Man, I am so fucked up right now. Dick looks completely dead at this point. Giant ass veins, shrunken shaft, even more shrunken head, hangs loose with no elasticity. I was lying in bed a few months ago and noticed the head gets bigger if I clench certain muscles like doing a kegal, and then goes back to looking shrunken and dead when I let go. I lost hardness whilst inside my girlfriend last night and neither of us could get it going again even though I was on viagra. Can't even get hard off the bathmate anymore, blood just drains out of me. It seems to shrink at the very touch of warm water and get bigger when it's cold. What the hell is that? Venous leakage?
I think it's beyond chemical now. Protocol raised my testosterone, fixed my voice, gave me my confidence back, everything it was supposed to do, but something is just physically broken down there. Tissues lost, veins to big to shut. It still gets worse even though everything else got better.
When I crashed I was jerking off almost daily, drinking all the time, smoked weed every day of the week and still taking that poison for 3 years. I've never read any recovery where someone has abused their own body as badly as I have.
I hate posting this negative shit but I'm circling the plughole at this point.