in those 5 days and stuck (a few went away but sexually I've been the exact same)
Now, here are my symptoms:
Symptoms (in order from most severe to moderate):
1. Weak erections, I get about 60% hard but not enough to have sex most of the time (when I do no fap they get stronger but after one nut its back to square one) also the head doesn't fill sometimes
2. Low to no Libido (little change if at all since I got off minox)
3. Severe Anhedonia, I wouldn't call it depression because I cant feel true sadness. I just feel like nothing matters and I'm a robot
4. Generally strange penis issues: Flaccid penile shrinkage (lost about an 1-2 inches depending on the time of the day), skinnier penis, grey penis, slight pain in head of penis, dry skin on penis, penis moves differently when I move around naked, penis gets larger when I poop and larger when I sit, it shrinks when I stand and moves like dead meat
5. I either have premature ejaculation or it's extremely hard to ejaculate, never normal
6. Really numb penis, more numb than my arm
7. Muted orgasm and inconsistent sperm color
8. Muscle softening (have not loss strength though)
9. Inability to feel alcohol (I drank about 15 shots in 3 hours and all I felt was dizzy and slower in thought. I didn't have that "buzz", "drunk/high" feeling. I used to feel borderline euphoric when I drank.
10. Dry hands and loss of hair on feet
11. "Weak" feeling hands (comes and goes, not that major)
12. More "shaky" overall
13. I just simply feel unwell, like I am slightly sick all the time
14. More hair on my head (ironically reversed my balding quite a bit and I didn't even use it on my head)
15. Way thicker beard (probably something to do with DHT)
16. Literally 0 social anxiety now (not a negative but I don't feel like my real self and because of this I could talk to a 10/10 girl and not even feel an ounce of anxiety)
17. Tingly nuts (this has went away now but it comes and goes)
18. Numb ball sack (never heard anyone else talk about this)
19. Testicular atrophy (changes all throughout the day)
Ones that I have mostly recovered from over time (thank God)
1. Sever constant fatigue (only happens sometimes now)
2. Depersonalization and derealization (still have short bouts)
3. Constant anxiety (still have certain days)
There may have been a few more that I forgot but they probably aren't that major.
So here I am, I got a drawer full of prohormones and herbs and I'm ready to use them. I pray soon you will see me on that recovery sticky! I'm physically, spiritually and mentally ready to defeat this beast once and for all. Wish me luck and God bless you all!
Also, I would also to say how eternally thankful I am for this website and for all the great work CD has done. Propecia "help" is a death cult and if that was the only forum to "help" men suffering from this, I don't think I could have made it.
GoldenSun's Journey to 110% (Minoxidil induced PFS)
Small update on my situation
So I'm finishing up week one of the protocol and here is my current situation: My erections are a bit stronger, my morning word is more frequent, my hair falls out when I rub it (not like I'm balding but like how it always did before, for the last 5 months before the protocol I could yank my hair and nothing would come out), I am getting a lot of pimples on my face (like how I used to), my armpits finally smell like they should (before the protocol my armpits smelled like catpiss and now they smell like how they always did). These are positives I did not think I would see so fast. I am nowhere near cured but these are the first improvements I've noticed in months! Thank God for this protocol and forum, it really seems to be working. I pray we all here see a quick recovery! I will come with more updates or questions when they come to me. Stay strong everyone, we will beat this!
Need help on what I should do, also I would love some guidance
For whatever reason right after the fast I was feeling a bit better, erections were better and some body functions felt more normal. I would have said I was about 5% recovered in just a week. Now I have been sitting back at my starting point. The one odd side effect that is now 100% cured is having no body odor, now I smell like an average adult male when I get out of the gym so that is good! But everywhere else I just feel the same as a did before I started. I was reaching out to see if anyone has experienced something similar in the begging, I'm just feeling a bit depressed because I was thinking my case would be linear.
Also, for guys on here who have suffered with a shrunken flaccid penis. I've said this before but my penis gets larger when I sit and smaller when I stand, also when I sit on the toilet my flaccid penis gets larger than it used to be before PFS. My question is, should I start doing pelvic floor pain exercises? My main concern is that this isn't part of the program so I'm not sure if its a waste of time. I'm wondering, for guys who have tried: Did it get better with the protocol alone or did you have to do specific pelvic floor exercises?
Almost two months in, noticing good improvements!
So after almost two months on protocol I can say things are improving, slowly but surely. Over the last week my libido will flicker on sometimes, not as intense as it used to but it is there. Every few hours I get actual sexual urges, like any healthy young man should. These aren't as intense as they used to be but after almost 7 months of zero libido this feels almost alien to me, and it is amazing. Also I can now maintain erections decently. They fall sometimes and are kinda flakey but I could have sex if I wanted, so I am not completely imponent. I just wanted everyone on this forum to know I am praying for you, I know we can beat this together. With these small improvements I am no longer in a pit of despair but a mindset of recovery, God bless you all especially CD for putting this info out there. I will come with more updates when I have more improvements or another dreaded downturn.
Also, my concussion is about 70% recovered now thankfully
Starting my first UH cycle!
Hello everyone, I hope all of you are doing well. Just jumping in here to say I started my UH cycle. I did two pumps on my chest this morning and I'm excited to see the progress I make on it. I am in a "down swing" right now with my libido gains sadly gone at the moment but I am not too worried. I was also wondering if anyone has some tips on UH and what to expect. I'll make sure to come back with more updates when I'm feeling better. God bless.
I am spiraling into despair and need advice on how to deal with it
I have been in a downswing for a few weeks now, by far my worst one, by far. I started UH about a week ago and haven't felt much yet. The reason this is causing me to despair is because in my head I had it that my first UH cycle would be a huge milestone in improvement, not so much sadly. Recovery just feels impossible. I am currently dating the most beautiful, kind and loving woman I could ever ask for. She is literally perfect. I met her after my PFS situation though and I am just in so much despair. I just wish my sexual performance could be top notch all the time like it used to be, I wish I could feel truly horny and I wish I could feel child like love instead of anhedonia. I love her and I feel it deeply but it's behind this deep dark shadow of anhedonia and PFS. I just want to be better. I know I just need to keep fighting but this is getting hard. I just pray I will be on that recovery sticky. I am asking for anyone here if they have gotten out of pits like this. God bless
Venting.. and some advice would be appreciated
I just can't wait until I have a concrete improvement, one that even if it goes away and comes back I can know for certain that it is from this protocol. Last month I had legitimate sexual urges a few times per day for about a week or two. These urges would even stick after jerking off! I didn't feel close to cured or anything but I did have a concrete thing to latch on to and say "this feels better" and you guys have no idea how much of a great feeling that was. In that state I was able to put PFS in the back of my mind as a thing that I will be done with eventually and I just went on with my life without despair. Like the roller coaster recovery is, this improvement vanished.
I was not too worried though, I expected improvements to come and go. What is really causing me to despair again is not that they went away, it was something I remembered. I remember back in may (before I started the protocol) I had a few sexual urges for about a week, they were not as strong as the ones I experienced last moth but they were there. This has had me worried that these urges I experienced recently were not caused by the protocol but they are just my natural "once in a blue moon" sexual urges if you know what I mean. I just wish I could know that they were caused by the protocol and not just my body feeling okay every once and a while. For example, lets say this week said sexual urges came back. That would be proof of the protocol working in my mind because that is a concrete sequence I have not experienced, back to back sexual urges in a short period.
The thing that is hellish and haunting about this condition is not the symptoms. If my dick shrunk, my libido vanished and my brain got consumed by severe depression, but I knew it would only be a year of torment I would just push through. This condition is so horrible because of the life sentence associated with it, the life sentence the entire internet except this forum believes in. This condition is believed to be a personal hell, one that parallels the Muslim/Christian view of hell perfectly. An enteral torment with no hope of ending. This forum is the only place to preach the contrary and It makes me hopeful but sadly still skeptical.
The last thing I am wondering is if I should tell my girlfriend what I am going through. It would just feel amazing to know there is one person I love that I can talk to about this every once and a while. My fear is if I tell her it will be taken the wrong way. My dick is broken but can be used every once and a while, I can fake it until I make it but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm living a lie. I just want to live my damn life. I just want to be happy again.
I know this is a bit of a depressive rant but it made me feel better to say all of this, thank you to anyone who read this or has any advice on my situation. I'm going to force myself off of this site until I notice improvement. I will ONLY post back when I feel a bit better because f5 spamming this forum wont cure me. I wish you all the best of luck, keep fighting.
TLDR: Not sure if improvements are because of the protocol or just because my body will feel better temporarily every once and a while (even if I was not on protocol). Venting about the life-long nature believed about this condition, and lastly venting on how I have kept my condition a secret from my girlfriend and how this makes my life feel like a lie.
Riding the recovery roller coaster
I was in no way expected to be back on this forum this quickly but here we go lol. My lord, this recovery the biggest emotional roller coaster I could imagine.
Last night I was on here despair posting and what do you know, the very next day I notice improvements. I can officially say I am feeling the UH after about 2ish weeks (I forget the exact amount of time). My depression/lack of emotions lifted a bit today. I don't know how to explain it. I feel like I was present, really in the moment today. I could feel the sun and the breeze on my skin, I felt witty and quick to think and music was a bit more enjoyable. I just feel more like myself, not all the way but I almost feel this nostalgic feeling of "Oh, this is what life feels like!". It's a feeling I cant really but into words, I just felt more like my self, more present.
I expect this feeling to fade but its great to know I am having some relief from my downswing. The way I felt today took me back to March 11th, the day before I used minoxidil. I don't feel cured or all the way better but I do just feel like I am alive again, even if just slightly. It's like my brain got dopamine for the first time in 7 months, great feeling. I just need to stop despairing even when this feeling leaves. I wish you all the best of luck on recovery, I will be back once again when I notice improvement, God bless.