So I think I pretty much beat PFS from RU58841. My libido is pretty much the same before I crashed (I like having sex like 3-4 times a week). Sleep pretty much the same generally like 8.5 hours is my ideal. Strength in gym same. Mentally the same. Posted this on hackstasis

Before I crashed though I was even a bit moody. I can't say for sure but I do think I'm the same mentally as to when I crashed.

I remember listening to a podcast and it was saying how there's about 8 main causes to depression so gunna research it.

Was thinking for mine main 3 causes could be 1) financially (I have my base needs covered but I haven't really sorted out career/future in this regards because I focused on other things because I had my base needs met from my family but it stifled my growth a bit in this area because I was satisfied but now I'm 29 and not in a situation to really have my own home / family etc without really compromising on my ideal standards. Also just general anxiety because seemingly far from doing something professionally that pays that I can endure for a long time). So that anxiety

Second, could be just I don't have as solid of a routine and I'm experimenting a lot which can lead to chaos (not always having a set wake up time, partying, I still follow cdnuts protocol but yes I party on top of that and not super rigid schedule because like I said i'm experimenting with finding a balance right now that makes me happy).

Third, maybe slightly biochemical? I think I was always pretty moody my parents said what else is new which leads me to think that perhaps us with PFS already had low neurosteroids and lend to be more artist types? We feel thing more because we have less neurosteroids. More sensitive if you will. Another PFS sufferer who crashed similar time to me (he recovered from Remeron actually) noted the same theory that we have low neurosteroids.

I feel good right now but earlier in the day I had a feeling of depression. I had a lot of stimulants though so perhaps it was the anxiety from the stimulants. I have to monitor it better. I have periods of joy throughout my life though so I guess maybe more like moody or even bipolar. Not sure. Insights?

Also note I do try to be grateful everyday for my recovery but yeah it's easy to forget (I have a gratitude practice but even still it's easy to really FORGET I'm bringing myself back there though and thankful.) I think also my parents not really believing my PFS though so they don't realize how far i've come they want me to just get on with shit but not realizing that like I almost came back from the dead.