dogglaw's log.. looking for hope and guidance

[dogglaw]

hey guys, long time lurker and first time poster here. i'll start this off by heaping a big thank you to cd, as well as to guys like jacknap, master mal, ricktheruler, and any other regular here who doesn't have to spend time helping people out of the shit show that pfs is, but does so anyways. you guys are invaluable.

unfortunately, i'm starting this log and posting right now out of a sense of concern for where i find myself at this moment. but, before i get there, please allow me to communicate the parts of this journey that i think are worth mentioning.

first things first, im pretty damn young. i actually first got pfs when i was 18. my freshman year of college. im 19 now. needless to say, its been a weird experience that no one around, even my closest friends, can really understand. it is what it is.

i started taking the shit september 2018, noticed a scary and steady decline, and stopped taking it april 2019. you guys know what this part is like, its no fucking good. i spent about two months in a hellish, lethargic, foggy place, not knowing what to do and reading all of the wrong articles. it was this forum and the protocol that offered me a sort of light at the end of the tunnel, so now i'm coming back to it with some questions of my own.

second half of june i got on the protocol, starting with a week long juice feast, and it was slow, but i was getting better. it was a rough summer, but i put in the time and started the protocol.

by the end of the summer, i had added a few pieces to the protocol and this was what i was looking at

cold showers
11 herb rotation
veggie juice with 2-3 teaspoons of pine pollen every morning
vitamin d
niacinamide
vitamin bounty pro 50 prebiotic
200 mg caffeine
200 mg l theanine
cutting out gluten
meditation
glycine mixed w chamomile tea
weight training 4 times a week with run and sauna afterwards

i made steady gains running this, getting to the point where i no longer felt anxious. sleep was still tricky, but i had gotten my quick thoughts, sense of humor, and musical inclination back. i felt attractive and i was getting along with the ladies. i hardly ever came back to check the forum and was able to shake out the pfs mindset. i wasn't perfect, as i was still having difficulty concentrating on things like schoolwork, but i thought things would be okay and that the worst of it all was behind me.

because of this, i let myself drink a few times throughout the semester. being a college student in the city, i felt this pressure that i had to go out and live the young mans life, and so i did. i know now that this was a bad call. towards the end of the semester, i had run out of my pine pollen powder and my probiotics. because i don't have very much money, it took me a while to restock. without those things, i didn't feel great but i didn't feel anywhere nearly as bad as i had before. i got home for the break and slowly got worse. i blamed it on lack of stimulation and a stressful family situation, and those two things probably had a role, but i know that i should've been on top of my nutrition more. as i don't have a car, i haven't been hitting the gym very much, and i drank way too much around new years.

a week after new years, i feel as if i've crashed again. the awful lethargy is back and the brain fog is too. i feel crushed. i know im strong enough to weather the storm but this has been a huge test. i don't mean to send a long post to the tune of 'woe is me,' but i feel really demoralized and need hope and guidance. to have gone through that journey before and be back at this place is really scary.

i recently restocked on pine pollen, have been making my morning juice again, and started trying jarrow's s boulardii probiotic. what do you guys think of my situation? my biggest concern right now is that i go back to university pretty soon and i want to be in okay health over there. do you guys have any suggestions for supplements that i should add? additionally, should i do a fast before i go back? i feel like im back in the crash state and its killing me.

thank you for taking the time to read this. any words of wisdom that you guys might have for me are more than welcomed.