Downswings

[RickTheRuler]

the whole getting stronger without pump, carbs & all these limits literally is my passion. It makes me focus more & forces me to be more intense in the gym knowing this.. & it seems to be working cause I am progressing with weight. It’s like my mind & intent is overcompensating. The mind is powerful. I just envision myself pulling 700 like this, at this weight. I see it.. I walk into a gym 170 lbs, people look at me like an average joe till I move weight & then everyone is shocked ..

I know it’s a fucked mindset to some . I get it, why you don’t want this to end ASAP? You could be cured in 6-8 months or something.. I get it..but it’s like I’m in this shit but so positive in it as well. maybe I really do love the regimen. Here’s the really fucked part...There’s times where I find myself happier now than before this happened seriously.. it’s very brief but it happens at times..the constant working on myself does it for me regardless if my libido is down or my dick is whatever I love not worrying about anyone else & just focusing on me. Weird I know.

I just took my situation & found some type of joy & something to work towards that at the same timeis a cornerstone for recovery but also something i really Loved doing even before all this. & I’m doing it with more challenging variables..It’s impossible for me to have distractions on this journey, I find out about myself..I get to see what I’m made of .I don’t wallow in misery these days. I just think too much at times. But I don’t wallow in my condition anymore.