Getting worse after years

[road to recover]

I know my post is a bit propecia helpy in some ways but fuck it, I'm desperate.

Basically the short version: crashed with pFS 2010, lost twenty pounds muscle, severe ed and shrinkage, severe insomnia, anxiety and brain fog.

took two years to dig me out of a hole, but strangely by 2011/12 I could sleep 8 hours easily and depression and fatigue abated. I have no idea how it turned around as I was taking psych meds to help sleep, and was getting drunk once a week so it was hardly driven by healthy lifestyle.

2011-18: very good sleep, good energy, bad sexual sides but my dick and balls hung normally and normal size for years.

2018/19: ended up working with cunts and my PFS got made known about. I was unaffected but hung around too long and it broke my sleep, was back to six hours interrupted,

2020: after a few weeks away from the stress, took ZMA and did 4-7-8. This helped me get back to near normality, and also helped erections, and combined with a fitness regime including HIIT I was fitter than pre-pfs. But fucking lockdowns stopped the gym and beginning weightlifting.

2021: I crashed in Febraury and don't know why. Probably because I constantly ran ZMA for sleep without cycling, also I was drinking coffee and eating chicken thighs every day as a couple of places opened nearby during that horrible winter lockdown. My adrenals probably couldn't handle the espresso caffeine post-stress, and too much zinc when I took it already didn't help. I was probably wanking too much as was stuck in all day, and stayed up late taling to a friend who had moved to the States.

bascially since last Feb my dick shrunk for the first time in a decade since pfs began. It hasn't returned and if I wank too much it gets worse, like just now where it is rubbery and dead. Bear in mind I could wank for years and nothing bad happened. I want to obliterate those cunts who ended up fucking my sleep three years ago.

How do I get out this hole? Did you get your size back?