Hi everyone

[coppersocks]

So update. Feeling generally much better at this stage than I was, had a good week in college and at work with my mood definitely having improved with me being able to keep on top of my thoughts. This is in no doubt helped by doing the breathing twice a day every day followed by ten minutes of meditation. I downloaded the Headspace app for short guided meditations and I find them pretty excellent at helping me watch thoughts rather than becoming engrossed in them. I've been trying to get to the bottom of my brain fog issue for some time as mine seemed to exhibit itself slightly differently from what I'd seen other reporting. Though no doubt bought on by fatigue and stress often I'm able to pull my self out of it most of the time by really focussing mindfully on my surroundings and conversation with people. I found the terms "depersonalisation and "derealisation" online and these seem much more in line with what I generally experience and are often bought on by things like anxiety, stressful circumstances and unusual dopamine and adrenal responses like addictions. Since realising this I've just doubled down on remaining present and not letting myself get lost in thoughts or looking at my phone (which I do constantly, particularly since this started) and the effects have been pretty staggering and I've hardly suffered from it at all and my mood has lifted and I generally feel less overwhelmed or anxious. There was even a night where I woke up after an hour and a half sleep with my heart racing that was exactly like how I had woken up in the past, but instead of laying there worried about another nights sleep- I got up, had a banana as I had read on the RP forum that a drop in blood sugar as you sleep can cause cortisol spikes, and after ten minutes I was asleep for the rest of the night.

Over the past five or so day I've also been running a little experiment with pregnenlone at high dosage of 150mg but I feel I have to stop as I think it's tanking my E. Libido fell off again (no desire at all but no trouble maintaing erection once there) after two days and I've noticed a little bit of irritability, loss of morning wood, cracking joints and some lethargy creeping in so I think that dose my be just too high for me.

I've been on about 15 herbs for over a month now so I think it's time I list the ones I feel the most immediate effect for those who come here in future looking for advice;
For generaly sense of well being; Ashwaganda, Rhodiola and Muira Puama. Libido it has been Tongkat, Butea Superba, Horny Goat Weed and Pine pollen and for fatigue Eleuthero and Rhodoila. Five weeks isn't a long time so some of these may be just because I felt good that day so I'll update the list again in future.

Also I've ordered some Vitamin K and pandesterone (DHEA and Preg) from ideallabs and will probably use them topically at some stage in the future as suggested here https://raypeatforum.com/community/t...tamin-k.13505/.
Users seem to talk of great effects from them and though there is no magic bullet for PFS it looks promising.

[coppersocks]

It's been a good while since my last update.
Essentially I fucked up and stopped following the protocol to the key. In the past month I drank three times, smoked weed a fair bit and also used porn quite frequently to assure myself that I still had a libido. There's no good reasons for this other than I went through a rough patch mentally after a bad interaction with an ex, end of semester college work and pressure and with some new symptoms emerging, particularly more prominent veins on my genitals, legs and hands which kinda threw me and made me feel pretty down and also I've started getting much more eye floaters, constant visual static or "snow" and flashes in my vision every now and then. This is when I should have doubled down on the protocol and focused on it even more but instead I fell of the wagon somewhat.

For those wondering what these things do to your recovery I'll list the ways in which they have effected me.

Alchohol
As I said I got to the point where I could handle a drink or two but anything more than that was a different story. Essentially a hangover made me feel like OK initially, seemingly bringing back my libido and making it easier to achieve a proper erection. However by evening time it seems to give me bad anxiety and effects my sleep for a few days. I also seem to get spontaneous hot flashes and sweating. Essentially all signs of high E and I feel like what I imagine a period feels like.

Weed
I would seriously recommend avoiding it at all costs whilst following the protocol. The first night I tried it was fine, I actually felt like I slept really heavily. However by the third night of smoking it before bed it was effecting my badly. Cannabis increases cortisol and lowers GABA which is not something any of us need. My sleep became terrible, waking up every hour or so. The brain fog and fatigue that I had in the first couple of months of my crash came back and are still here somewhat, a week after stopping it.

Porn
If I'm to be fully honest here; I continued using porn. I used it when my libido would come back every week or so and I used it to reassure myself that I still had a libido when it would stay away for long periods than that. This seemed to be not that much of an issue, and it seemed like something I could get away with doing instead of following what the protocol said. I couldn't.
If you haven't read anything from the site suggested in CD's webpage called yourbrainonporn then go and read it now and read stories of guys suffering from various porn induced symptoms. You'll be surprised how many of them you already know; no libido, ED, anxiety, no nocturnal wood, brain fog, insomnia, need I go on?
My theory on this is that our dopamine response is in a very precarious state right now and anything that can illicit a response from it we gravitate towards. On top of that we need reassurance that we're still "working" down there so we (or me specifically) use porn to basically make ourselves feel better- which it does in the short term- at a time when its difficult to feel much pleasure. I was stupid I know, and I could feel my pleasure from watching it evaporate more during each session. I think that because of the delicate state of my brain that I basically hindered myself more by giving myself porn induced ED. I say that because when I think about it I was able to get an erection perfectly fine, just with porn. Also, my morning woods were almost at the point of being fine also. That is not physiological ED, that's psychological or at least neurological. So if anyone is reading this who is just thinking of starting the protocol and is unsure on this point, just don't. You don't want to be flooding your brain with the chemicals that watching porn can produce at a time when it essentially already has a chemical imbalance, it is much easier to mess yourself up in this way than it was before PFS so don't. I genuinely think that I'd be much further on libido wise had I had done this. I fucked up. As it stands I haven't looked at porn or masturbated in ten days and I pretty much have no libido at all. Plenty of people who quit porn after porn induced ED go through what they call a "flat line" and have the same thing, this can last from a couple months to much longer.

Obviously this is not the update I wanted to write, particularly after I feel like I was doing well on most fronts. However a couple of times I used my upswings as a sign that I could deviate somewhat, difficult events in my life as excuses to do the same and on top of that I continued using porn every now and then and that in itself has led to it's own issues. I'm still confident of recovery, but I'm pissed at myself too. At least I now know what kind of dedication it'll take instead of kidding myself that I knew.

[Swill]

Don't beat yourself up. Back on the horse and go again bro.

[coppersocks]

Update time. It's been over three months since I given an update here so this is long overdue.

Reading back on this thread it's obvious that in the months after crashing that my mind was a roller coaster various emotions and stresses. Some days were good, some bad, others terrible and during all that I was constantly desperate to be recovered. I see the same in other peoples threads too. It's such a long and arduous process that requires massive amounts of mental effort just to live a normal life that it leaves you in a state of almost constant stress. Stress of trying to appear fine to people, of trying to get your work done, of not knowing when or even if you will feel better, of not even knowing how you will feel the next day or if you'll even get a decent nights sleep that night. The stress is awful and whats worse is that it can hamper your recovery, even stall it completely if you let it. Well I didn't.

I'm not here to say that I am fully recovered because I'm not yet. That particular toast of whiskey is going to have to wait another couple of months but I know I will be writing in the recovery section soon. But I am here to say that I'm nearly there, PFS barely effects my day if I don't let it and I am living a fully fuctional, normal and enjoyable life. Much of the time I forget I have it! I won't go over my numerous problems bought on by PFS, they're listed in my previous posts but I will give a list of the minor lingering symptoms that persist and that I am soon to get over at the end of this post.

When I first came to this site I asked CD if I would be able to go on a trip to South America that I had already booked. He said that if I followed the protocol exactly that I would. If you've read my previous posts you'll know that I did not follow the protocol to the T. I took the herbs everyday but I didn't adhere to the nofap rule or even the no porn and there would be stretches of days where I wouldn't Wim Hof or even meditate. This was all to my detriment and I imagine that if I had I might well be posting in the recovery section as opposed to here. I timed my six week R-Andro run to end just before I left for SA. I took 400mg a day(2 pills in the morning and two in the evening). R-Andro works, I was getting horny and sensation came back down there, also my body odor drastically changed to a almost medicinal smell (that was weird). However during the last week of the cycle or so the benefits began to fade slightly. This caused me some anxiety as I thought I was looking at the possibilty of a shutdown just as I was readying to leave, this anxiety in turn caused some brainfog during my first few days there. I wasn't enjoying myself. I didn't take any supplements with me other that 5a-DHP for emergencies and that had me somewhat worried also but once I got into the swing of things I was fine. I think what did it was kissing a girl about five days in and feeling movement. After that I knew that it was just my mind holding me back. I honestly went on to have the time of my life, getting with multiple girls, meeting new people, climbing Machu Pichu and seeing other sights and cities. I now know that my body is robust enough to withstand drinking and drug use which I carelessly and stupdily took part in. Luckily it didn't have any major negative effects or cause any crashes. I didn't drink in the months leading up to going but about a month before I did some MDMA with a couple of friends one night and it really helped me realise how much anxiety I was holding onto and focusing on as opposed to letting my body get better. I can't recommend this to everyone as I everyone is at a different stage of their recovery but MDMA is proven to help people with PTSD and grief and a small enough dose in the right setting can do wonders for your mind. As I said before, I'm a mild case of PFS and I caught it early by getting here within the first couple of months of my crash so it is absoloubtly not for everyone but though it didn't cure all anxiety about my condition it definitely primed me for going to SA and put me in a much better place.

Now I'm back I feel ready and motivated for my going to college and as I have date lined up with a stunning girl this Thursday who was texting me the whole time I was away. Protocol wise I've hopped straight back on. I will give it another couple of months and then get back on the R-Andro for another 6 weeks at 400mg. I would say that my baseline raised about 15 percent on my last run so I imagine after my next run I will be in touching distance to say the least.

As far as symptoms go:

SLEEP
Pretty much fine, some nights I have a bad night but I was never a great sleeper before anyway. 7/10 (It has never been above that though)

FATIGUE
Pretty much gone, I don't get the terrible tiredness that I used to. All normal here. 9/10

BRAIN FOG
I had a couple of weird bouts early on my trip but they never lasted more than a day. 8/10

ANXIETY and MENTAL
I feel as good as I ever have really. Only when I dwell on minor issues do I feel negative about my life and this has alleviated much of my anxiety. If my blood sugar drops I can feel a bit anxious but it never really lasts. 8/10

ED and LIBIDO
I no longer have ED, at all. It may still take a couple of seconds longer than it used to but if I want it up -its going up! Libido is still not quite there. What I mean by that is that before PFS there used to be days where I just had to take care of myself. This still doesn't happen, well not as much but it definitely feels like its falling into place. Every time I think about this date coming up or back at some of the memories of traveling I can feel the dopamine hit, I get excited and I can feel how good it feels. It's getting there. 7/10

OTHER
I still have a lot of eye floaters and my eyes are still more sensitive to light than they were before. I actually see a lot of white sperm-like dots moving around in my vision if I look at a white sky and I get intense after images that last longer than usual if I look at a bright light. This is worse in the morning, particularly if I was drinking the night before. I'm sure that this has been bought on by the amount of stress I was under as cortisol can wreak havoc on the body and I think it will fix itself in time.

[Ridd]

thanks for the update coppersocks, been following your story for a while now (on ray peat aswell.) we crashed near the same time, good to see you starting to get out of this shitshow. best of luck in making a full recovery in the coming months, be sure to update us!

[coppersocks]

thanks for the update coppersocks, been following your story for a while now (on ray peat aswell.) we crashed near the same time, good to see you starting to get out of this shitshow. best of luck in making a full recovery in the coming months, be sure to update us!

Cheers man, yeah I remember I was pretty panicked when going to that forum thinking that my veins we're gonna protude out of my whole body. My whole body seems to have calmed down now and other than my eyes everything seems to be pretty grand. I'll probably put an update on there soon but I want to get blood work done first to give them more data for the 5ar and the Brain thread they have going. Good luck man and let me know how you get on.

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[Cdsnuts]

Good for you brother. Keep up the great work my man.

[coppersocks]

Check the recovery section.