Guys. I'm in a bit of a loss. And I've been thinking about doing this here, and I know I shouldn't. I really shouldnt.. but u guys have really helped me so much through this last month, and my head is exploding and I'm just so sad.
My Mom passed away, very suddenly got ill within a week, we went from hospital to hospital in Poland and this whole healthcare system is a fucking joke. Hospitals are just fkin graveyards. I offered 20k to let her transport to Germany but they couldn't do it cuz the hospital didn't allow to pass information due to some fkd up guidelines. They just didn't do jackshit in Poland besides bloodtests till she passed away. There's so much anger, and regret. And I was so helpless the whole last week and in so much pain and struggle. Now all the hope just vanished. There is this huge hole. PFS makes my head feel like a filled bowling ball with all this stress. My Dad was so dependent on my Mother, spending every single day 24/7 together for the last 36 years. I'm not even sure if I'm more heartbroken due to the loss of my Mother or for the loss for my Dad. And here I am, a 29 year old single with fresh-PFS and a broken dick. Having pains down there even tho I'm half numb, and bending and fearing fucking calcification with rapid aging skin and these fucked up sleepissues. My gums hurt extreme all day as if someone is tearing them up combined with cancer sores and my stomach seems to be unable to digest shit.
It's just all, so much.... and I rly don't know, how to cope ..
I deleted this now 3 times.. I just don't know what to do. all this superficial shit, jobs, money, it's all so worthless
Thought that after I get out of PFS I will be finally able to actually really appreciate life, and now there's just this .. huge nothingness and fear for my Dad who just won't be able to cope.. and forgive himself
just fuck