Originally Posted by
Bankai9000
Since I usually write in an emotional state. I want to take some time to write now when I'm chill and feeling extremely calm. Probably much but it helps me to throw it all out and then move on, and reread maybe some day a little.
Thank you CD man, like getting on here and reading such an answer really kicks me back into focusing on life. I appreciate it, a lot, every single time.
I still cheat, still eat some ice and or so when I'm out with people. It's not ideal, I shouldn't do it. But for now just destressing when the possibility arises seems even more important than anything else. When my life calms down soon(I hope this daily..) I will leave those out 99%, besides maybe when I'm with a girl going out.
Otherwise my diet is extremely on point, I've read and read and I'm totally set on what to do. Ofc I'm going paelo, but I'm trying to fit it into my personal needs. More cooked vegetables, more meals, less fruits, more focus on clean good meats etc. I had a very unhealthy "healthy" lifestyle, even tho I was eating "good" foods I was crazy overdosing on fruits 24/7 for example.
I've got a hairtest like 2 weeks after my crash and got the results some days ago, and this helps me even more to put into perspective what to eat more of and what less. Got crazy high calcium and copper, all life drinkin shittons of milk with wheys and dairy with absolute freak amounts of sugars(fruits and candy) with chocolate/cookies etc.. So no suprise these are freaking high, high sugar, tons of alcohol and stress-chasing habits leading to completely plummed magnesiumlevels. Funny is the supplementation they suggest is literally exactly of what I've read here on Swole and Hackstasis how to fight PFS or all "natural" supports optimum for organ health and am using those already anyway. Like B vitamins, digestive support, magnesium and some zinc.
In the last week I got crazy vascular, my muscles feel better even tho I had barely time to hit the gym. My skin is super hydrated and got great color, I've lost all paleness (which sometimes weirdly reappears randomly). My eyefloaters are fucking intense after swimming in the sea, but otherwise way better now too.
My sleep is still shit, I wake up like 3-4x a night in addition to not having much time. I get quite some errections at night and it seems that every single one is waking me up lol. Wouldn't mind that XD, but sadly they are weak, like 50% ;/. Got the bending and rotation going on which is freaking me out, but I just try not to worry about it now.
When the weather allows it I'll try to hit the sea daily for 10-15minutes, I'm used to cold exposure like a mofo by now and sea water seems to balance out the bodies minerals very well according to hacks.
Skin varies but today the bedsheets dissappeared in like 3-5minutes, probably best since crash.
Overall I feel good, I try to appreciate absolute everything. It just hurts me so much that I'm doing it this late.
Went for a walk today in the forest (I live in a really small touristplace, stunningly beautiful) and when it started raining all ran, and I just walked down with this fakin JOY building up inside myself. Fucking loved it. Remembering the body anhedonia makes stuff like that feel out of this world. My mind is clearer and better than precrash now. No brainfog, not much tiredness and my memory is getting crazy good. My heartbeat is too strong but overall on point, aswell as my arythmia is gone completely.
I'm really really happy to have found this place, I feel like a different human compared to whom I've been a month ago. Am working like 12hours a day now, there's just barely time for anything. My whole live got turned around. I go to bed early, I wake up early and then I have maybe 1-2hours for myself till I have to focus on sleep again. But even with such a lifestyle it is still way less taxing on my body compared to that shit I've done to myself prior.
And stuff which would anger me out of this world in work just doesn't bother me much anymore. AND OMFG I JUST NOTICED MY HEART beats faster out of anger. For the 6 weeks it seemed my heart was like detached from my brain, but I had to deal with a very unpleasent guy today and now I just noticed xD.
I stopped valuing this pseudoimportant stuff tho and if I earn less due to some idiot so be it, not like it really matters in the end anyway. Being healthy and sharing shit with friends/people/family is what counts. Being upset about deadlines and shit which always somehow can get handled just seems so absurd to me now.
Something I just want to add, for anyone still reading this shitwall of text.
My Mom had a beautiful funeral, it's weirdly probably one of my most .. idk how to say it. It was just absolutely stunning, there were like 60-70people. From who I knew like 40people so deep that they all felt like family. People were crying with us and it just felt so.. this whole pressure and pain got eased so much by touching and sharing with all these people crying and being there for us.
I'm slowly getting this real feeling back of, just being able to handle things. Still sharing a tear here or there, but I'm getting better, and my Dad seems to be really happy to see me being now this solid pillar handling everything without complaining.
So thanks a lot guys, you guys saved me. Seriously.