Vahn's quest for glory and saw palmetto destruction!!

[Vahn]

Hi all,

As most of you did, I let the snake of vanity crawl into my garden. Saw palmetto it was called. I still see myself taking that first pill in a futile effort to combat my hair loss genetics. A herbal remedy, because that would be safe, right? Foolish boy. I was a man of 30, but acted as an old infant. Crying and wallowing about my breakup with my ex fiancée, crying and wallowing about my hair loss. Woe was me. I was so vulnerable. No wonder the snakes found their way in.

I took it for a year and quit in January 2020. A couple of days later, I developed:

• Hard, shrunken and bent genitals, with some nice bulging veins to complete the picture
• Complete impotence
• Complete loss of libido
• Severe anxiety (because my f*cking junk shrunk, wtf)

After a couple of weeks, this resolved. Libido sky high (really, hands free ejaculations), ED resolved, anxiety gone. Only thing remaining were some minor tissue changes in the penis. I could live with that. I really thought I was healed.

Then April 2020 hit. As if the saw palmetto pulled me an April's fools. I developed:

• Worse genital shrinkage, more veins, more tissue loss. Seems to be getting worse even now.
• Severe penile numbness (improved a bit)
• Impotence
• Loss of libido and complete destruction of the mind-penis connection
• Loss of sensation over my whole body that would wax and wane
• Severe anxiety and depression
• Slower and lighter beard growth and body hair (started after 6 months...)
• Thinning hands and wrists (Not too sur about this one, I think I am at great risk of developing body dysmorphia, so it's important not to symptom watch I guess)

I didn't know what the f*ck was happening to me. I always ignored the possibility of PFS, surely some stupid herbal supplement couldn't cause these symptoms? That's what all my friends, family, docs told me. It was all because of my breakup, they said. You are manifesting physical symptoms because of subconscious pain about your ex. I was very much in pain, that part is true (and I still am). I wanted to believe them, were it only for some ED and libido loss. But seeing your genitals shrink before your eyes in 1 day. Yeah, no.

My symptoms did not improve, and eventually, after doing every possible medical test (seriously, I have pulled down my pants for so many docs it's ridiculous) which all presented unremarkable results, I came to the only conclusion left: PFS. And as so many of you probably did, I ended up on propeciahelp. This is not a rant against PH, but browsing through it is what made me dangerously suicidal. So much that I'm under psychiatric evaluation and on antidepressants. (I’m currently on Wellbutrin, I believe it helps, but would this in any way interact negatively with the herbs?) I still wake up suicidal most days. It's that severe. I guess you all know what I'm talking about.

Luckily though, it was by browsing hours upon hours through PH, that some glimmers of hope revealed themselves to me. I read about Chi, cdnuts and many other "holistic" recoveries. People with iron willpower that escaped the pits of hell. I couldn't commit yet, though. Committing would equal accepting the condition I am in. And I was still very much in denial. And if I wasn't in denial, I was in fear of doing anything that could make it worse.

Well, I'm done. Time to commit. Time to get out of my couch and start doing something. That's why I decided to post today. An affirmative action, a signal to my brain that I'm done despairing and wallowing in self pity. I need some f*cking positivity in my life. I want to live again goddammit. I'll show all of them. I'll show them all how much of a hero I can be! FUCK.

1. I've bought a juicer but I'm not a big guy and have always eaten very healthy before. I know this is a crucial step, but I'm a bit worried it will just weaken me?
2. I'm already doing paleo since it was fairly easy to implement this.
3. Only carbs (gluten free oats) on workout days.
4. I’ve renewed my gym membership and am doing HIIT.
5. Loving the cold showers!
6. Ordered 14 herbs (as my finances permit) for a 2 week cycle and daily supplements. Little scared, I have to admit, since it was a herb that got me here in the first place...
7. I've got a Joove to sun the boys

I don't want to go back to the old me.
I want a better version.
Time to be a hero!