Originally Posted by
Vahn
Hey man,
I know what you are feeling. It's tough dealing with this shit for so long, especially when surrounding yourself with voices that are trying to convince you you are fucked for life. PH led me to CD, for which I'm grateful, but it also led me to body dysmorphia and suicidal ideation. The danger is real. In time, you won't be able to distinguish real symptoms from imagined ones. I have had this happening to me. You'll also start to analyse every little change in your body: "I ate a tomato yesterday and I couldn't sleep and my ED got worse, so tomatoes are the fruits of the devil himself!!" - I am very much guilty of exactly this behaviour. It locks you in. It's PFS trying to consume every last bit of you and keep you there.
Stop reading all the horror stories which bring you only anxiety, stop reading all the scientific studies which are probably mostly of low quality, stop reading all the armchair theories. No one actually knows what's happening. That's the beauty of what we are doing here. We don't know what is wrong with us. We're just giving our bodies all the chances to sort itself out. And it can. It absolutely can! Keep telling yourself this. People recover from the worst symptoms, but it takes time.
Sometimes I get sucked right back in. Back to PH. Back to PFS. Especially when I am in a downswing. You'll start looking for silver bullets again. You'll start looking for people with your symptoms to ease your troubled mind, but it only works for a minute or two.
You know what I have learned from researching almost every recovery post on PH and beyond: that the willpower and belief that you will overcome is KEY. There is no recovery story without it. Our minds didn't create PFS, but they sure as hell will keep us there if we let it. So BELIEVE YOU WILL RECOVER. Go through hell, and you will emerge a HERO! And you will be, because PFS requires you to be one to overcome it.
Remember: the TMO protocol is not just about going up, it's also about keeping your cool when going down. And fuck me if that shit ain't hard as fuck.