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  1. #231
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsGo View Post
    Thank you. Ironically my friends are here, so I should feel less lonely.

    I am meeting some friends on Saturday and I can’t wait to see them.

    I used to be able to chat with some friends on demand when feeling anxious but not anymore, so I don’t have the outlet I crave. It is so hard to regulate my anxiety, even though it is less than it used to be.

    I have not worked out at all in over two months so obviously I am in a huge downswing. I need to sell my car tomorrow, set up my internet, get my business phone set up, unpack my core essential items, start throwing away / donating what I will never need, cancel my old gym, join a new gym, start going to the gym, set up my air conditioning bracket which requires a drill, set up my air conditioner (using the bracket so that it wouldn’t literally kill someone if the window opened,) start sprinting again, get a new virtual office for my business, get new stationary with new address, sign up for digital payment receipts, sign up for digital contract signature software, send out 300 letters, etc, etc. It’s a lot. I need to just do it one step at a time.

    When things are completed I should have a clean and neat apartment, cool with AC in my bedroom, fans in my other room. Work station set up. Cooking stuff set up. No boxes in my way, no clutter.

    Calls coming in a few per day. ~3 paying clients per week. ~$6,000 per week. PFS should improve. Go on dates. Meet someone good. Pursue a relationship. Enjoy the upswings with her and grow emotionally close. Hang out with friends and enjoy the city. That is what I want.

    Instead I am surrounded by boxes with a narrow path in my apartment, no internet, business not set up at all, internet not set up yet, car getting tickets and costing me parking fees, anxious, ruminating, feeling overwhelmed, feeling lonely, worried I’m too old, etc.

    So I know what I have to do but I have to find strength to do it. It will probably end up being only a few pieces of progress each day. And then over a few weeks I am up and running, whereas someone stronger would be all set up by now. But I just need to do what I need to do.
    Man, sounds like a ton. I totally understand. We moved in March, and I started working toward my masters in nursing. It seemed like as soon as I signed up this current downswing started. Now I have assignments due every week, in addition to all the other normal life stuff. Normally, I would be killing this program, and enjoying every min of it, but right now it feels like such a burden.
    You're right on when you said, "take it one step at a time". The best thing to do is put one foot in front of the other, and just get one thing done at a time. Also, keep reminding yourself this downswing will pass - that's what I keep doing. If you need to chat pm me and maybe we can set up a time. Either way, just keep pushing.

  2. #232
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    ]I’m really not doing well at all. I’m not even worrying about recovery right now, or money. I’m just not doing well. I should be excited but I’m overwhelmed with loneliness. I hope I can turn this around. I’m supposed to be seeing my friends on Saturday and I’m reaching out to so many old friends from 5 - 10 years ago.

  3. #233
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsGo View Post
    ]I’m really not doing well at all. I’m not even worrying about recovery right now, or money. I’m just not doing well. I should be excited but I’m overwhelmed with loneliness. I hope I can turn this around. I’m supposed to be seeing my friends on Saturday and I’m reaching out to so many old friends from 5 - 10 years ago.
    It'll turn around. All downswings come to an end, keep that in the forefront of your mind.

  4. #234
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsGo View Post
    ]I’m really not doing well at all. I’m not even worrying about recovery right now, or money. I’m just not doing well. I should be excited but I’m overwhelmed with loneliness. I hope I can turn this around. I’m supposed to be seeing my friends on Saturday and I’m reaching out to so many old friends from 5 - 10 years ago.
    Hey man,

    Go take a look at my thread. I think it was around March/Apr. I was seriously going through it, worse than ever before. Serious depression, probably would have been even if it wasn’t dealing w PFS. Now I feel great, the last two months have been better than ever, and things are only looking up. It will get better

    Best,

    Ratchet

  5. #235
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ratchet_V2 View Post
    Hey man,

    Go take a look at my thread. I think it was around March/Apr. I was seriously going through it, worse than ever before. Serious depression, probably would have been even if it wasn’t dealing w PFS. Now I feel great, the last two months have been better than ever, and things are only looking up. It will get better

    Best,

    Ratchet
    Thanks for the message. Yeah, I do feel better now.

    I took my Rx for klonopin for a few days 0.25mg because of the extreme anxiety I felt when I moved to a new city and apartment, and starting my own business, after 4 years at a stable but bad job.

    The klonopin knocked out my anxiety very fast, but also made me feel a bit suicidal. (!!!) I’m flushing that poison down the toilet. Suicidal thoughts is listed as a side effect of the drug. It also made me want to (and actually) desperately reach out to a bunch of friends and tell them all about my PFS thing just because I wanted to talk to someone about it.

    I’m feeling better now that the klonopin is out of my system.

  6. #236
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    Altight, this first part is off-topic. If you’re bald, trim it close or shave it all off.

    I ended up getting a hair transplant from one of the world’s top doctors (who does celebs, etc.) I had explained that I would never touch finasteride as I have lingering side effects from 9 years ago, and he believed me and said I should not take the drug ever again. I got 2,440 grafts and spent a massive amount of money for it. I am choosing at this time to not regret it, and when I got home I started feeling panicky hoping I hadn’t ruined my life or something, if it doesn’t work out.

    However I do think it has a good shot at working out. I have a Norwood 6 except a bunch of hair in the front, so that I can comb and style it to look normal from the front, but it’s thinning. They transplanted mostly in the front hairline area (and drew me a new “mature” hairline which is actually also my childhood hairline,) with recessed temples. Then they also added a bunch to the middle, and a very very light dusting to the crown area. He transplanted as though I was already completely bald in the areas he was transplanting to, so that when I do lose the remaining natural hair it should look normal. Also it’s normal to have that hair in the front and then be very thin in the back.

    I just hope that that is my final balding pattern and that I won’t get bald on the sides and then have a disconnect between my new hair and the hair that rings around the sides of my head.

    If the transplant works well then I will look a lot better. If it ends up sucking, I could shave my head and rock the FUT scar or have it implanted with FUE hairs and just carry on as a shaved head guy. Or if I had to have a visible scar on the back of my head, oh well.

    So that’s what I’m grappling with. I have to gently wet the transplanted areas each day and clean with baby shampoo (no scrubbling) until the 24th. Then more hair will grow, then I will get shock loss and lose lots of hair, then in month 3 or 4 I sould get regrowth. And month 12 sould be max regrowth. Hopefully I’ll be happy with these results and I won’t find myself chasing more nad more surgeries. If so then I will peace out and shave instead.


    Other news, I have some dates lined up! And I need to hit the gym and sprints again.

  7. #237
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    Having big problems cancelling my old RetroFitness gym membership. The contract says you can write to the HQ, which then replied that only the original club can accept the cancellation. I’m going to call the club and see if I can cancel with them by certified letter, or if they’re really going to pull some bullshit and make me take a train all the way up there to hand them a letter in person (only to be told, probably, that the owner or manager is not there and therefore it doesn’t count.) If they keep giving me the run-around I’m going to contact the Attorney General’s office and/or file a notice of arbitration with them. It will cost them thousands of dollars and they would probably rather cancel the contract than go through with that. But it’s just an annoying pain to be charge $20/mo when it should be so much easier to cancel.

    Also my old landlord is trying to pull some BS and illegally withhold part of my security deposit, so that’s fun.

    Symptom-wise I am in a downswing. Need to wait a bit longer to restart my exercising because the sweat etc is not good for my wounds and I need to take it eas until September 25th.

  8. #238
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    My anxiety is really bad. I’m feeling very overwhelmed, full of regrets, and struggling badly.

    Still having some suicidal ideation, which I can’t control. I only have my brother and a few friends I can talk to. If only I’d cancelled that stupid appointment I’d be so much better off physically and mentally. I feel like such a fuck-up.

  9. #239
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsGo View Post
    My anxiety is really bad. I’m feeling very overwhelmed, full of regrets, and struggling badly.

    Still having some suicidal ideation, which I can’t control. I only have my brother and a few friends I can talk to. If only I’d cancelled that stupid appointment I’d be so much better off physically and mentally. I feel like such a fuck-up.
    Why do you regret it so much? Has it had a chance to work yet? It might work out in your favor

  10. #240
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsGo View Post
    Having big problems cancelling my old RetroFitness gym membership. The contract says you can write to the HQ, which then replied that only the original club can accept the cancellation. I’m going to call the club and see if I can cancel with them by certified letter, or if they’re really going to pull some bullshit and make me take a train all the way up there to hand them a letter in person (only to be told, probably, that the owner or manager is not there and therefore it doesn’t count.) If they keep giving me the run-around I’m going to contact the Attorney General’s office and/or file a notice of arbitration with them. It will cost them thousands of dollars and they would probably rather cancel the contract than go through with that. But it’s just an annoying pain to be charge $20/mo when it should be so much easier to cancel.

    Also my old landlord is trying to pull some BS and illegally withhold part of my security deposit, so that’s fun.

    Symptom-wise I am in a downswing. Need to wait a bit longer to restart my exercising because the sweat etc is not good for my wounds and I need to take it eas until September 25th.
    I'm a retro member as well they are a pain to deal with.

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