Malibu's Recovery Log

Hey everyone,

Been lurking here for a while but wanted to start a recovery thread. Tried to post one the other day but it didn't go through I guess.
Reading people's contributions here has been a huge help but some direct interaction wouldn't hurt either so here I am.

Some of you may have seen my introduction post back in summer 2021. To recap, took both accutane and finasteride, at 1 point was taking both at the same time. Pretty insane, in hindsight. Took Fin for 2 years and accutane for a 6 or 7 month course. I slowly got cognitively foggier over time, without putting it together. Now I'm left with all the classic PFS symptoms such as severe brain fog, anhedonia, derealization + low libido, cold and rubbery genitals. And most notably a very numb penis that never fills up correctly at the head. My erections are decent though, especially when taking herbs.

I didn't suddenly crash cognitively like lots of PFS guys. But sexually I did. Back in december 2020 I started experiencing 0 libido after a night of heavy drinking and weed. Then a week after that, I tried to have sex with viagra and my penis was completley numb. Then the next morning I had very strange penile symptoms, (glans numbness, pelvic floor spasms when ejaculating, & balanitis). Freaked out and quit the finasteride, had already been off of accutane for about a year at that point. At this time I recall feeling anhedonia and brain fog getting worse too.

My penis symptoms have gotten better over time but now improvement has stalled, and I'm still far away from normal. I have no idea what happened that night to my dick, if it's even from fin/accutane or if it's from pelvic floor dysfunction or trauma or something. My dick does match descriptions of "hard flaccid syndrome", which occurs to non propecia users as well. It's all very confusing. So i'm curious to hear if others on this forum have had similar symptoms and recovered.

On the other hand, my mental symptoms and low libido, I definetly attribute to the pharmaceuticals, so that's why I've hopped on this protocol.

Back in summer 2021 I was kind of half-assing the protocol and was dealing with some depression and a tough living situation so I wasn't giving it my all.

But since December, I restarted with a sucessful juice feast and have been sticking to it.

Been taking herbs, dieting, exercising, cold showers, all that good stuff. Just need to get a bathmate. And want to do my first prohormone cycle in a few months.

I take a few extra supplements such as MSM, Biotin, Glucosamine, Bile Acid Factors, Calcium D-Glucarate, and TUDCA, on top of the protocol supplements, thought I should make a note of that. Mostly to support accutane recovery, I take low doses and don't plan to take them forever.

I guess my biggest concerns are the fact I also took accutane, and the strange way my penis symptoms began. But I have faith I'll make a good recovery.

Thanks for reading.

You came to the right place buddy.

This program definitely works, don't worry about the details. I got hit heavy from a single pill. Mental, physical and ear problems. With every sexual. Took a stepback recently from a supplement (don't add anything), but I had made superb progress in 7 months. Read my log and my cycle log if you wanna see

Just gotta stay consistent and supress your anxiety (10months later I still somewhat suck at it).

You got this, holla if you have questions. The board is pretty quiet recently but we are all trucking.

Thanks for the reply man.

I've actually read quite a bit of your log, it's been an awesome resource. It's funny, I've actually gotten to know all the various folks in this forum and their stories pretty well as I've lurked for months. Definetly think it's time to emerge from the shadows now, should have done it sooner but for whatever reason I wasn't really the type to post in online communities before this. Also discussing this stuff can put one in a pretty bad mood.

Great point about the anxiety, when I think about it, that really does seems like one of, if not the main obstacle of people in our situation.

I'll be sure to post any questions I have and I hope your recovery keeps coming along nicely.

While you're right, discussing certain aspects of this condition can be depressing, we have to talk about it in positive ways. Think progress, not backslides. Think abundance, which you'll eventually have. Think of this place as a place of friends bettering their lives.

That is, in fact, what you are all doing.

Just keep grinding.

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Originally Posted by Cdsnuts

While you're right, discussing certain aspects of this condition can be depressing, we have to talk about it in positive ways. Think progress, not backslides. Think abundance, which you'll eventually have. Think of this place as a place of friends bettering their lives.

That is, in fact, what you are all doing.

Just keep grinding.

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Thanks Cdnuts. Your words resonate. The eventual realization that with PFS, viewing things positively is the only way to go, is what got me off propeciahelp and over to this forum. But your message was a needed and appreciated reminder.

Update:

Transitioned from body weight exercises to weight training. Feels great to be lifting again.

Been consistent with the paleo diet but recently had a small cheat meal, and like clockwork the next day I felt a level of brain fog I hadn’t felt in a while. It made me realize I’ve improved since my crash, where I felt that fog all the time. I already forgot how insanely fucked up I was. It’s remarkable how little we notice our state of consciousness changing over time. Because by the time it changes, well, we’ve embodied that change and it just feels “normal”.

Anyway, this cheat meal induced brain fog reminded me this ain’t the time for eating chocolate fudge. Lesson learned.

I’ve also decided to stop doing exercises for “hard flaccid syndrome”. (I got the routine from Reddit)

This is because
1) I read some recoveries here where people mentioned before recovery they had my worst symptoms, extremely numb and rubbery flaccid dick. So I think the protocol should take care of it.
2) I believe the time and energy can be used better elsewhere. More time for meditation, breath work, cooking, etc.

All in all, I’m already getting better. I have some pretty good days where I get temporary mental flashes of my old healthy self. It’s hard to articulate. But it’s a long road ahead still, and I don’t feel all that great a lot of the time. Low creativity, mental clarity, zest for life. All normal stuff though for where I’m at.

Keep being awesome guys.

Malibu

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Originally Posted by Malibu

Update:

Transitioned from body weight exercises to weight training. Feels great to be lifting again.

Been consistent with the paleo diet but recently had a small cheat meal, and like clockwork the next day I felt a level of brain fog I hadn’t felt in a while. It made me realize I’ve improved since my crash, where I felt that fog all the time. I already forgot how insanely fucked up I was. It’s remarkable how little we notice our state of consciousness changing over time. Because by the time it changes, well, we’ve embodied that change and it just feels “normal”.

Anyway, this cheat meal induced brain fog reminded me this ain’t the time for eating chocolate fudge. Lesson learned.

I’ve also decided to stop doing exercises for “hard flaccid syndrome”. (I got the routine from Reddit)

This is because
1) I read some recoveries here where people mentioned before recovery they had my worst symptoms, extremely numb and rubbery flaccid dick. So I think the protocol should take care of it.
2) I believe the time and energy can be used better elsewhere. More time for meditation, breath work, cooking, etc.

All in all, I’m already getting better. I have some pretty good days where I get temporary mental flashes of my old healthy self. It’s hard to articulate. But it’s a long road ahead still, and I don’t feel all that great a lot of the time. Low creativity, mental clarity, zest for life. All normal stuff though for where I’m at.

Keep being awesome guys.

Malibu

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Yes....stick to what is outlined. You're on the right path.

Update #2:

Been doing the protocol fully around 3 months now. Nothing that special to report but wanted to say that mentally I’m feeling much better already. I still have brain fog and anhedonia but I don’t think about it as often. It’s very manageable, especially compared to what it used to be. (Which I can only describe as feeling like you’re literally not alive). Yep that bad.

In addition to the cognitive improvements, I’ve already had some subtle upswings in libido, so that’s promising.

The only thing that won’t budge is my symptoms regarding my penis. Hate to be the guy always talking about his dick but it really is the only thing truly tormenting me right now. Totally shrivelled, cold, and rubbery. And my current #1 WORST PFS symptom: Glans doesn't fill up at all during erections, and is extremely numb, dry and soft.

It’s frustrating because there are now many days I’m actually quite in the mood for sex mentally, but my guy downstairs isn’t on the same page. I doubt I’d be able to orgasm with a woman at this point due to my lack of any sensation whatsoever.

Of course, at the end of the day there’s no way out but through this protocol. Just wanted to vent.

Take care everyone.

I'm oftentimes in a similar boat as you, where my libido is there (not typically 100%, but having experienced zero libido, I can say it's at least there), but erection function isnt. Seems we are a bit unusual, as I tend to find guys who say their erection function comes back long before their libido ever shows any signs of return. Well...it is what it is, I guess.

Quick diet related question:

What’s the consensus on potatoes? I ask since there seems to be some debate online as to whether they have a place in the paleo diet.

I indulge when backloading but have had them a few times on non backloading days as well. Hope that hasn’t set me back.

Potatoes are an exception to the strict paleo format allowed by TMO ..totally great for backloading.

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Originally Posted by lastnoirking87

Potatoes are an exception to the strict paleo format allowed by TMO ..totally great for backloading.

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Thanks for answering mate but I was actually wondering if potatoes are okay to eat when not backloading, sorry if I didn’t make that clear enough in my previous post

To my knowledge the potatoes should be left for the backloading windows unless your on prohormones.

Alright cool thanks for answering.

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Originally Posted by AltRoute

To my knowledge the potatoes should be left for the backloading windows unless your on prohormones.

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Why and who said this?> Does this mean one shouldn't eat potatoes during hormones?

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Originally Posted by Thetfordboy

Why and who said this?> Does this mean one shouldn't eat potatoes during hormones?

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Not sure why or who said it but it makes sense i guess. Potatoes are carb heavy and low in other macros and thus seem to fit more with the foods used for backloading, being able to eat them whenever desired almost seems too good to be true haha.

As for prohormone cycles, I think it’s the opposite. People here eat carbs all throughout the day on cycle, judging by past posts. Staying gluten free though of course.

cheers I pmd you bro.

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Originally Posted by Thetfordboy

Why and who said this?> Does this mean one shouldn't eat potatoes during hormones?

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By the amount of time I see your name pop up in every thread I thought you’d have the answer? Re read what I said . When your on the hormones you eat non gluten carbs throughout the day. source: CD

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Originally Posted by AltRoute

By the amount of time I see your name pop up in every thread I thought you’d have the answer? Re read what I said . When your on the hormones you eat non gluten carbs throughout the day. source: CD

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Well sorry for asking. I'm trying to learn everything and observe it. It wasn't a personal dig at you.

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Originally Posted by Thetfordboy

Well sorry for asking. I'm trying to learn everything and observe it. It wasn't a personal dig at you.

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You’re good man I shouldn’t of replied the way I did , my apologies. Going through a downswing and have been a bit moody. I’m not an expert by any means but if you need anything PM me! Doors always open

Thanks bro,yea im in the early days of this and just want to learn as much as can so ask alot of questions. I don't mean any harm or to offend anyone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Thetfordboy

Thanks bro,yea im in the early days of this and just want to learn as much as can so ask alot of questions. I don't mean any harm or to offend anyone.

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Best thing you can do is read TMO, several times if necessary, and go back through this forum and read recovery logs for inspiration. And if you're not on the FB group, jump on that as well. Getting very good feed back: https://www.facebook.com/Totalmaleoptimization

Update #3:

Thought I’d update, it’s been a while.

This summer has been good to me. I’ve been feeling energetic and strong for the first time in what feels like forever. Finally getting some sun in my normally rainy ass city has been a game changer.

Mentally I’m not quite “back” completely but the difference between now and last year is massive. I feel more present, motivated, creative, and emotional.

On the sexual side of things, my libido is all over the place. Some days all I want to do is fuck, some days I couldn’t care less. My penile numbness has maybe slightly improved but it’s still very numb. If the numbness wasn’t there sex would be pretty normal, as my ED isn’t too bad.

All in all, I’m happy with my current situation. I know I just have to continue doing the protocol as I am.

I’m starting my first ultra hard cycle tommorow, hopefully that speeds my healing up even more. Maybe I’ll update again after my cycle.

Cheers

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Malibu

Update #3:

Thought I’d update, it’s been a while.

This summer has been good to me. I’ve been feeling energetic and strong for the first time in what feels like forever. Finally getting some sun in my normally rainy ass city has been a game changer.

Mentally I’m not quite “back” completely but the difference between now and last year is massive. I feel more present, motivated, creative, and emotional.

On the sexual side of things, my libido is all over the place. Some days all I want to do is fuck, some days I couldn’t care less. My penile numbness has maybe slightly improved but it’s still very numb. If the numbness wasn’t there sex would be pretty normal, as my ED isn’t too bad.

All in all, I’m happy with my current situation. I know I just have to continue doing the protocol as I am.

I’m starting my first ultra hard cycle tommorow, hopefully that speeds my healing up even more. Maybe I’ll update again after my cycle.

Cheers

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It most certainly will......

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Originally Posted by Cdsnuts

It most certainly will......

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I could feel it! Just finished my first cycle (4 weeks, 4 pumps a day) and had a great experience overall. The first 2 weeks were amazing, tangible improvements in basically all areas. The second 2 weeks weren’t as great, and had some brain fog return, but whatever, I’m sure it will improve soon. Higher than baseline libido remained throughout my entire cycle which was nice.

During my cycle i took some creatine that was recommended in another post and that, with the ultra hard, along with increased carbs, really showed on my physique. I can’t believe I used to worry about muscle wastage lol.

Update 4

I've been pretty inactive on this forum lately but I have a feeling things are going to turn around here now that we have a moderator (CD) back so thought I would post an update. Been a long time since the last.

I'm feeling quite good these days, maybe 70%. About right where I should be considering I started the protocol properly in Jan 2022 and I was a more severe case. Some very promising libido and dick sensitivity upswings, in fact I jerked off 4 times today (yeah maybe a bit much... I will not be doing that again anytime soon).

Brain fog is mostly very manageble then will randomly come back sometimes, but I'm not too worried because the bad days of brain fog are becoming less common overall.

I'm even back to recording music and socializing which I could not fathom doing a year ago.

Between my last update and now I had some days where I had really extreme anxiety but I just powered through them (with exercise, cold showers and breathing mostly). IMO, try not to overthink and attribute it to a herb or something else about the protocol, because nowadays I'm anxiety-free and I haven't changed anything I'm doing or ingesting. Just gotta power through to the other side I think. It felt like a byproduct of the brain chemistry undergoing changes or some shit.

Gonna run another prohormone cycle soon I think. I've done two cycles so far, both times positive experiences especially libido and physique wise, but for both I had increased brain fog at the end. Not really worried though as it corrected within a few weeks both times.

That's all, keep grinding folks

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Malibu

Update 4

I've been pretty inactive on this forum lately but I have a feeling things are going to turn around here now that we have a moderator (CD) back so thought I would post an update. Been a long time since the last.

I'm feeling quite good these days, maybe 70%. About right where I should be considering I started the protocol properly in Jan 2022 and I was a more severe case. Some very promising libido and dick sensitivity upswings, in fact I jerked off 4 times today (yeah maybe a bit much... I will not be doing that again anytime soon).

Brain fog is mostly very manageble then will randomly come back sometimes, but I'm not too worried because the bad days of brain fog are becoming less common overall.

I'm even back to recording music and socializing which I could not fathom doing a year ago.

Between my last update and now I had some days where I had really extreme anxiety but I just powered through them (with exercise, cold showers and breathing mostly). IMO, try not to overthink and attribute it to a herb or something else about the protocol, because nowadays I'm anxiety-free and I haven't changed anything I'm doing or ingesting. Just gotta power through to the other side I think. It felt like a byproduct of the brain chemistry undergoing changes or some shit.

Gonna run another prohormone cycle soon I think. I've done two cycles so far, both times positive experiences especially libido and physique wise, but for both I had increased brain fog at the end. Not really worried though as it corrected within a few weeks both times.

That's all, keep grinding folks

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Great news and encouraging! Keep going!

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Originally Posted by Mjw1999

Great news and encouraging! Keep going!

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Will do brother

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Originally Posted by Malibu

Will do brother

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Always love to hear about progress......congrats.