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  1. #71
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    The Ultrahard insomnia is not fun, but I’m getting through it. I’m having more down days than up days lately, and I think some of that has to do with my sleep. I’ve been averaging around 5 to 5.5 hours per night, and I tend to feel awful whenever I get less than 7 hours per night on a consistent basis. I feel horrible even though I got almost 8 hours last night.

    I’m also not sure if I’m screwing up my diet. I have a lot of red lentil pasta and marinara sauce, and I’m not 100% sure if that’s okay to have. I also eat peanut butter (plain) for breakfast on most work days, because I wake up right before work and don’t have time to make anything. I’m not sure if the lentils and peanuts (which are legumes) are bad.

    I’m ususally working out 4 days per week (5 is the goal, and it’s never less than 3 days), but I haven’t been loyal with the sprints. I guess even if I make myself do 4 sets of sprints instead of 6, that will be better than nothing. I read a study where something like this did boost the T of elderly men (1 session per 5 days) so this is definitely something that will help me.

    Also read about how dehydration can raise cortisol, and that that ultimately leads to lower DHT. Need to drink more water; getting a nice glass pitcher filter thing soon. Normally I’m drinking seltzer waters throughout the day.

    Also slowly easing into the cold showers. I think the hot water from normal showers can be mildly bad for the balls; I’m not sure if cold showers are truly better than “body temperature” showers but we’ll see. I just hate shivering and feeling cold, gasping for breath, instead of having a nice, hot relaxing shower, which is usually the nicest part of my day. So replacing that with something painful will be a chore, but I can do it.

    I seem to have a lot of trouble with the whole nofap thing; I’m not sure how I’ll be able to get that fully under control and go for a month or two at a time. Earlier in this whole process it was super easy to go 10 days at a time because my libido was truly that low, so I guess it’s good that it’s at least higher than that, but still.

    Also going to re-download the Headspace meditation app, even though it’s pretty pricey. I was reading some studies that show that meditating regularly lowers your cortisol and actually does boost testosterone a bit. So these are all things I need to do.

    I just want to be recovered from all of this garbage already. Sucks when you have more downswings than upswings, and even during the upswings I usually don’t have sensitivity. But hopefully I can get everything fully on track.

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsGo View Post
    The Ultrahard insomnia is not fun, but I’m getting through it. I’m having more down days than up days lately, and I think some of that has to do with my sleep. I’ve been averaging around 5 to 5.5 hours per night, and I tend to feel awful whenever I get less than 7 hours per night on a consistent basis. I feel horrible even though I got almost 8 hours last night.

    I’m also not sure if I’m screwing up my diet. I have a lot of red lentil pasta and marinara sauce, and I’m not 100% sure if that’s okay to have. I also eat peanut butter (plain) for breakfast on most work days, because I wake up right before work and don’t have time to make anything. I’m not sure if the lentils and peanuts (which are legumes) are bad.

    I’m ususally working out 4 days per week (5 is the goal, and it’s never less than 3 days), but I haven’t been loyal with the sprints. I guess even if I make myself do 4 sets of sprints instead of 6, that will be better than nothing. I read a study where something like this did boost the T of elderly men (1 session per 5 days) so this is definitely something that will help me.

    Also read about how dehydration can raise cortisol, and that that ultimately leads to lower DHT. Need to drink more water; getting a nice glass pitcher filter thing soon. Normally I’m drinking seltzer waters throughout the day.

    Also slowly easing into the cold showers. I think the hot water from normal showers can be mildly bad for the balls; I’m not sure if cold showers are truly better than “body temperature” showers but we’ll see. I just hate shivering and feeling cold, gasping for breath, instead of having a nice, hot relaxing shower, which is usually the nicest part of my day. So replacing that with something painful will be a chore, but I can do it.

    I seem to have a lot of trouble with the whole nofap thing; I’m not sure how I’ll be able to get that fully under control and go for a month or two at a time. Earlier in this whole process it was super easy to go 10 days at a time because my libido was truly that low, so I guess it’s good that it’s at least higher than that, but still.

    Also going to re-download the Headspace meditation app, even though it’s pretty pricey. I was reading some studies that show that meditating regularly lowers your cortisol and actually does boost testosterone a bit. So these are all things I need to do.

    I just want to be recovered from all of this garbage already. Sucks when you have more downswings than upswings, and even during the upswings I usually don’t have sensitivity. But hopefully I can get everything fully on track.
    Cold showers are a craft of their own. They're NO DOUBT better then room temperature water for all of the reasons listed on TMO, but do some of your own research to cement this into your mind. Yes, they suck at first, but once you start getting used to it, the invigoration and endorphins released by learning how to properly take a cold shower can't be matched any other way. A nice trick here is to do your breathing exercises right before going into the cold shower. Your body and mind will take to it much quicker this way and you won't be gasping and freaking out so much. One of the main points of the breathing exercises coupled with cold showers are to learn to control the adrenaline rush so that you get the benefits of it without suffering the downsides. This technique when learned and applied properly are truly life changing in their own right.

    Concerning the insomnia from UH....you can either try backing down on the dose, or make sure you fully exhaust yourself during your workouts. This will eventual fade away and shouldn't be a problem once your system adjusts.

    Some sprints are better then no sprints, keep that in mind. You don't even have to sprint to get in your HIIT portion of the weekly work out. Just go online and check out some of your other options concerning this aspect of working out. (High Intensity Interval Training)

    For your water, your best option is to get one of these Definitely make sure you're staying hydrated.

    For no fap, you need to learn and research "sexual transmutation" Use that energy for other aspects of your life. When you feel like spanking it, drop and do some push ups, or pull ups, or sprint. Use the energy for something that will benefit your life and propel you forward in your journey.

    And to clarify, you're not going to feel 100% simply because your cycling. Not even close. it's just another tool in the box to get you to where you want to be. Don't get discouraged. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

    Lastly, I'm not familiar with Headspace, rather I used Holosync. Before learning of Wim's method, I meditated with this program with great success.

    You can get everything on track. Not hopefully....you WILL do it. Hopefully suggests that there are things out of your control that would have to get left to chance or luck to be completed. YOU are the only one stopping yourself.
    Total Male Optimization "People who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those that are doing it"

  3. #73
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    I’m starting to think that the UltraHard might be suppressing me a bit. It’s been almost 4 weeks now, and over the last… week and change, I guess, I’ve had a downswing. (Weirdly, I had sexual dreams but no morning wood.) I’m thinking that once I hit the 4 week mark on Sunday, that that will be enough for this cycle. I’d switched to 4 pumps but maybe that was too much for me. Maybe next time I’ll only do 3 pumps per day.

    It also seems like I tend to have downswings when I’m eating less calories.

    Before I started finasteride in 2009, I was on sertraline (Zoloft) from 2001 - 2009, and that gave me some sexual sides, but nowhere near what finasteride did. Sometimes I wonder if I have post-SSRI syndrom as well, and if that means it would take longer to recover. Part of my problem with all of this is that doctors put me on these awful drugs so young that I didn’t have a true frame of reference for what “normal” was. I could have full orgasms on Zoloft; the only sexual side was that it took longer to come. But anyway, I’m never touching that type of stuff again. I’ve had to dump therapists who wanted to argue about me going back on SSRIs etc - I lose all trust for any therapist who tries to push those pills on me, especially after all I’ve been through with PFS.

    I’ve been meditating, and I think that that’s been a positive for me. And doing cold showers, following the protocol’s guidelines for easing yourself into it over time with short periods at first. NoFap continues to be a struggle on days when I do have some libido. It always just seems to escalate from dating apps, even though the dating pool is so small up here and I need to put that energy into my new business so I can leave this lame city.

    * One thing that bothers me is that the hair on the small of my back is still barely there - maybe 75% less hair than I used to have. Pre-fin, it was dense. I’d also estimate that my pubes are probably 33 to 50% less dense than pre-fin - still. I wish it would start to fill in again.

    I’m not sure whether (gluten free) red lentil pasta is okay to eat, and I’m also not sure about rice. On the TMO website, it says to avoid grains, but under the carb backloading, it references eating gluten free pasta and rice for backloading, so I’m not sure about it. If I’m still messing up the diet then I need to fix that.

  4. #74
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    It’s been about another week. There are days when I have medium morning wood, and days when I don’t have it - today I didn’t have it.

    There are also days where I have some libido and others when I don’t have any, but it was always like that during PFS. Although the no-libido periods were generally longer in the past.

    It’s hard not to feel bad about the 12 or so wasted years and all the potential relationships that didn’t work out because of this. And my dad telling me I’m old now, washed up and all that.

    I have been meditating every day which I think is positive. I don’t know that it will help in the PFS department, but I do feel calm. I will do the program but I don’t really feel that attached to the outcome today. It’s just part of my routine, although I’m not sure if I’m truly doing it right.

    It sucks, but I missed out on the “good part” of life and will at best have to settle for what I can get, and just make peace with it. Lower my expectations and just try to do a better job with what I have. And minimize any interactions with my father - even the couple of minor ones each year make me unhappy.

    I have been doing the HIIT on the 3 days per week where I don’t lift weights. Aka what I was supposed to have been doing. I don’t notice any real difference, though.

    Also still not sure whether it is absolutely essential to do strict NoFap or not.

    And I still have no idea if the gluten free red lentil pasta, brown rice, and legumes are okay to eat.

  5. #75
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    Didn't you make noticable improvements since following the TMO protocol? For how long have you been doing it? I didn't feel much improvement after the juice feast, thus I started a water fast right now.

    I think it depends on how your digestion is at the moment and how you/your body responds after eating these foods. I recommend being very strict with your diet (no carb backloading) until your digestion is somewhat normal again and you can tolerate these foods. Personally, I would avoid all these artificial products like glutenfree pasta. Rice should be ok, aswell as potatoes.

    But I am definitely not an expert, CD or other more experienced guys know more about this.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsRecover View Post
    Didn't you make noticable improvements since following the TMO protocol? For how long have you been doing it? I didn't feel much improvement after the juice feast, thus I started a water fast right now.

    I think it depends on how your digestion is at the moment and how you/your body responds after eating these foods. I recommend being very strict with your diet (no carb backloading) until your digestion is somewhat normal again and you can tolerate these foods. Personally, I would avoid all these artificial products like glutenfree pasta. Rice should be ok, aswell as potatoes.

    But I am definitely not an expert, CD or other more experienced guys know more about this.
    I have made noticeable improvements, although sometimes I forget about them, which is part of why I’m keeping this log. But overall I feel disappointed with my progress.

    I started parts of the program in March 2019, just doing a 1 week juice feast, then the herbs, and weightlifting. I felt like I was making progress and even avoided the problem of never being able to ejaculate from sex, although I still didn’t have an orgasm.

    Around October 2019 or so I got mono for a month and had to stop working out, and I also stopped the herbs for like 1 month.

    I restarted the herbs and then I also cut gluten, and about 2 weeks later started getting morning wood every day and started getting more upswings. I think I was on a good path until March 2020 when my gym closed due to Covid and I didn’t have an effective home workout plan for 6 months. I still got morning wood every day for 3 or 4 months, but then the benefits of my lifting subsided after so many weeks without lifting at all.

    I restarted the workouts in September. And then just recently I have been meditating every day, and also doing HIIT in my non-lifting days at the gym.

    I have been eating a lot of red lentil pasta with marinara for dinners, and peanut butter regularly (not in the same meal, obviously,) as well as rice and beans or chickpeas. I know that beans and chickpeas aren’t considered paleo but I’m not sure if they would prolong PFS. I’m struggling to really understand the diet-related rules.

    I could be willing to eat egg whites if I really needed to do that for protein and had to cut out my major sources of protein if CD says I need to.

    I feel like I have excellent digestion, and I make 2 - 3 bowel movements per day with no stomach pains, indigestion, heartburn, or constipation, ever. But I am not sure if my diet is really okay.

  7. #77
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    What do you estimate how much progress did you make since starting the protocol? Why are you disappointed?

    Your story is full of ups and downs in your symptoms. Maybe the mono and the pandemic have hindered your healing process because your main downswings seemed to happen after stopping working out, right? Who knows how you felt if covid didn't happen and you could have kept going.

    How is your morning wood now after working out for 2 months? Is it back?

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by LetsRecover View Post
    What do you estimate how much progress did you make since starting the protocol? Why are you disappointed?

    Your story is full of ups and downs in your symptoms. Maybe the mono and the pandemic have hindered your healing process because your main downswings seemed to happen after stopping working out, right? Who knows how you felt if covid didn't happen and you could have kept going.

    How is your morning wood now after working out for 2 months? Is it back?
    Thanks for your reply. For me, I think the best way to describe it is symptom-by-symptom rather than an overall percentage. When I feel like I’m close to recovered, at that point I’ll have a better sense of what percentage I am, but I have no idea if it’s 25%, 50%, 60%… I just don’t know. It’s definitely not 75% because I don’t feel like I’m that close to recovered.

    I feel like I still have some mental sides; fogginess sometimes, but I’m not sure if that’s from PFS or my general poor sleep habits.

    I’ve been getting some morning wood recently, but it’s never rock-hard. And then there are also days when I don’t get morning wood at all, like when I woke up today. However, yesterday I screwed up and ate some gluten-free sugary cereal that I’d forgotten to throw out, and I think that’s what did it. I’m getting rid of the other box and I’m not buying any more. When I’m fully recovered in this area, I’ll have rock-hard morning wood 95-99% of mornings.

    Libido-wise, things are definitely better than they had been, but I have only had a few brief periods of maybe up to a week where I had pre-fin levels of libido. The last time that happened was early during Covid, even though I’d stopped working out. Having more consistent libido is something that I really miss, and I feel like it would give me so much more drive in life. Hugely important.

    And then the biggest problem for me is having non-orgasmic ejaculations - that’s been the area where I really haven’t seen consistent progress. Although, a few days ago I did actually feel some pleasure. Just enough to remind me of what it’s supposed to feel like. I’m taking it as a good sign but I want it to become consistent. My progress in this area seems to hover around 0% to 25%, usually 0%.

    I’d say I’m disappointed because I still don’t 100% know if I’m doing everything right; if there are some foods I’m eating that I should not be eating that are holding me back. The Joovv red light helps but it’s not the epic game-changer I’d hoped it would be. And I haven’t felt long stretches of consistent upswings in awhile. I feel like there must be some mistake I’ve been making that’s holding me back; I’m not sure if it’s legumes and gluten free red lentil pasta.

  9. #79
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    Okay, so I think the red lentil pasta has been messing me up badly. It’s from Barilla, and they make it on a dedicated gluten free line, so I trusted it.

    But gluten free line means it’s not a gluten free facility, which means there are wheat pasta machines in the same big room, and as millions of noodles land, glutenous dust fills the air and some gets on the red lentil noodles. It’s small enough that it still counts as gluten free, legally, but I know from experience that I am more sensitive to gluten than that. It can be up to 20 parts per million gluten and still use the gluten free label, but unfortunately that’s not good enough for my system.

    Plenty of “gluten free” things destroy my libido and morning wood for several days. One example is that “gluten free” chex cereal from a week or two ago.

    I have been buying my groceries mostly at Walmart through their app for over a year, and I scrolled through my purchase history. Right around when I started eating the red lentil pasta 5 - 6 days per week was when I had a major decline during lockdown, the one that partially reversed itself when I resumed working out.

    Previously I would eat it once or twice per week, but if it causes problems then I want to eliminate it from my diet altogether, not just restrict it to one or two days per week.

    So let’s see if, in a week or two, I start getting better morning wood and a nice upswing after removing this from my diet. I have a feeling that this could be a turning point for me where I can accelerate my healing progress.
    Last edited by LetsGo; 11-26-2020 at 12:09 AM.

  10. #80
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    I started getting better morning wood the last couple of days, where I know that I have morning wood without having to physically check. But it goes soft very quickly after I wake up. So I think cutting the “gluten free” pasta out of my diet has been a good thing.

    Libido is zero, ejaculatory anhedonia is at its maximum, and I don’t feel very energetic. Probably feel a bit foggy as well. My upswings tend to happen somewhat rarely, unfortunately, and I don’t feel like I have tons of forward momentum.

    Last night, I had a bizarre dream where CD was there giving me advice outside of my parents house for some reason, and then he drove away. So I’m probably thinking about all this stuff too much, if it’s showing up in my dreams. But I don’t want to “set it and forget it” if there are elements of my game that aren’t up to par.

    I probably need to overhaul my diet in a major way. It’s frustrating because I’d like to be able to have a life in the tail end of my youth and I just want to get past all of this stuff.
    Last edited by LetsGo; 12-05-2020 at 06:40 PM.

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