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  1. #1
    Established Member Feedback Score 3 (100%) tallstraw's Avatar
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    Letís see if I can stick around this time lol

    Alright, so lots to throw out here, before asking for advice.

    Old member here, back when you could still buy SuperDrone from PP, and man was that stuff the shit.

    I was 19 at the time, fresh in the Army and reckless as all get out. I spent the majority of my enlistment, and the years after dating a girl which was absolutely terrible for me. Cheated on me multiple times, I did the same. Years of this back and fourth of this and other self destructive behavior. I was not mentally okay. This lasted until literally until last ausgust when I finally, truly, closed the book on it.

    Used to lift religiously when I started, until about 22. My diet was never good for gaining though. Then when I finally learned a bit about dieting, it all went downhill.

    Tried traditional anabolic after DJ couldnít shut the fuck up about how much better they were than PHís and that youíd never go back once you started pinning(if anyone remembers his constant push to ďthe dark side(lol).Ē Well, that was true. Unfortunately, they ARE that much better, safer, and easier to take. 2 shots a week of 125mg of test and I can gain like no tomorrow. Takes 2 seconds, and Iím good, then the gains and feel good, shoot through the roof.

    Unfortunately, when they started making the gains roll in, I started not working harder. Then when I got off them, I didnít like how I felt non enhanced. So I abused them for years. Iíd start a cycle, be good, see the gains, then my work ethic dropped, my diet dropped, but the steroids stayed.

    I would sometimes be taking tren and test, while doing nothing, because it kept me full, and Iíd Be lean with no effort really. It was just after when Iíd stopped dedicating myself to the gym, and would run it for shits and gigs essentially.

    This was compounded by a habit I picked, from my unhealthy relationship. I became a coke head. Started partying a lot like everyone does when theyíre young and fresh out of the Army and making up for the time they lost that they watched as all their friends around them partied and lived a carefree existence in college. I was up to a gram or so, more of the so part, a day. This carried onfor about a year and half, until I realized one day when I was driving my car, and couldnít stop thinking about it.. that I was addicted, and it was painfully obvious, and no longer my active choice to do it, as I had thought the entire time. I was dealing too, to pay for it. So it never cost me money to do it, and I always had it around, so I never felt like I was addicted, that I was doing it because I liked it, and it was MY choice. Not to mention the drug prevalence of party drugs in the PNW. And the party friends I had. I had access to fishscale rock, at 160 a ball, that always tested 5 stars on kits. Boy was I wrong, looking back on it. Using ďcruiseĒ doses of test and sprinkling other shit in the entire time intermittently for shits and gigs. I always thought I didnít have an addictive personality, and I still think I donít think I really do, but when I find soemthing I REALLY like, I most certainly do. It took 6 months for the scabs on my nose to finally heal.

    October 2016 I finally quit, cold turkey, and Jan 1st drove home to baltimore, to help my mom, get a fresh start, get away from the girl, get away from the drugs. I was clean for about 9 months total.

    Decided in January of 2017, I had a lid on it. And started a Tren,Test,Sdrol cycle. It went well, I was doing VERY well. I did everything right. I got 8hrs a night, I religiously pinned the same time every day, I had 4 meals prepped a day at weeks start. And I blew up. At least by my definitions, and the definitions of every person I encountered. To some of the bigger guys here, Iíd still be a twig at 6í5 220lbs. I didnít realize just how much you could add with steroids when you had accurately dosed, legit steroids, and do everything PERFECTLY. And outside of smoking weed all the time, I was doing it perfectly. My mom let me stay for free while I was helping her get the house ready to sell. With my GI Bill, all I did was go to school, lift, sleep eat(for my goals, and goals only) and smoke. I drank once or twice a month and only a couple beers at a time.

    On that cycle I had one goal, strength. I had a 365 bench(I never benched during the cycle, just trained chest, I finally decided to just go for it one day for shits and gigs). Where I was shining was deadlift, I fell in love with deadlifts finally and worked up to a 430lb deadlift in no time flat. I worked that lift like 3x a week. Some days I wasnít feeling it, but it didnít stop me from doing it. Squat was always shit, still couldnít get form right to do them. No matter how many people have tried to help me. Not even burlyís tips helped lol. I was finally doing things how they were supposed to be done in all facets of my life.

    Then tragedy struck..

    I was on such a good path and doing so well. I drank once or twice a month, I lived a clean life style, I was saving money, I was working towards a productive future.

    (The only issue I had was using cialis too much, because I was compensating. Before I left for Baltimore in December. This one gorgeous, and I mean drop dead, 19yr old legit model, from class I was friends with whoíd always had a boyfriend, but had an unhealthy friendship with me because of how much we flirted. She Finally broke it off with him, and right before I left we started hooking up. And my dick went limp in the morning one time, and then that got in my head badly. It was just anxiety because of how nervous I was to put on a good effort and wow her.)

    .. but, all that hard work came crashing down in a 2 week span in April.

    My sex drive has seldom ever been what it was on that cycle. I realized just how far off kilter they put you when you use them and arenít doing what youíre supposed to. For years when I was running them, especially when I was brewing, id be on like 400mg a week, just for shits and gigs. Iíd be angry as shit, short fused, bloat up and bloat down, sex drive up and down, dick issues. Pair this with my psycho relationship and my mental health really deteriorated over the years.

    But I digress.

    There was this Mom I was banging, she was a big girl, at 6í1, but Iím tall so I dig it. Total freak, and except for shit, piss and basically any other disgusting bodily fluid(A-okay with this limit lol), nothing was off limits. It was bomb.

    I had a healthy mindset, I had a healthy body(I was getting regular bloods too), I had a healthy sex partner, I had healthy friends. Life was on track for me.

    Then one time we were intimate, and I was on the carpet, she was on top working her beloved bouncy magic, and taking the beef bus to tuna town. Although I dont have a small dick, it doesnít run toward infinity either lolz. She came up too far, and popped out, and then she came back down and her pelvis hit the tip of my bone hammer at just the right angle. Something had to give, I was on solid ground, so that wasnít moving like a bed underneath me.. Something had to give, and the weakest link between our two bodies wasss you guessed it, the hammer. By virtue of being a 6í1 woman, sheís heavier than your average girl, and she was thicker than a snicker to boot.

    So my dick bent. Didnít think too much of it, we paused real quick, but everything was good, it was just a shocking moment and hen we carried on like nothing happened.

    During this time period, I was using a bathmate just to squeeze any last bit I could out of my dick. But it was basically just being used because I had it. I bought it years prior when I was in a bad mental state and outlook towards my manhood because over the years Iíve had bad comments, but that have always come from some scorn woman.. and havenít been true. But 24 year old me, was too naive to know this.

    I was getting gains from the ĎMate, but my dick was slightly sore in the middle. Then for about a week, it got progressively worse, and I wasnít stopping the ĎMate during this period. I eventually figured it was an chlamydia(nbd), and went to see a doctor. Gave me a test after about 10 days time.. but upon inspection when I looked down, while he was getting a good glimpse for discharge, and realized it was curved to the right BIG TIME. I said soemthing to him, he told said he thought it was chlamydia, have me some meds, gave me a urethra drug that helps with pain, and turns my piss the color of Red Bull and orange juice lol.

    At about the 14 day mark.. my erection quality had sank markedly, I was beginning to use large eyeball doses of cialis, and continuing to have sex. The curvature was really starting to bug me. I had like the most picturesque rooster youíve ever seen. Straight as an arrow, prettier than the Mona Lisa. Iíve even had girls say, this is like the straightest or prettiest unicorn horn Theyve ever seen. Then one day, a month later, it just stopped working. Completely.


    Iíd get an erection, it would get to 70% .. on the left side

    .. the ride side was a solid 20%.. it curved like it was divorcing the left and running the opposite direction, while the left side tried to chase it around and bring them back together.

    For months I couldnít get an erection.. even a small scoop of cialis lost itís effect on me, and at best before that point I got an 80% erection. I fell into a steep depression, diet went to shit, training halted, weed smoking increased to where I was never not stoned out of my mind. I stopped going to school and laid in bed all the time.

    My ex and I started talking again, right when curvature started, and we entered an open relationship around May.. is sleep with someone, weíd exchange videos as was the deal(which I realize was just a way to keep tabs on each other), sheís get angry and jealous, and I wouldnít nearly as much when sheíd do the same.. then when it finally stopped working, I got into some stupid cuck fetish watching her getting down with other dudes, and she had no problems being able to have sex while I couldnít.. but would get mad at me and jealous when I was.. I canít believe I didnít see all these signs.. I was just lonely, and when the dickmobile finally blew a seal, and shit the bed, I got really lonely.

    In May I realized it was peyronnies disease.. but was a self inflicted one. Iíd bent it from sex, and made it worse with the bathmate.


    This story is getting all over the place I know, but Iím sort of remembering it as I go, because I havenít thought about it in a bit, and actually have put it behind me.

    June 1st, I Decided to move back to Portland to be with her, immediately started doing blow again sometimes, thinking I had control this time and had learned my lesson..

    .. moving was a rash decision to stave off my loneliness.

    Dick was working, ever so slightly, I had started to get 40-50% erections.. and I threw that wet noodle at her pink sink every chance I got. We had an opening relationship still, but it was mostly her doing things, and making sure any chance I got to do anything(I wouldnít let it lead to sex for me, for obvious reasons), she would dominate the encounter and try her best to hog any interaction to make sure it was all about her. But the erection strength stayed stagnant at that 40-50% for a month.

    I went to a doctor knowing what it was, and asked what we could do.. he told me nothing, for at least 6 months because itís healing and they couldnít do anything till the body was done running Itís course, or they might make it worse.. I was devastated, 6 more months of this crap.

    In August Iíd finally had enough of my exes shit and I kicked her out of the house.

    The coke use increased.

    Scabs started again after just a few months, which took a year and some change to start, before.. and I quit in October. Been clean ever since, but the scabs have only just healed in the past month and Iím starting to be able to breathe again.

    In February I got in a fight with my best friend, and after he assisted me twice, and then I beat his ass laughably. I still almost got an assault charge over it, if it hadnít of been for the cops wording everything because he told me he believed my story, and didnít believe Andrews for a second.. Iíd have probably gotten the charge, because the report reflected a story that very much supported me.

    This all involved alcohol, though I was essentially sober and he was shitfaced. I thought nothing of this, but the same story he told the cops, he told all our mutual friends, of which there are many.. and just like with the law, since he called the cops, it puts me on the defensive. He went and did all the same to our friends.. and they put me on the defensive as well. I lost many of the friends I have out here.

    So I decided to swear everything off. Iíve never had issues with alcohol, and seldom cause any trouble when I drink.. but it ALWAYS seems to find a way to cause trouble for me. So I swore it off. And weed too.

    In March, needing a change of pace, and some positivity. I booked a trip to Europe for my birthday. A solo trip as a present to myself.

    It was the best 2 weeks of my life, bar none.

    While I was there, I made the exception to drink, and the only time I will drink is when traveling. Helps mingle and meet people better. Trouble seems to find its way to me in then US no matter what. But the culture is so much different over there.

    While I was there, I met a BEAUTIFUL, but regretfully short, 24 yr old Finnish woman, Iím 27. I told her everything youíve heard and more, and although she is very innocent, and done none of the shit I have.. and frankly is much too high caliber for me in all aspects lmfao.. for some reason, she never batted an eye at it. ďI donít care who you were, I care about the man whoís standing in front of me now. You make me laugh like no one in my life ever has.Ē

    We proceeded to spend every minute of the day just the two of use, traveling around Europe. In June Iím moving back out there to go travel the world with her.. and she doesnít know it yet, but sheís gonna be the one I marry lol.

    In my 27 years on this earth, I have never met a woman like her. No one even comes close to her caliber. From the moment I met her, it was a wake up call that I needed to be better, because she deserved better. Iíve found drive, and direction again, and have been realizing my goals in the short time frame. Itís weird what a good woman will do to you. I never bought Iíd want to get married, and never once wanted to in my relationship, or seldom even wanted a relationship.. but within days, knew if we can make this distance work, Iíd marry this woman. She just doesnít know it yet.

    This was mostly to catch my life up with any of the old heads that cared.

    Now my question.

    Iím done with steroids, drugs, and most everything except an occasional drink while traveling.

    But Iím back in the gym 3x a week just for wellness, and eating pretty well to be honest with myself.

    But I want to optimize my hormones. Wht natty supplements can I take to do that. Iíd like to elevate test, and mitigate estrogen within my bodies own endogenous ability. I was thinking something like sustain alpha, and androsterone. But it has been YEARS, since I studied anything about natty hormones. So any help I appreciate. Thanks guys.

    It feels good to be sane, and on the right track for the first time in my life.
    Last edited by tallstraw; 04-28-2018 at 10:17 AM.

  2. #2
    Established Member Feedback Score 3 (100%) tallstraw's Avatar
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    My idea is Royal Jelly, DHEA, pregnolone, androsterone, and something like Sustain Alpha. What do yíall think

  3. #3
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 Maxout777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tallstraw View Post
    My idea is Royal Jelly, DHEA, pregnolone, androsterone, and something like Sustain Alpha. What do y’all think
    I think you could utilize a lot of CDs stuff that he's posted on this forum. It's life changing stuff - and you're starting most likely in a better spot than I was when I started.

    Welcome back though, we've never spoke on this forum, but seems like we have a similar background to some degree.
    There ain't no traffic along the extra mile.

    Never Quit.

  4. #4
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 entropy's Avatar
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    Tallstraw my man I have my own problems that a few of you are aware about but excuse my typos. Cocaine is a bad one and it sounds like you may have some Peyronies induced by scarring from the misplaced bouncing slut.

    Come over to the PFS forum, you'll get better attention from us there and several of us cured our pfs ages ago and just like being better than average.

    Nothing that can't be fixed the bro, my utmost respect for asking for help, it takes a real man.
    Check cds sig for his natty male optimisation website too.

    It's good to see you hear man, even if it's not for the best reasons.
    Cervix stabbing ftw.

  5. #5
    Established Member Feedback Score 3 (100%) tallstraw's Avatar
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    To be honest. No offense to the PFS guys, but Iím not in any bad starting place at all. This is more to top off the tank. I got off the gear, didnít jerk it, stopped he coke, and let me hang low heal.. Iíd say Iím 100% now. I just would like to give my system that extra umph!

    To entropy.
    Yeah no, Iím good bro. Iím in a great place. This post was to catch up any of the old heads. I feel pretty good. I hate Portland, which wears down my mental health some.. but outside of that, Iím finally doing pretty great. I feel comfortable in my own skin finally. A lot of my anxieties from life Iíve gotten over. Iíve gotten to a very healthy place.

    Iím just trying to stick to it. Getting back and involved with the lifting community is one of them. So hereís me going for it.

    I still have some curvature when itís going soft or whatever, only sometimes. But my erections arenít affected by it.

    This whole coming back comes from a good place. Not a bad one. But Iíll head over there. If its for hormone optimization, Iíll go over there. But I donít want a Molotov cocktail approach like I see with these 20 herbs and regiments for PFS lol. Iím not looking for that at all, I want low key and easy lol. Iím just looking for one or two things to boost the good place Iím already in. And to utilize the forum to keep me on track with a passion I use to have and need to reinvolve myself with.

  6. #6
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 entropy's Avatar
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    Yo man if you start a thread over there or in men's health + ancillary cd and i will keep it low-key for the recovered guys like myself and cd and keep out all of the silly stuff.

    I'm really here for the same reasons and cd is always working on his natty optimisation. Be cool to shoot the shit. And damn if I'm glad you're doing well my friend.
    Cervix stabbing ftw.

  7. #7
    Established Member Feedback Score 3 (100%) tallstraw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropy View Post
    Yo man if you start a thread over there or in men's health + ancillary cd and i will keep it low-key for the recovered guys like myself and cd and keep out all of the silly stuff.

    I'm really here for the same reasons and cd is always working on his natty optimisation. Be cool to shoot the shit. And damn if I'm glad you're doing well my friend.
    Lmao, fucking me too. Got a BEAUTIFUL ass Finnish woman. Sheís honestly perfect for me. Getting ready to jet out of this country in 30 days and spend he next few years abroad traveling the world with her. Iím finally living my life the way Iíve talked about wanting to do it for years.

  8. #8
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 entropy's Avatar
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    Haha man some of our (European) women are fucking insane! British are hit or miss unfortunately.

    You know what, just swerve this grotty little island in your travels.
    Cervix stabbing ftw.

  9. #9
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 Swill's Avatar
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    Would have to agree with Entropy on that one, that's why I got myself an American import haha.
    WORK! CONSUME! DIE!

  10. #10
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 entropy's Avatar
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    Swill my man. Its good to see you posting too.

    Man we have some absolute A Grade stunners here, personally I've got a thing about Irish women (the hot ones) and we do have some hot "brit" women but chances are they're at least slightly watered down by the Irish or even better one of the warmer bits of Europe.

    We have a diverse ass selection of amazing women but in the flip side I swear to god we've got some thatre so fucking ugly it's unreal. Could open a can with their teeth, lives in a pink tracksuit and weigh more than Wes.
    Cervix stabbing ftw.

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