Figured I’d make one official thread for my progress. Don’t want to start any more threads & keep it all here. Officially..
**as you all already read a few times I crashed late March, but started protocol immediately about 5 days later..Progress has been slim to none so far.. Just riding this thing out. Any upswing is more on the mental & mood side, downswings are depression, anxiety, terrible thoughts.(going through one right now) but this time it’s not as severe as my last time mentioning this where I burst into tears a few times, but still sucks. The physical things I ignore but it’s all there. I have it all.
*As far as my sides go, if I’m being real I’m more of the worse cases of this thing, my nose got smaller & I did not notice this initially ..Weird..
*but I’m glad that I started protocol days after. I’m just thankful I began the process. I know I could have been stuck in limbo for months & years on end, potentially causing me to quit my job or end up in the hospital or something..I got on here ASAP & been on it. So it’s all about perspective on that end.
**There might have been extremely small improvements, maybe..I really don’t know, I really can’t tell, my downswing brain is typing this...but I’m just so level headed with this thing that I don’t really congratulate myself for any minuscule victory I have.

My Struggles—
Putting timelines in my head & comparing my severity of these symptoms to others & seeing how long they been on this. Example below
- Once I saw Durantula’s older thread where he mentioned the thing about the nose shrinkage, I saw that he’s been on this for more than a year, BUT he has felt Herbs early.... So in my head I went “well guess we are gonna have this thing for 3-6 years.” Then that turns to me thinking “will I even be recovered by the time I’m 27, or 30” (I just turned 23) crazy mental game going on. Then I check out Jacknaps thread & see that he’s been having sex from the start & he’s in Good place at the year mark..I sometimes take this whole thing like A 8-10 year jail sentenced based on how bad off I am.. I sometimes ask my dad how he got through his 5 year jail sentence which is like time stopping basically.. not really an accurate comparison to this type of thing but you know what I mean..

-Second Guessing

This is my second struggle but I don’t let it deter me from the regimen. Why do I second guess?? Two reasons besides it just being part of the game..

1. Money is tight so it’s tough buying organic or grass fed or wild caught...But I’ve been following the outline diet wise..I’ve been drinking organic Kefir daily bought from the store, it’s sometimes flavored (Coconut) but it has 15g added sugar. It has tons of probiotic cultures though. Again, i see people making homemeade kefir so I’m thinking that buying this from the store is not good for me. I can’t afford the organics, wild caughts, etc..*
* I eat all the food outlined with pretty much zero regard to timing & portions.. it’s all Paleo w/ Greek yoghurt,kefir, & cheese. Haven’t cheated, haven’t strayed. Obviously won’t..

2. I’m second guessing the way I went about my water fast back in March cause I feel nothing in regards to Herbs. Reminder I did a 21 day unsupervised fast which is not recommended. (225 lbs to 169) The fact that I did not do it at the clinic makes me believe I’ve started the whole thing wrong.. I worked while I fasted but that was it, just rested & cold showers..

I take 3g of Pine Pollen in the morning & sometimes take 1 or 2 of the Pine Pollen capsules at night. (Along with the rotation & daily supps ) Doesn’t the fast help you become more receptive to all this?.
* I see a lot of you feel this stuff early (which adds on to me thinking I’m gonna beat this in 4+ years, not the standard 6 months to 2.5 years) I swear I feel like I’m gonna be fighting this longer than CD did..

-despite lifting heavy, doing 150 yd sprints 2x a week, & one day of jumping & plyometrics, I’ve been gaining weight. After my fast I was 169 lbs. I’m like 185-188 now.. I haven’t started backloading cause of this.. what’s the deal?
* I am performing well in the gym strength wise for my state especially on Lower body lifts, im actually getting close to my pre Fin strength..It seems harder to get stronger on the upper body stuff for me, those gains come slower & I plateau more. All this despite the soft tissues from lack of DHT & less sweating etc..

Intense exercise, cold showers, breathing exercises, & listening to Opie & Anthony radio while I work (it’s comedy) is the only thing keeping me Sane these days. I also have not ejaculated or fapped since the crash.. not that i really had the desire to though. I plan on not busting a single nut for years. It’s a goal..

Lastly..
Look this forum has saved me. But I read a ton of your guys progress/ideas & my head starts to spin.

On one end I’m hearing that the outline is simple & eventually you get there with herbs, cold showers, diet, exercise, meditation, & optional prohormones.. rinse & repeat.. I’d put guys like CD & Maxout on this side of the spectrum. Even that Damn guy in a way is on this side

On the other end, the Jacknaps of the world & others (no disrespect lol) it’s all this outside stuff that makes me lose it. A lot of people make this toooooo cutting edge which leaves the guys who try to keep it as Simple as possible & just getting through the day in a state of doubt & confusion.

Thank you all though...& gauging where I’m at, I think September I’ll start cycling the prohormones . I thought I can get through this with herbs only, but based on my symptoms, I feel like it’s necessary. We’ll get there though..

I get it, damn rick relax.. lol, but your input is much appreciated. At my age, with my whole life ahead of me, the days are LONG..