One thing you got wrong in this statement is where you said "It would ruin my life forever". Do you have any idea how many people have been through much worse and come out of it better in the end? This is not the end of the world. If it happens, it happens, and that'll suck. But on the other end of that is another open door to a myriad of opportunities. There's a saying I picked up many years ago: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". So do what you can to rectify your situation, but if it doesn't turn out the way you hoped, then move on to greener pastures. They are everywhere.