Ratchet’s Story & Recovery

[Ratchet]

Intelligent people learn from their own mistakes; wise people learn from the mistakes of others.

I would like to start my thread by thanking most of you on this forum for creating a community that’s extremely supportive and conducive to healing. It’s only through the sum total of your trial & error, determination, and persistence that guys like me can effectively combat PFS and not drown in it. I would also like to refer everyone here to the expression above, in order to reiterate the importance of utilizing the experience of those who came before us. This expression has served me well throughout my life, and it’s been foundational to my recovery so far.

A little bit of background about me:

I’m 24. I’m from the USA. I took 67 pills (1mg/day) of generic finasteride starting 08/2019 and ending on 10/11/2019, a date that I’ll remember for a very long time. I’ve always been a health-forward individual, and I practiced many of the components of this protocol prior to my PFS. I’m an avid athlete who enjoys freestyle skiing and downhill mountain biking, and I’ve competed in CrossFit competitions at the regional level. Over the past decade, I’m also very fortunate to have surrounded myself with exceptional nutritionists and athletes that helped me develop a solid diet and exercise regimen before my PFS. That doesn’t mean I haven’t adjusted and tailored my diet since then, but I’m also already accustomed to certain disciplines that others here might struggle with (i.e. no gluten, dairy, etc.). At the risk of sounding like a cocky douche, this is all to say that I ran parallel to this protocol prior to fully embracing it, and I full-heartedly believe it’s why, despite dealing with all of the sides from PFS (which I go into below), I’ve experienced/made such significant improvements in a relatively short period of time.

My story:

My story is much the same. I’ve dealt with, and continue to deal with, almost all of the sides associated with PFS to varying degrees. Though, I can honestly say that, directionally, I’ve improved in almost all areas.

So, 67 pills. I experienced the sore/swollen nuts and watery ejaculate first, about a week and half after beginning treatment. I was in a long distance relationship at the time, and my girlfriend visited over Labor Day weekend. I was told about the possibility of these “mild” side effects, and they subsided, so I continued treatment. My girlfriend visited again a month later, and the desensitization of my dick was much more noticeable this time around. During our time spent together, I was either cumming too quick or not cumming at all, and the volume and consistency of my jizz had changed as well. Nevertheless, my hair was already returning with a thickness and health that I hadn’t seen in a long time. My energy levels and gains improved too, probably due to my inflated test level, and I actually felt quite good, so I continued treatment. It wasn’t until a blowout engagement party/weekend, filled with copious amounts of booze and blow, that everything really turned south and the more symptomatic sides set in. I could not concentrate. I could not recall words. I could hardly remember what day it was. I was shell-shocked. Almost overnight, I had turned into a dull, dumb, slow twat. I attributed it to my hangover, which part of it was, but this marked, without a doubt, the beginning of my more troublesome sides and PFS nightmare. I began experiencing uncharacteristic mood swings and panic attacks, shortly thereafter. Things as innocuous as a dog barking in my ear would send me into bouts of anger/rage. I remember asking my mom, “Why am I so angry right now?”. I would have unwarranted, spontaneous panic attacks while driving that would force me to pull over. I’d never experienced any of this, and I was genuinely mindfucked. After experiencing a mild headache and serious tinnitus for a few days, I googled it.

Words of wisdom: Don’t go to PH. If you’re reading this, chances are that you already have and don’t need me to tell you this. I owe a lot to some of the members on PH, and many of them put immense amounts of well-intentioned effort into helping our community. I plan on submitting my 23andme results and contributing in various other ways in the future. But, FUCK THAT FORUM. It will trigger you. It will stress you out. One way or another, it will set you back.

After discovering PH and the horror stories online, I was spun for weeks. I consulted my dermatologist, discontinued fin, and awaited my impending doom. My first crash happened about a week after discontinuation. I woke up shivering, and my temp read 95 degrees. I went to the gym and used another thermometer that clocked me at 94.7. I was smacked. The blurry vision ensued. The insomnia ensued (before, I was able to sleep a full eight uninterrupted), and I began waking up exactly four hours after falling asleep, followed by tossing and turning and waking up every hour thereafter. I received the entire sexual dysfunction pack, complete with the brain/ball disconnect and no nocturnals or morning woods. I developed the typical shrinkage and veins that are commonly reported, and I watched my healthy buddy decay into a decrepit, gray, sad little thing. My nuts shrunk, and I’m convinced that I lost some girth when erect as well. Length seems to be intact. My nutsack also did/does that unassisted dance, and it deviates between looking like a turkey’s neck and touching the floor to being so tucked up that it’s almost nonexistent. I also had issues being in high-traffic, public places, and the “thinking through a blanket” analogy for brain fog fits my experience with it very well. I had difficulty speaking, and I’d sometimes slur my “s” words. I’d lose track of my train of thought mid-sentence, and I couldn’t form a single cogent, complete thought or argument. Whether its OCD or PFS, I’ve also had music playing in my head since I crashed. I can change the song to whatever I want, but it’s always there, unless I am truly engaged with my surroundings. I had the “twitches”, the “floaters”, and the dry skin. I was even so constipated (first time in my life) that my girlfriend had to give me a fuckin’ enema. Bless her heart. I’m anemic, hypoxemic when I sleep (sleep study results), and I experience intermittent periods of jaundice in my hands (my ALT/ASTs have increased from the low to high end of the range). I’m probably missing some things, but it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme here.

For the past three and a half months, I’ve done the PFS dance. I’ve seen multiple GPs and specialists, and I’ve done all of the tests. I was diagnosed with “mild” secondary hypogonadism and Peyronie’s disease (I developed the fabled “hourglass” and my cock started to kink hard left), and I was prescribed lorazepam, tadalafil, and pentoxifylline. I was also offered numerous SSRIs, to which I declined. I played around with the lorazepam, but all that it really did was jack up my memory some more. I took the tadalafil and pentox for about a week, before I elected to forgo all pharmaceuticals in my quest for recovery. I also stepped down as an analyst for a private wealth advisory firm and began working as a warehouse employee and a ski patroller. I find both of these stress-free and enjoyable and a nice balance to my recovery.

And that’s where I’m currently at. I would like to add that I’m in a huge downswing at the moment as well. A lot of my symptoms resurfaced today, despite a lot of gradual improvement, sleeping for a full seven hours uninterrupted for the first time in almost four months last night, and little deviation from the protocol. I did suffer a full-blown concussion last week (diagnosed), so I know that’s playing a role, as I have been unable to exercise or do anything really. My girlfriend and I decided to split last weekend too, so it could be residual stress. Who knows? I’ve also been dosing myself with ~700mg of magnesium a night these past few weeks, and it doesn’t help that I discovered some obscure thread by @Paigedol today, or something along those lines, describing what seemed to be an earth-shattering crash from nightly magnesium and glycine supplementation. Would love to hear thoughts on this.

I began the true protocol earlier this month with a five day water fast (cut short by a winter storm I just had to ski ). I have not started cycling herbs yet, but I have been taking ashwaghanda and MACA powder since I crashed, as I took them prior to my PFS. I don’t have any intention of R-Andro at the moment, but I don’t know what the future holds.

I'm full of insight and have many recommendations that I could go into, but I’m also tired of writing. There’s way too much to put down in a comprehensive post. I’d rather just go into detail through interaction here.

And with that, I’d like to open the floor to all comments, questions, and concerns. I look forward to dealing with you boys during my journey.

Ratchet