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  1. #1
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    Red face My story and road to recovery - Mojo

    Hi everyone,

    My story on Finasteride
    Took it for 1 month, dosing 1mg every 3 days. Finally felt ecstatic about doing something about my hair loss. Started shedding at 25, I'm 31 now.
    2 weeks in I noticed my sleep deteriorating rapidly for no reason and started having creeping anxiety issues and feelings of doom.
    Googled fin side effects after a month and god help me I ended up on PH, entering the worst period of my life.
    Stopped cold turkey and dreaded so much about a coming crash that I basically walked myself into a major panic attack about a week after my last dose.

    First 3 months
    A complete roller coaster of mental issues. Intense anxiety attacks followed up by major depressive episodes and suicidal ideation every single day. In between I'd have days of weird brain pressure and a strange feeling of "empty eye sockets".
    My digestion was shot to hell and I couldn't feel my member let alone gain erections. My hands would go cold and numb at times and my heart was pounding in my chest, keeping me up at night. If I did get sleep it was never longer than 2 hours.
    From time to time I felt as if I was coming down with a major flu, more on that later.
    Erections actually came back after a few weeks but at this point I could not care less as my brain was a pitch black pit.
    For some reason my body was in a constant state of high energy. I walked 20km a day and never felt that soothing feeling of calmness or tiredness. Sleep felt more like falling unconscious than comfortably dosing off.
    After reading about PFS, and the stigma it carried with it, I never made the effort of trying specialized doctors. I'm lucky my GP is very compassionate and assisted me all the way to check me up and just listen to my story.

    My first blood work was done in the first few weeks post crash. Everything came back normal, although we didn't check hormonals as, by his words, they would not clarify much having no baseline to begin with.
    I geared myself up for recovery by moving around a lot, eating healthy (I was on keto even before fin) and seeing my parents / friends often. I cut out all gluten, remaining sugars and caffeine.
    I did get obsessed by finding that magical cure and spent a few hundred euros on supplements I didn't need, but at least I did no further damage to my body.

    Month 3-6
    My severe anxiety attacks settled into a general feeling of constant moderate to strong anxiety paired with an elevated heart rate. A feeling of despair and hopelessness followed me around all this time.
    I asked my GP for a psychiatrist referral, who then put me on 15mg of mirtazapine to help me fix my sleep. I'm not allowed to be on SSRI's due to my job and he agreed to assist me in a "more natural" recovery.
    Mirtazapine didn't do that much it seemed at first but my sleep did improve slowly, being able to sleep 4-5 hours uninterrupted at this point.
    My libido came back to it's original state around month 4, which did help me further chip away at my anxiety.
    I developed a stable baseline, which was still bad, but at least less so than being on this hellish brain roller coaster.
    Anxiety attacks gave way to sporadic adrenaline rushes and feelings I can't otherwise describe as tiny heart orgasms.

    Second blood work ordered by my psych came back with a few surprises:
    - Cholesterol shot up dramatically, but so did my good cholesterol so at least no real issues there yet
    - My TSH shot up from 3 to 5.5, well out of normal range
    - I had recent antibodies to CMV, a virus I had during my childhood. Probably due to a weakened immune system it flared back up, most definitely explaining why I felt sick often post crash

    Near the end of month 6, a few weeks before arriving here, my situation was as followed: constant moderate anxiety, light to moderate depression, broken unrefreshing sleep, and loose stool.

    My situation now
    Let me start of that finding this forum and the prevailing air of optimism and big dick energy was extremely refreshing after lurking PH for a few months. (I will never set foot in that place again)
    Immediately after reading some topics I felt I had positive thoughts about my condition and renewed energy.
    I don't like expressing my state in percentages as it feels a bit obsessive (maybe people with obsessive tendencies lean into "PFS" more often?) but here goes:
    I'm at a good 75% now, my low being 30%, now gearing up to give it everything to go well past 100%!

    My followup blood work to check up my thyroids for subclinical hypothyroidism came back with another surprise: my TSH is now back down to 2.9. So my body is giving me the green light for full recovery :-)

    Just finished a 3 day water fast and started a 7 day juice fast. Getting used to cold showers and meditating more often. Got some herbs ordered to cycle after and just keep doing what I was doing.

    Some thoughts
    During my first few months my mother told me she had a major hypochondrial episode at the age of 30 (around my age). She was convinced she had cancer and was dying. This was caused by bottled up anxiety concerning her mothers fight and death to cancer at a young age.
    She expressed many of the same symptoms I was going through. She even had CMV flare up again just like me.
    This makes me echo the thought that a lot of what I'm going through is at least partly due to severe health anxiety.
    Finasteride may have rocked the boat in a brutal way, but convincing myself I was going to drown 24/7 did not do me any favors.

    I've been living inside my own head for months and PFS has been taking center stage for too long now. This post has been therapeutic but I most likely wont be a very active poster.
    I do promise I'll return to post about a full recovery. Maybe that will help others with my symptoms find a bit of calm and hope.

    Keep that big dick energy going, and thanks for that extra bit of motivation and optimism I dearly needed.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mojo View Post
    Hi everyone,

    My story on Finasteride
    Took it for 1 month, dosing 1mg every 3 days. Finally felt ecstatic about doing something about my hair loss. Started shedding at 25, I'm 31 now.
    2 weeks in I noticed my sleep deteriorating rapidly for no reason and started having creeping anxiety issues and feelings of doom.
    Googled fin side effects after a month and god help me I ended up on PH, entering the worst period of my life.
    Stopped cold turkey and dreaded so much about a coming crash that I basically walked myself into a major panic attack about a week after my last dose.

    First 3 months
    A complete roller coaster of mental issues. Intense anxiety attacks followed up by major depressive episodes and suicidal ideation every single day. In between I'd have days of weird brain pressure and a strange feeling of "empty eye sockets".
    My digestion was shot to hell and I couldn't feel my member let alone gain erections. My hands would go cold and numb at times and my heart was pounding in my chest, keeping me up at night. If I did get sleep it was never longer than 2 hours.
    From time to time I felt as if I was coming down with a major flu, more on that later.
    Erections actually came back after a few weeks but at this point I could not care less as my brain was a pitch black pit.
    For some reason my body was in a constant state of high energy. I walked 20km a day and never felt that soothing feeling of calmness or tiredness. Sleep felt more like falling unconscious than comfortably dosing off.
    After reading about PFS, and the stigma it carried with it, I never made the effort of trying specialized doctors. I'm lucky my GP is very compassionate and assisted me all the way to check me up and just listen to my story.

    My first blood work was done in the first few weeks post crash. Everything came back normal, although we didn't check hormonals as, by his words, they would not clarify much having no baseline to begin with.
    I geared myself up for recovery by moving around a lot, eating healthy (I was on keto even before fin) and seeing my parents / friends often. I cut out all gluten, remaining sugars and caffeine.
    I did get obsessed by finding that magical cure and spent a few hundred euros on supplements I didn't need, but at least I did no further damage to my body.

    Month 3-6
    My severe anxiety attacks settled into a general feeling of constant moderate to strong anxiety paired with an elevated heart rate. A feeling of despair and hopelessness followed me around all this time.
    I asked my GP for a psychiatrist referral, who then put me on 15mg of mirtazapine to help me fix my sleep. I'm not allowed to be on SSRI's due to my job and he agreed to assist me in a "more natural" recovery.
    Mirtazapine didn't do that much it seemed at first but my sleep did improve slowly, being able to sleep 4-5 hours uninterrupted at this point.
    My libido came back to it's original state around month 4, which did help me further chip away at my anxiety.
    I developed a stable baseline, which was still bad, but at least less so than being on this hellish brain roller coaster.
    Anxiety attacks gave way to sporadic adrenaline rushes and feelings I can't otherwise describe as tiny heart orgasms.

    Second blood work ordered by my psych came back with a few surprises:
    - Cholesterol shot up dramatically, but so did my good cholesterol so at least no real issues there yet
    - My TSH shot up from 3 to 5.5, well out of normal range
    - I had recent antibodies to CMV, a virus I had during my childhood. Probably due to a weakened immune system it flared back up, most definitely explaining why I felt sick often post crash

    Near the end of month 6, a few weeks before arriving here, my situation was as followed: constant moderate anxiety, light to moderate depression, broken unrefreshing sleep, and loose stool.

    My situation now
    Let me start of that finding this forum and the prevailing air of optimism and big dick energy was extremely refreshing after lurking PH for a few months. (I will never set foot in that place again)
    Immediately after reading some topics I felt I had positive thoughts about my condition and renewed energy.
    I don't like expressing my state in percentages as it feels a bit obsessive (maybe people with obsessive tendencies lean into "PFS" more often?) but here goes:
    I'm at a good 75% now, my low being 30%, now gearing up to give it everything to go well past 100%!

    My followup blood work to check up my thyroids for subclinical hypothyroidism came back with another surprise: my TSH is now back down to 2.9. So my body is giving me the green light for full recovery :-)

    Just finished a 3 day water fast and started a 7 day juice fast. Getting used to cold showers and meditating more often. Got some herbs ordered to cycle after and just keep doing what I was doing.

    Some thoughts
    During my first few months my mother told me she had a major hypochondrial episode at the age of 30 (around my age). She was convinced she had cancer and was dying. This was caused by bottled up anxiety concerning her mothers fight and death to cancer at a young age.
    She expressed many of the same symptoms I was going through. She even had CMV flare up again just like me.
    This makes me echo the thought that a lot of what I'm going through is at least partly due to severe health anxiety.
    Finasteride may have rocked the boat in a brutal way, but convincing myself I was going to drown 24/7 did not do me any favors.

    I've been living inside my own head for months and PFS has been taking center stage for too long now. This post has been therapeutic but I most likely wont be a very active poster.
    I do promise I'll return to post about a full recovery. Maybe that will help others with my symptoms find a bit of calm and hope.

    Keep that big dick energy going, and thanks for that extra bit of motivation and optimism I dearly needed.


    Your story basically mirrors mine, you'll be fine bud. We'll be here if you need support, but follow what's outlined and be patient.

  3. #3
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    3 week update

    My fast fixed my intestinal problems. Also, juicing was a fun thing to do and I'll do it again in the future.
    Near the end of my fast my sleep got a lot worse and I had a very bad downswing that lasted a small week. Anxiety shot up drastically and started feeling feverish.
    I noticed Mirtazapine pooped out on me and started causing severe lethargy in the morning together with some weird phenomenon called Hypnagogia, where you start dreaming immediately upon closing the eyes near the onset of sleep, basically inhibiting sleep as the brain is too active.
    Started tapering down for 1 week from 15mg to 7.5mg and then stopped altogether. I've been off Mirtazapine for a week now and seem to have avoided any symptoms of withdrawal.
    Sleep was gone for a day or 2, probably due to psychosomatic effects, but it has returned to 5-7 hours of fairly unrefreshing sleep.
    Had a very nice upswing lasting a few days where I felt energetic and even happy (which has not happened a whole lot this last half a year).

    The protocol:
    - Cold showers are the best. I instantly feel the anxiety and depression lifting. Unfortunately its summer and pipe water isn't really that cold so the cold shock wears off after just a few seconds.
    - Skin brushing feels nice, especially with the cold water.
    - Started doing breathing exercises throughout the day. Especially helps when feeling anxious at work. The Wim Hoff method feels a bit weird to me, so I'm sticking with the 4-7-8 for now.
    - Still not meditating enough, even though I can definitely tell it helps when I do it. Should do this more.
    - Cycling 8 herbs and taking pine pollen daily. Off them all I feel MACA gives me the best boost.
    - Lifting 3 days a week, sometimes go running in between.

    What I should improve
    - Meditate more often
    - Cut down on masturbation
    - Reduce screen time before bed
    - Cut down nicotine usage. I stopped altogether after my first crash but picked it up again few months ago as it helped me through strong bouts of anxiety.
    - Need to do something about my right hamstring that has been causing me pain for 4 months now. Maybe stretching or yoga.

    Situation right now
    Feeling optimistic! Apart from a strong downswing I feel like I have already improved on the protocol.
    My anxiety is still present, in a mild to moderate form. Irritability and stress resilience had improved a bit.
    Went down from 17 to 10 on the Hamilton depression scale these last months.
    Thoughts of suicide have dissipated mostly and only coming up as an afterthought during difficult moments.
    Sleep still sucks but at least its a bad 7-8 hours opposed to a bad 4-5 hours it used to be. I tend to wake up often and sleep remains shallow.

    I'm very happy I kicked the Mirtazapine. I would love to go through life drug free and the motivation to do so and end up better than before PFS is giving me a lot of mental energy.

  4. #4
    SwoleSource Member Feedback Score 0 DefRecover's Avatar
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    Sounds like great progress already buddy! Keep it up and you will get to your destination in no time...

  5. #5
    Established Member Feedback Score 0 Bankai9000's Avatar
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    Ill chime in later but just did that hamilton scale and it showed 25"Severe depression" ahahaha I don't think I even feel that depressed LOL XDD

  6. #6
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    So about a week after stopping Mirtazapine, anxiety and insomnia unfortunately decided to rear its ugly head. Last 4 days I've been getting 4 hours of sleep maximum, usually consisting of a stretch of 2 hours of nightmare fueled dreams followed by getting half an hour here and there between waking up.
    Stress has been unbearable and daytime napping is completely out of the question. My last mirtazapine dose was 15 days ago now and it is extremely discouraging to be back at initial crash levels of sleep. Wish I could know whether it is a PFS downswing or mirtazapine withdrawal and the vagueness of it all is slowly driving me insane.
    I have some left over .5MG XR xanax laying around and they usually ensured me to have a full night sleep in the past but that seemed to stop working now.
    One upside is my mood is still relatively good if I can look past the sleep deprivation symptoms and I'm having no intense anxiety / fear / panic episodes like I did post crash.

    My sleep stack consists of:
    - magnesium citrate
    - glycine
    - zizyphus extract
    - melatonin drops
    - CBD drops

    Honestly the psychological aspect of this is running me down. I know for a fact that I've been doing better and better every month, especially this last month on the protocol, but when I go down I'm always ending up second guessing my recovery and telling me I was just fooling myself.
    Wish I had never taken mirtazapine. At least then I'd be able to track my PFS recovery without muddying the waters.

    I'm giving it a month. But after that I don't know if I'm strong enough to deny myself going back on a lower dose of mirtazapine.

  7. #7
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    My sleep also got back to bad after quitting mirtazapine so it's probably your real pfs sleep your experiencing now.

  8. #8
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    Ehh I’d say my sleep was a lot better than whatever this is just before I got on the mirt. I was usually able to knock out an hour or 4-5 in one go. Waking up after 2 and then tossing and turning through terrible anxiety is something I had in the first 1 or 2 months of PFS. You sure you didn’t get some rebound anxiety from withdrawing? The withdrawal duration seems to be all over the place for different people. Some get a few nights of bad sleep, others experience crushing anxiety and insomnia for months.

    In all honesty mirtazapine never seemed to do much for me, apart from some unwanted side effects. (Unless my progress these last 3 months was due to mirt, in which case I don’t know if it might be better to go back on and withdraw later when I feel PFS is under control). It feels as if my brain decided mirt wasn’t going to be very helpful but at the same time primed me up for withdrawal either way. Very frustrating.
    Last edited by Mojo; 09-03-2020 at 10:43 AM.

  9. #9
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    Yeah right off mirtazapine sleep was very bad so yeah it's got a bit better i would say and its easier to get up in the morning now. It didn't give me much anxiety or depression relief i feel pretty much the same off it.

  10. #10
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    Nearing 2 months into protocol,

    Getting off Mirtazapine was quite something. First week was ok, even felt slightly better. Second week I was a complete insomniac. Third - fourth week sleep started to return but I had intense episodes of fear and anxiety.
    Right now that is starting to slowly dissipate but I'm left with a racing mind that makes breathwork or meditating from very challenging to near impossible. Not really sure how to deal with this apart from going for long walks.
    I'm having rare nights where I manage to sleep for 5 hours, wake up and knock out another 2-3, waking up fresh and feeling almost symptom free the entire day. Most other nights I sleep for 2-3 hours and wake up to heart palpitations and anxiety, get up for an hour, get back in etc etc..

    The weird thing is I feel my anxiety now is different from my anxiety at the start of this whole PFS business. Is there anyone who can relate? It's almost as if my current issues are more like a post trauma aftermath.
    Like I'm almost ready to say I don't have PFS at all and all I'm left with is some form of PTSD after 150% worrying about my health and experiencing severe anxiety / insomnia for months on end.

    I'll continue with the protocol, as it's healthy and most elements are prime for dealing with anxiety disorders anyway.

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