Originally Posted by
Ratchet_V2
Hey guys,
OG Ratchet here. PFS brain made me forget my login information lol.
Update: I’ve fallen off hard. Im not doing well. Work and breakups have sunk me into a deep depression. Even if I didn’t have PFS, I’d probably still be depressed. Visited PH too, convinced myself fin flipped my sexual orientation & turned me gay. I guess I’m just going to have to learn everything the hard way. Since January, I’ve boozed more than a few times, consumed an entire juul pod a day, and had some questionable dietary choices. What’s funny is I still haven’t had gluten, although I’m sure the amount of ice cream, sugar, and other shit I’ve eaten is just as bad. Still working out. Still jacked AF. Still eating really healthy, just too much & with some questionable additions. Still rotating herbs. Cold showers. Sleeping decent. Hanging outside. I did complete a 7 day water fast.
I’m not sure where I’m at recovery wise at this point, but I know damn sure I’d be fucking close to finished if I didn’t fall of the horse, shoot the fuckin horse, dig a grave for it & jump in. Everyone around me is telling me I’m doing so much better, I’m a lot more like my old self, etc. etc. and I’m stuck in this DP/DR’d glass box, playing with my little peen like a nervous kid, feeling like a shell of a human being most of the time.
I guess I’m here to mark a new chapter in my journey and hopefully gain a little traction in my next steps. Depression is a motherfucker in that it completely drains you of all motivation and ambition, even when it comes to avoiding PFS. I’m not staying – I still think avoiding this place & others is key to beating this, but I figured I’d give another (hopefully last, until recovered) update. I’m sitting on 4 bottles of UH – I’m considering giving them a run this summer. It could be what’s needed. It could also be what cements in my anhedonia for life (all you UH’ers always come back and say you have no feelings anymore). I’m also worried about low E, since mine has tested below range every time, except for the last, I’ve had bloods done. None of this matters until I change my environment & sort myself out first though.
Anyways – do as I say, not as I do. You know the drill, the way out is through. Don’t cheat, don’t give up, not even once. You guys got this.
Much love
Ratchet
Edit: Visiting PH did come with one benefit though – stumbling across and going through all of Bizbee’s posts. I can’t tell if he’s a genius or an idiot, but he’s funny as shit.