Quote Originally Posted by strato View Post
3 Months On TMO Protocol + Recovery Update - April 2023

Since the last time I posted, I've continued to follow about 80% of the TMO protocol. I've been rotating the herbs daily, working out regularly, and eating super clean (paleo + complex carbs for workout gains). I put these 3 pillars as critical to any successful recovery - and as easy as they sound, to actually do them with integrity and discipline is a different story. But gratefully and honestly, I can say I was sticking to these 100%.

I however did not jibe well with carb backloading - it proved to be a hindrance and burden to my gym gains and lifestyle, so I consciously dropped this from the regimen a while ago. I also have yet to implement a regular meditation practice / breathing exercises (due to PFS symptoms I will discuss), cold showers (purely lack of discipline here), or the bathmate (financial/personal reasons here). The rest I have followed.

So doing the TMO protocol 80+% for about 3months straight definitely put me in a better mental/physical state. It's hard to say but I think I probably gained about 5-10% of the 'normal me' back and went from say 50% to 60% recovered. I feel more positive, slightly more driven, slightly harder erections. The improvements for the most part seem minor, but happening nonetheless.

My external life has also kept improving, clients are coming into my business, my girlfriend and I are doing well (we just came back from a camping trip together), my living situation with my brother has picked up quite a bit, and my outlook in general has felt more positive and expansive. I've been tapping back into making plans and taking steps towards realizing my higher life goals and purpose again - which feels great as my life has been completely consumed by simply surviving/making it through this finasteride/PFS hell for the past 10 months.

However, even with these wins, I still suffer from: low/terrible libido, poor 60% erections, dick/leg/feet numbness, constant racing/anxious/restless mind, blunt emotions, inability to truly focus or be present, blocked energetically, disconnection or dissatisfied from life in the strangest yet prevalent way. I also have week-by-week downswings and upswings which are hard to predict. Overall, I still feel in the thick of this all.

I've only just realized how difficult it is to live with the mental/emotional PFS side effects. Not being able to truly experience emotions be they high or low is just constantly disconcerting and shit. The beauty of life is just missing for me - movies just don't evoke emotions, songs don't sound as good, even my relationships in general just feel just weaker in their sense of impact, importance and connection to me. For example with my new girlfriend, normally you go through that phase of a sexual honeymoon period and strong feels of having a crush on them - but this has been virtually nada for me.

Same too with my racing mind. I constantly feel like my mind is spinning and doesn't' want to stop - like I'm in a constant state of unrest or a feeling of 'something is not quite right' that is impossible to satisfy. It's like I go completely unconscious and on an autopilot mode, just going from one moment to the next to the next without ever being able to truly pause, stop to meditate, or simply enjoy the moment.

This sounds like an excuse to not be doing a regular meditation practice - I get that - but it really does feel like my mind/body/consciousness can get stuck in this loop of a constantly racing mind, feelings of unrest, lack of any presence or ability focus - I just spin and spin on autopilot from one moment to the next without being able to stop it as, if I'm just trying to get through to a place where I will finally feel at peace and able to be 'just me' again - but that feeling never comes.

And this is the problem - knowing the biochemistry behind it, my brain literally feels like its lacking the chemicals/hormones etc. it needs to generate feelings of peace, stillness, connection contentment etc. The same goes with strong and full emotions, and of course all the sexual stuff which is obvious too.

Anyway, I know this update sounds bit negative and I hate that. I'm a fundamentally positive person and still know I will heal from PFS and thrive again. But I'm just being honest - as you guys know, PFS is real and is a true hell. This is the raw experience of what I'm going through; it's definitely not all sunshine and rainbows, even on the protocol (nor was it ever expected to be). I know I will come back with a more positive update soon, I can feel it. Just got to keep grinding. More time is needed. My next course of action is to begin my first Ultra Hard Prohormone Run within the next week - so stay tuned for this.
All your posts are a little on the long side which I think puts people off a full read.
However you last paragraph reads well. It’s the positivity and belief which are key.
All the best.