Update
Wow, the last 1.5 days have been some of the most positive I've ever had since PFS. I really truly realised I have a lot of mental problems to deal with first before I can ever truly achieve recovery, and beyond that, happiness. I think the guys who are predisposed to mental health issues or had them before PFS probably face a tougher time, because shutting up the mind becomes an almost impossible task - notice how I said almost?
I've never felt this kind of positive attitude about myself - ever - in my entire life, and I'm starting to actively shut down negative thoughts/feelings in my brain, and even laugh at them. I want my thoughts to become my friends, not my enemies as they have been for at least 15 years. I think this is a sign that I've finally taken the first step after four years - acceptance of where we are - and now I'm ready to tackle this shit. I'm scared, but ready.
I also realised that I've managed to achieve a lot of shit in four years with PFS - finished my Masters degree, started two online businesses (the first didn't really go anywhere), but I landed a huge client for the second one today and am in an awesome mood because of it. Finally, I have this to look forward to at the end of the year -
Home - Coral Palms, Fiji
I'll be staying here with family to celebrate my Dad's 60th birthday for 10 nights - cannot wait to do nothing but sit by a pool/beach, explore the outdoors, snorkel and fish. It will be heaven.
Cheers boys - one day at a time.
PS - if there's anyone from Australia on here, send me a PM. If you're in Brisbane it would be great to meet!