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Thread: Depression?

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    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    Depression?

    So I think I pretty much beat PFS from RU58841. My libido is pretty much the same before I crashed (I like having sex like 3-4 times a week). Sleep pretty much the same generally like 8.5 hours is my ideal. Strength in gym same. Mentally the same. Posted this on hackstasis

    Before I crashed though I was even a bit moody. I can't say for sure but I do think I'm the same mentally as to when I crashed.

    I remember listening to a podcast and it was saying how there's about 8 main causes to depression so gunna research it.

    Was thinking for mine main 3 causes could be 1) financially (I have my base needs covered but I haven't really sorted out career/future in this regards because I focused on other things because I had my base needs met from my family but it stifled my growth a bit in this area because I was satisfied but now I'm 29 and not in a situation to really have my own home / family etc without really compromising on my ideal standards. Also just general anxiety because seemingly far from doing something professionally that pays that I can endure for a long time). So that anxiety

    Second, could be just I don't have as solid of a routine and I'm experimenting a lot which can lead to chaos (not always having a set wake up time, partying, I still follow cdnuts protocol but yes I party on top of that and not super rigid schedule because like I said i'm experimenting with finding a balance right now that makes me happy).

    Third, maybe slightly biochemical? I think I was always pretty moody my parents said what else is new which leads me to think that perhaps us with PFS already had low neurosteroids and lend to be more artist types? We feel thing more because we have less neurosteroids. More sensitive if you will. Another PFS sufferer who crashed similar time to me (he recovered from Remeron actually) noted the same theory that we have low neurosteroids.

    I feel good right now but earlier in the day I had a feeling of depression. I had a lot of stimulants though so perhaps it was the anxiety from the stimulants. I have to monitor it better. I have periods of joy throughout my life though so I guess maybe more like moody or even bipolar. Not sure. Insights?

    Also note I do try to be grateful everyday for my recovery but yeah it's easy to forget (I have a gratitude practice but even still it's easy to really FORGET I'm bringing myself back there though and thankful.) I think also my parents not really believing my PFS though so they don't realize how far i've come they want me to just get on with shit but not realizing that like I almost came back from the dead.
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

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    Excessive sex, drugs, etc. can all cause mood swings. I'm currently living like a saint and my mood is much more stable.

    So it's a trade off. You get the high highs from the drugs, partying, girls, etcetera and also the lows that come with it.

    I have lived both ways and both are nice ways to live. Got to balance it out and it depends what you want.

    Maybe take breaks from that lifestyle once in a while it, can wear you out. Like a month or two months of nothing but clean living, building the body, building a business (if you want to), etcetera.

    Or make some rules for yourself. Only partying allowed if you do "this". Use sex/partying/etc. as a way to reward yourself for something good.

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    SwoleSource Member Feedback Score 0 Bankai9000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Goat View Post
    Excessive sex, drugs, etc. can all cause mood swings. I'm currently living like a saint and my mood is much more stable.

    So it's a trade off. You get the high highs from the drugs, partying, girls, etcetera and also the lows that come with it.

    I have lived both ways and both are nice ways to live. Got to balance it out and it depends what you want.

    Maybe take breaks from that lifestyle once in a while it, can wear you out. Like a month or two months of nothing but clean living, building the body, building a business (if you want to), etcetera.

    Or make some rules for yourself. Only partying allowed if you do "this". Use sex/partying/etc. as a way to reward yourself for something good.
    Absolutely love that comment.
    I think accepting a no-high no-low lifestyle is the first step to "heal" yourself. The moment I feel better the same time my shitty habits come kicking in, already wondered last days if I'm even craving the lows and not actually the highs lol. Probably both.
    Life flies by with noone of those, and it's scary. 29 aswell with no stable family of my own, just living healthy and going to sleep early feels like I'm "wasting" my time. Because nothing extraordinary happens. It's not easy to get out of that pickin up girls and partying lifestyle with no stable woman. Worst is with 29 my expectations of a life partner are even higher than ever before. Guess trying to hype up your life without alc and during the day is key, but idk how to do that honestly XD

    To the routine stuff, I try to make a list of goals which actually make me happy. It shows me for MYSELF that I'm wasting my time (even if productive) with stuff that won't make me happy in the long run, which then leads me falling back into old shitty habits.
    Tried to write down all habits to achieve goals into "dontbreakthechain.com", for 2+ years I'm trying to make that shiet stick, some did some still didn't. Whenever I follow routine, I'm happy, happier, more confident and definitely healthier, but yet after several days I crave that chaos and stress. What to do XD


    edit: I think living like this is like an "experience" from my earlier years. I partied hard between 16-18, then started gym. Then weird martial arts and lastly got into kickboxing which took over my life for over a year.
    It was just gym 2x a week and 3x a week kickboxing, with sometimes meeting friends in the garden to box some more, school, healthy eatin and sleep.
    It was a great time with a brotherhood feeling. But in retrospect nothing happened, I met noone signifant, I was just living, noone of these connections did stick for life. While same time there are people I haven't talked to in years and got drunk with I'd risk my right testicle for those ppl in an instant, and I'm 200% sure they'd do the same for me.
    But as The Goat says, probably gotta try to do it for 1-2months, with no slips.

    uf throwin all that out and readin helped, thanks^^
    Last edited by Bankai9000; 3 Weeks Ago at 04:58 AM.

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    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    yeah anytime I do drugs and stuff it's usualy when i'm working on my music or doing goal oriented pickup so it's not like completely degeneracy more like performance enhancing.

    great point goat yeah highs and lows as body claws for homeostasis. Might do like a sober october challenge too to verify that hypothesis with experience. yeah cuz even in recovery my mood much mroe stabler even tho I was like 80% recovered compared to my 100% recovered now lol. but yeah I love being at a 10/10 vs. like a 7/10 everyday but to get that 10/10 gotta have some 5/10s I guess no biological free lunch perhaps lmao
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

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    So you got pfs from RU58841? Is that chemically similar to fin? Is it a 5-ar inhibitor too?

    I do think a lot of us had naturally low neurosteroids as well. I was prone to depression before crashing, as was my father.

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    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slader1 View Post
    So you got pfs from RU58841? Is that chemically similar to fin? Is it a 5-ar inhibitor too?

    I do think a lot of us had naturally low neurosteroids as well. I was prone to depression before crashing, as was my father.
    yeah back to normal pretty much but I'm still and was moody before this. Gunna cold shower in a bit trying to troubleshoot how to get myself to do it more often. Pipes are frozen in Toronto right now so it's a real bitch doing it winter here ice cold! feels glorious after though. Wonder the minimum effective dose. I heard 3-5 minutes is sweet spot like medicine. I've done 10 minutes before too.
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jacknap View Post
    yeah back to normal pretty much but I'm still and was moody before this. Gunna cold shower in a bit trying to troubleshoot how to get myself to do it more often. Pipes are frozen in Toronto right now so it's a real bitch doing it winter here ice cold! feels glorious after though. Wonder the minimum effective dose. I heard 3-5 minutes is sweet spot like medicine. I've done 10 minutes before too.
    I just read a bit about RU58841. It looks like it blocks DHT receptors. That is different from fin, which inhibits 5-ar. I don't know that you would have experienced the low allopregnenelone that guys with pfs have. That part is what I think is largely responsible for the headaches and nerve pain. Did you experience that?

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    A 1k Club Member Feedback Score 0 jacknap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slader1 View Post
    I just read a bit about RU58841. It looks like it blocks DHT receptors. That is different from fin, which inhibits 5-ar. I don't know that you would have experienced the low allopregnenelone that guys with pfs have. That part is what I think is largely responsible for the headaches and nerve pain. Did you experience that?
    I had everything PFS guys and more with RU. I had seizures too thought I had brain damage. But all Gucci now pretty much Fact that I got it from RU was even scarier because barely anyone has used it compared to fin.
    From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.

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    you had muscle wasting and weakness? gastroparesis? complete loss of libido? hour-glass dick? crippling anxiety every single day? dry, thinning skin?
    Last edited by basementdweller; 1 Day Ago at 09:23 AM.
    As long as there is life there is hope

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