My story and road to recovery - Mojo

[Mojo]

Hemo test came back. Seems it’s inflammation and not iron disease. Ferritin levels dropped sharply as well. Seems to coincide with having a fairly good upswing and doing better generally.

Had a very good 4 weeks. Some anxiety here and there, some bad nights, some sleepless still. But overall best month I’ve had since crashing. Unfortunately I’ve been hit hard by an anxiety wave last few days where I just can’t seem to catch a break. Sleep is terrible, mind is racing, I can’t even meditate without freaking out. Like, even with my eyes closed they can’t stop moving around and thoughts race through my head so fast I can’t even tell what I’m thinking off. Having these extremely intense feelings of terror and fear that prick my heart for like a fraction of a second. Not enough to send me into a panic attack, but enough to leave me unsettled and make sleep impossible. Saved some kratom for this exact scenario and it helps me cope. Wish I had some weed left over for the racing thoughts but I need to make a trip to the netherlands soon. I know it’s just a wave I have to ride out so I’m not too depressed about it.

Been eating more sugar lately. Might be that.

Libido has been good. I can’t tell for sure if the lamp is rubbing off on me but I’m having sex dreams again and waking up to boners p much every morning.

Gym’s still closed and it’s pissing me off. I need to get under a weight and into a sauna. Still sitting on this damn ultrahard bottle. I only want to break it out when I’m lifting again.

Sorry for the negative tone, thought I’d try and reverse jinx myself for once 😅

[Cdsnuts]

Hemo test came back. Seems it’s inflammation and not iron disease. Ferritin levels dropped sharply as well. Seems to coincide with having a fairly good upswing and doing better generally.

Had a very good 4 weeks. Some anxiety here and there, some bad nights, some sleepless still. But overall best month I’ve had since crashing. Unfortunately I’ve been hit hard by an anxiety wave last few days where I just can’t seem to catch a break. Sleep is terrible, mind is racing, I can’t even meditate without freaking out. Like, even with my eyes closed they can’t stop moving around and thoughts race through my head so fast I can’t even tell what I’m thinking off. Having these extremely intense feelings of terror and fear that prick my heart for like a fraction of a second. Not enough to send me into a panic attack, but enough to leave me unsettled and make sleep impossible. Saved some kratom for this exact scenario and it helps me cope. Wish I had some weed left over for the racing thoughts but I need to make a trip to the netherlands soon. I know it’s just a wave I have to ride out so I’m not too depressed about it.

Been eating more sugar lately. Might be that.

Libido has been good. I can’t tell for sure if the lamp is rubbing off on me but I’m having sex dreams again and waking up to boners p much every morning.

Gym’s still closed and it’s pissing me off. I need to get under a weight and into a sauna. Still sitting on this damn ultrahard bottle. I only want to break it out when I’m lifting again.

Sorry for the negative tone, thought I’d try and reverse jinx myself for once ��

Stay away from the kratom. It's just a bandaid and it will cause you to reach for it every time you have anxiety. This isn't a good scenario.

When you get like that........take a cold shower......breathe......try and meditate.....or, force yourself to do calisthenics to burn off the nervous energy. Or you could always take some of this Blue Vervain | Total Male Optimization

You just have to make it through those times without taking anything that's going to set you back. You'll be better for it when you do.

[Mojo]

I hear you. Was taking a tiny single dose of 1g in the afternoon, but I understand it’s bad conditioning. The belief I can tackle this without bandaids will help me in the long run. I just wish it didn’t work so goddamn well, it’s like an instant fix. Nature can be cruel.

Bag is finished anyway now so it was a nice run. Thanks for the input.

[Cdsnuts]

I hear you. Was taking a tiny single dose of 1g in the afternoon, but I understand it’s bad conditioning. The belief I can tackle this without bandaids will help me in the long run. I just wish it didn’t work so goddamn well, it’s like an instant fix. Nature can be cruel.

Bag is finished anyway now so it was a nice run. Thanks for the input.

Good, you understand. You put it perfectly well.....conditioning.....yes. NEGATIVE conditioning. That's how many of the pharmaceuticals work....instant fix. But the price you pay isn't worth it. Or, as I always say, the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

By the way....the blue vervain works great for this and it's not habit forming. You can take as much as you need until you feel content. Try it.