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  1. #331
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 RickTheRuler's Avatar
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    Jacknap's Road To Vitality

    Quote Originally Posted by Lakehouse99 View Post
    i feel you 100% bro

    in hs i was mostly grinding in athletics like you, training, eating clean etc. college, im not playing sports anymore and forced to socialize (which im not good at with the guys), and I dont fit in anywhere. i dont have much problems with the girls, but i cant really spit game, which doesnt seem to be a problem. however, i could never be accepted by a crew when i was in my late teens and early twenties, outside of athletics.

    so i was forced to stay out of the mix after that as well. now im 26, feels like i lost the last 3 years of my life to PFS mental sides, plus however long it takes to get over this. i know ill stop bitching about it once i recover and i can meditate, because thats what meditation did for me back when i was 21, make me accept my life for what it was regardless of the things i missed out on and shit i failed at. so i know once i recover for good, i know how to just get on with life and live in the present moment just by training my mind to do so, which i cant right now due to PFS

    you gotta stop feeling inferior bro, thats how i felt too way back. thats the wrong fuel to propel you to the top imo. you gotta find something you want to do, and you gotta lose yourself in the moment of that to be the best at it, rather than compare yourself to others. thats when you have true confidence is when you dont have to compare yourself to others

    right now i get the thoughts that theres other guys in tech sales that are raking in 200k-300k at age 25,26,27, building connections to elite C suite executives, while im stuck with shitty PFS symptoms. other guys my age are launching their own companies, and those guys are living the dreams that my idols like tmac and kobe did, skipping college to go pro, and i feel like im just stuck on the sidelines just reading various things about the industry that im trying to play in

    but i gotta accept it and write my own story, cant compare it to those guys. it may take me years to get where they get, and if i have a bad attitude and compare myself to them constantly, i may never get there.

    gotta live life in the present moment truly, and if you do that, all the inferiority complexes, insecurity, comparisons, anxiety, depression--- all of that nonsense goes away. you feel true peace. speaking from experience of once being at that level and truly being able to live and experience the clarity of all the cliche lines of "living in the moment"
    Your right bro. It’s deff something to work on. It’s real deep in my DNA & I have to let it goS

    Thing is I’m pretty good today at all those things so when I tell people I have that inferiority thing they don’t get it.

    It’s like a super fat guy who loses weight, becomes jacked & then gets more women cause of it etc. which is a great thing.. but some guys still see the fat guy before all this & their behavior/body language follows suit .. I guess that’s how it is with me, I still see the kid at 17-19 years old. I’m deff in a better spot now in all areas cause of the work I put in but I still see the kid in mirror before all of it.

    We getting real fucking deep here lmao.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  2. #332
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    Quote Originally Posted by RickTheRuler View Post
    Your right bro. It’s deff something to work on. It’s real deep in my DNA & I have to let it goS

    Thing is I’m pretty good today at all those things so when I tell people I have that inferiority thing they don’t get it.

    It’s like a super fat guy who loses weight, becomes jacked & then gets more women cause of it etc. which is a great thing.. but some guys still see the fat guy before all this & their behavior/body language follows suit .. I guess that’s how it is with me, I still see the kid at 17-19 years old. I’m deff in a better spot now in all areas cause of the work I put in but I still see the kid in mirror before all of it.

    We getting real fucking deep here lmao.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

    see man youre living in the past though, thats the problem with that. some days youre good to go, some days you feel that hesitation cause you feel like youre that 18 year old

    your solution is to live in the present moment man forreal

    i think about getting back to where i can do that every single day, but i cant

    imagine if "living in the present" = deadlifting 400lbs

    it takes a while to build up to that and you gotta be consistent everyday. your bad thoughts (or any thoughts at all) come, you let them come, you just observe them, then you shift your mind back to the present moment, whether its your stomach going up and down to your breath, or some the sound of birds or whatever. and you just observe that without any thought (or judgement)

    you just do that over and over and over every single day, and eventually you get to the point where nothing bothers you anymore. its like muscle that you developed in your brain that just instantly switches off the bad thoughts without you even having to think about it. its a superpower

    yeah we getting real deep here without any alcohol or nothing lmao i guess PFS is a substitute for that
    Last edited by Lakehouse99; 09-23-2018 at 05:21 PM.

  3. #333
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    That's just conscious thinking. If you can understand dark progressive trance 132-145 BPM without drugs, then you are deep. Or high... or both.
    Only true DEEP THINKING WARRIORS, walk 9hrs at night away from some girl's house, to go scream at the ocean.

  4. #334
    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    I'm glad my thread could be the catalyst for deep rumination boys... lol

    for my next cycle I'm thinking 600mg r-andro no 4 andro. hitting that dht RAW folks. I think I can handle it without crushing my estrogen and even if I crush it yolo it'll come back in a month or so right?

    4 andro suppressed me. suppression gone BUT wouldn't risk it with another cycle. waste have an extra bottle.

    I feel that I have super high DHT naturally as gbold said Italians have higher DHT. I'm kinda hairy/lean. I look skinny but i'm insanely strong for my size. Sounds like a DHT dominant to me. I was also very aggressive/dominant/ambitious before PFS. I did 600mg DHT for a little on my 2nd cycle and that felt closer to the real me than 400. So might need that higher dose. I know tubzy went 600. Might copy and paste this to hackstasis too cuz it seems a bit more active here and some guys there really saved my ass a few times with advice.
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

  5. #335
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacknap View Post
    I'm glad my thread could be the catalyst for deep rumination boys... lol

    for my next cycle I'm thinking 600mg r-andro no 4 andro. hitting that dht RAW folks. I think I can handle it without crushing my estrogen and even if I crush it yolo it'll come back in a month or so right?

    4 andro suppressed me. suppression gone BUT wouldn't risk it with another cycle. waste have an extra bottle.

    I feel that I have super high DHT naturally as gbold said Italians have higher DHT. I'm kinda hairy/lean. I look skinny but i'm insanely strong for my size. Sounds like a DHT dominant to me. I was also very aggressive/dominant/ambitious before PFS. I did 600mg DHT for a little on my 2nd cycle and that felt closer to the real me than 400. So might need that higher dose. I know tubzy went 600. Might copy and paste this to hackstasis too cuz it seems a bit more active here and some guys there really saved my ass a few times with advice.

    im blasting 600mg DHT from Andro hard here but i feel nothing, but gonna keep doing it for another month at least

    those guys at hackstasis do anything different than here? i cant get approved to join there, email confirmation wont come and tubzy wont communicate with me for god knows what reason (i dont even know the guy lol)

  6. #336
    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lakehouse99 View Post
    im blasting 600mg DHT from Andro hard here but i feel nothing, but gonna keep doing it for another month at least

    those guys at hackstasis do anything different than here? i cant get approved to join there, email confirmation wont come and tubzy wont communicate with me for god knows what reason (i dont even know the guy lol)
    his sig says that he's mad busy might have to do with it. if they have anything ground breaking i'll fill all the swole source people. right now they're still doing trials of protocols i think
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

  7. #337
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    I went up to 1900mg its fine
    i do not recommend tho

  8. #338
    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CSM25 View Post
    I went up to 1900mg its fine
    i do not recommend tho
    woah how did that feel
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

  9. #339
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    I was kidding lol, probably 7 max R-Andro and 7 4-andro, lets say 7 each was 4-6 times, and 6 each was like 8 times. 4-6 each 20 times. And usually
    I took 4-andro at half the dose. I think I read dosing wrong or me and Ihatefin fucked up something with ADD... Maybe I misread what he said, not sure it was months ago. BUT* I did get stronger every half week.

    However, while it was good for mood and focus to an extent, and did help sexual drive. Some work (even a lot at times (trading))... It was really really
    not good in terms of irritation.

    Sounds obvious, but I can tolerate a lot of things, however I was really really mad until post workout.

    And then because of those high dose days, I megadosed TMO herbs (5-6 of them) and also took a bit extra of PCT (Kingsblood).
    It was all good, but I really don't need more aggression than baseline.

    It was pretty crazy last year beard in 5-7 days, now with nothing - like 0.6-1 days. On R-andro and 4-andro, full beard in 0.5 days. So yeah the stuff works but if anyone has a temper, aggression, etc., they should err on the side of caution.

    Also, pretty much not good for studying. AND when I took stimulants (say 80/the last 550days+), agitation was HIGH, very high. And I needed something to bring it down maybe 21 times.

    So all in all:

    FIne for PFS.
    FINE for suppression.
    *NOT GREAT* for Mood and FOCUS issues.

    AND---> *potentially risky*.
    --> I only did this because of impatience and also I was getting stronger weekly, ... basically addictive tendencies. Not very smart, but I also
    ---> didn't think I'd recover until maybe Feb-March and really like May to June, I realized (wow... I've gotten like 1000x better).

    Again: I in no way advocate overdosing ANYTHING at all in life: sex, caffeine, workout drugs, whether real steroids or not. Nothing.

    Everything in moderation.

    I was fine, but I did storm out maybe 5-8times.

    - - - Updated - - -

    It wasn't on purpose* and I hate being angry.
    Anger really is a poison and it hurts the person. Same with depression, anxiety etc. --> Combined with alcohol?
    -Super Destructive. I quit drinking mostly at 23 though.

    But* I think over aggression (anger***, agitation when really bad) and Depression*** are the worst emotions. I could be wrong - it's case to case.

    I mean normally for people with a "standard emotional range".

    Anger has it's uses. Dr. Drew says "Disgust is the best motivator in life." --> I like that guy. He's a good Psychologist it seems lol.

  10. #340
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 DrivenToRecover's Avatar
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    As someone that took adderall for years...I crack up when I read your posts CSM lol... because I've had the head space that you seem to stay in naturally lol
    Its only work until its routine

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