Alchemical Recovery out of hell of PSSD after taking similar 5ar pharma drug

Week 3

This week returned to the gym after been away from it for 3 weeks. Have to say it's been a joy to return eating after the fast. Everything is delicious and appreciate it all now and so easy to stay away from takeaways, sugars and foods which I'm intolerant to.

The downside is that I lost quite a bit of weight, coming from someone who is already very lean and slim it isn't a good look. But it has taught me to look beyond my physical appearance, forget about looking my best or being buff for the time being. The real work is about setting the foundations to get better and reach optimal health. So I get over myself.

This for me is a journey towards a new life and before that happens the old one needs tearing down . So I left my ego at the door as soon as I stepped back in the gym, stopped comparing myself to others and just focused on getting back into the swings of heavy workouts which is good.. The competitive streak is still there and had to stop myself from going overboard in the workouts as I can easily get carried away with a bit of metal, anger and test building herbs flowing through the veins

The other benefit is I am now ultra lean, hardly any fat on my body after the fast. And I am making sure everything I put in my body is the best of the best, nothing less and I'm feeling fucking fantastic. I can actually focus and read without having to look at the page 3 times to absorb what I just saw lol

And after the torture of the water fast, dealing with all the mental thoughts with no food numb me tothe confrontation me with the subconscious stuff(the worst I ever felt for a long time), I now feel more confident to take on life by the horns instead of being crippled by anxiety and doubt. I really don't give a damn anymore about what other people think, or second guessing myself, I am just getting back into the habit of just fucking being and doing.

The cold showers are helping to build up my mentality there is no doubt about it. There is no hesitation now to step in that cold shower in winter here, I just psyche myself up, tell myself I am willing to walk through hell fire to get better so I'll walk through this cold to get to where I need to be and I love it. No easing in just getting n there and bring me the worst of what you got

So all positive mentally, no tiredness during the day and no brain fog. Libido felt flashes here and there but nothing yet too spectacular to report on yet, since it's early days.

But everyday getting stronger, purer and smarter and I'm loving the challenge, loving the adversity, loving the solitude and loving the darkness.

Fell off the wagon big time for at least a year a lot of crappy things happened in terms of relationships, finances and very sad things which I can't go into. Along the way, lost all form of discipline and hope to be honest. Still to this day I struggle with PSTD and get flashbacks to crashing and it results in self sabotage because of how angry I get with the entire situation and channel the energy negatively

The pstd triggers addiction tendencies which leads me binge on food, sex, and other crap that is no good for my body. Compounded by the feeling of nothingness, it was easy for me to fall back and lose focus

Then I hit a brick wall and it got so bad, terrible skin outbreaks, couldn't think, barely speak and barely function, Later September I had to get back on board fully

Decided to do a 3 day water fast back then and slowly been crawling back to a healthier lifestyle to the point now I'm 100% sticking to the protocol and my mood more than anything is a lot more stable than it was last year

Things that have improved

Brain fog is going away
Energy levels improved
Skin is glowing
Concentration improved

Persistent problems

Head pressure is still there
Numb genitals still a big problem
Anhedonia/emotional numbness/blunting
Lack of motivation
Low libido


I've been strict on the protocol for 2 months now and I water fast every Sunday. I've cut out every single thing which I know triggers reactions. Bought a home gym to make sure I work out when ever I want without having to procrastinat, put it off travelling to the gym.


Right now the current herbs I'm rotating

Tongkat
Butea Superba
Horny Goat
Tribulus
Shischandra
Pine pollen Extract
Eleuthero
Muira Puama
Cistanche

Supps
Adrenal support(multivitamin)
Vitamin D
Creatine
L-Citrulline - On training Days only
L arginine - On training Days only
Probiotic
Iodine
uridine
L- Theanine
Glycine
MSM
Spiriluna

Ran out of Ants which is one of my favorites, but it's very hard to source where I'm from. The last time I ordered it was from aggressive herbs and they took a lifetime to deliver and didn't even apologize for the delay, so hesitant to order from there again

Was taking a nootropic coffee, which was really nice and smooth taste with all the brain boosting herbs rolled into one, but trying to alkalize my body and coffee is quite acidic so swapped for Yerba

Since my body is now more responsive, the yerba mata is giving me enough of the mental boost that I don't feel like I need to drink several cups of coffee to keep me awake and focused

Saves me money because the nootropic coofee was like nearly $35 compared to organic yerba that is $7 for 500mg

My voice is getting stronger again, slowly but surely, and feeling very positive. Life feels very brighter and I can actually feel different even though I'm still fucked lol

But for the first time I feel like I'm on the right track and got out of the negative thinking that this is irreversible and that my case is a special case different to the rest. I have a hard time convincing myself that recovery is possible, but right now whether it is or not, there is only one way to go and that's going all out to make it possible

When I feel like crap now I just jump in the shower, or do alternate nostril breathing and feel so more clear minded that I can think straight and more rationally

But everyday I look forward to improving and rebuilding my body back up from rock bottom.

Finished a another one day fast yesterday. Almost threw up in the middle of the night from nausea.

Woke up with morning wood, replenished myself with some fresh juice with beets, carrots and celery and probiotic.

Feeling quite bright and sharp mentally and think the cold showers are helping together with the breathing. Noticing my body is feeling warmer and slightly looking forward to more things day to day. Focus has definitely improved after 2 months commitment to protocol as I can sit in one place and read information without brain flying all over the place.

One more month of cycling to bring to 3 months, then running a Andro hard cycle mid to late December for the first time which again very excited about. Bs Body is already ripped to shreds doing paleo styled diet, god knows how cut i get on the Andro. Veins are already visible on my arms since I have low bf and one reason why I can't fast for too long on just water since I have very little fat reserves to carry me through the fast.

Just ordered some nootropic coffee as I changed my mind, about it. it has such a great taste and is loaded with, Royal Jelly Powder, Coenzyme Q10, Omega 3, Grape Seed Extract, Chaga Extract, Maitake Extract, Bacopa Monnieri, Alpha GPC, Lemon Balm Extract, Blueberry Extract, N-Acetyl L Tyrosine, Ashwagandha

If I was to buy all those separately it would be cost a bomb

Just a little update

Been a month of ups and downs, since I don't do well in winter at all but been sticking with diet and regime 90% of the time

Energy levels have improved since I've now started to add organ meats which has already increased aggression and some libido after only a week. My body heat is a lot better, as before I use to feel cold all the time

Struggling with motivation to get things done, but I feel a lot more present in my body these days which is a positive and voice is a lot deeper and stronger

Focus and attention and processing information is a lot better, but speaking I still feel somewhat brain damaged which is scary as I can only speak fluently without giving up on completing sentences when drinking coffee but I haven't been consistent taking nootropics. I feel head pressure like there is a cement brick in my head all the time and don't feel connected to reality, i think it's the anhedonia because most of the time I'm fairly apathetic though I can react to situations.

Just waiting for androhard to come which should arrive this week, then starting a cycle and hope that brings me closer to homeostasis

What kind of organ meats do you eat? Raw le cooked? I also struggle with bodytemperature issues, would love to hear your advice! Thank you man, keep going!

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Originally Posted by freefl0w

What kind of organ meats do you eat? Raw le cooked? I also struggle with bodytemperature issues, would love to hear your advice! Thank you man, keep going!

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Well it's only last week I started adding ox/beef and chicken liver, and ox heart along with raw milk kefir and started to notice feel more surge of warmth/heat in my body and definitely made erections stronger and orgasms more potent.

I'm not getting cold any more at all and really use to get cold very easily even indoors even when it wasn't that cold.

Also I was taking l-cirtuline and arginine before to try and get more pump and they were not having much of an effect so stopped taking them a while back

What's great is that the organ meats I get from the butchers are so cheap they cost just over a dollar lol and they pack more micronutrients than any superfood supplement I've taken in the past.

Beef Liver: The Ultimate Superfood | Well Built Style

As for eating it raw, no I don't eat it raw, I cook it slightly slow cooked to have it rare as possible so not to destroy the nutrients.

Maybe in the future I will try the liver raw or cut them up and put them into capsules since I am not use to eating raw flesh, I need a little spice and taste to my meat

Thank you for your answer, i also incorporqted beef liver for 2weeks (a little once a week) and will keep doing it, not so noticable results yet like yours. But never giving up, we keep going.

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Originally Posted by freefl0w

Thank you for your answer, i also incorporqted beef liver for 2weeks (a little once a week) and will keep doing it, not so noticable results yet like yours. But never giving up, we keep going.

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Well I been eating liver every few days so three times a week so far, along with the raw milk and steaks, maybe you might want to increase it to more than once per week without the potential risk of overdose

I think with myself I may be deficient in iron or some other vitamin which is now being supplied to my body because I feel like I'm getting stronger by the day and energy levels are stabilizing

Today I have been up since 3am, haven't drank coffee and it's nearly evening and still got energy to work out and I just finished having sex to test out my equipment and honestly it was like I was on cialis or viagra, completely rock hard and my penis was fully pumped , as if it grew even bigger like more blood flow seems to be getting through probably due to the nitric oxide from the increased meat consumption

Now I don't have any problems getting it up and maintaining throughout sex, but this was pornstar quality erection and was still rock hard after first round and this this girl I'm seeing was shocked with the load that went all over her face

Was even getting slight random boners throughout the day before and that hasn't happened in ages

Yea i will experiment with it. How is your diet? Are you carbbackloading, if so, how many times per week. The next day of the backloading evening i usually have deeper voice. And i backload 2 times per week, rest of the meals is meat veggies and sometimes nuts or green beans.

Has the hairloss come back since you are feeling better?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by freefl0w

Yea i will experiment with it. How is your diet? Are you carbbackloading, if so, how many times per week. The next day of the backloading evening i usually have deeper voice. And i backload 2 times per week, rest of the meals is meat veggies and sometimes nuts or green beans.

Has the hairloss come back since you are feeling better?

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Yes I carb backload after workouts.

I workout at home and sometimes go to the gym, so it varies how often I work out depending how I feel if I got the energy.

Most weeks I've been working out 3 times a week and try and do HIT at least twice a week and have a long rest.

Today when I got home I worked out and will probably tomorrow do a big workout because I have more energy and feeling very strong

My diet is more keto now and reduced the amount of vegetables and fruits I was consuming which was effecting my digestion badly.

I've now gone back to the basics so eliminated all nuts and grains even gluten free ones which I was consuming before as I noticed my gut was still getting irritated. Now I have only really small portions of cruciferious vegetables and non starchy veggies to go with my main meals to get some fibre. The only fruit I take now is banana and low glycemic fruit like some berries only after workouts when carb back loading.

Other than than that it's cottage cheese, fish, lean grass fed meats, bone broth, organ meats, raw milk, raw and cooked eggs, cheese, avocados( any good fats that I can find) which has really taken things up a notch

I don't have any hair loss, I took big pharma drug for mental health which screwed things up