I would just do cocaine and drink a lot of alcohol together for a week or two to get out of this shitty mindset you're in. No joke. Do something crazy. You've been doing this shit for how long now? A year? Means you are in a loop. A mental prison.

Then after you did that. You start a protocol and get better.

It's not rocket science. There are people recovered or at the very least doing way better than they did.