GoldenSun's Journey to 110% (Minoxidil induced PFS)

[GoldenSun]

I just can't wait until I have a concrete improvement, one that even if it goes away and comes back I can know for certain that it is from this protocol. Last month I had legitimate sexual urges a few times per day for about a week or two. These urges would even stick after jerking off! I didn't feel close to cured or anything but I did have a concrete thing to latch on to and say "this feels better" and you guys have no idea how much of a great feeling that was. In that state I was able to put PFS in the back of my mind as a thing that I will be done with eventually and I just went on with my life without despair. Like the roller coaster recovery is, this improvement vanished.

I was not too worried though, I expected improvements to come and go. What is really causing me to despair again is not that they went away, it was something I remembered. I remember back in may (before I started the protocol) I had a few sexual urges for about a week, they were not as strong as the ones I experienced last moth but they were there. This has had me worried that these urges I experienced recently were not caused by the protocol but they are just my natural "once in a blue moon" sexual urges if you know what I mean. I just wish I could know that they were caused by the protocol and not just my body feeling okay every once and a while. For example, lets say this week said sexual urges came back. That would be proof of the protocol working in my mind because that is a concrete sequence I have not experienced, back to back sexual urges in a short period.

The thing that is hellish and haunting about this condition is not the symptoms. If my dick shrunk, my libido vanished and my brain got consumed by severe depression, but I knew it would only be a year of torment I would just push through. This condition is so horrible because of the life sentence associated with it, the life sentence the entire internet except this forum believes in. This condition is believed to be a personal hell, one that parallels the Muslim/Christian view of hell perfectly. An enteral torment with no hope of ending. This forum is the only place to preach the contrary and It makes me hopeful but sadly still skeptical.

The last thing I am wondering is if I should tell my girlfriend what I am going through. It would just feel amazing to know there is one person I love that I can talk to about this every once and a while. My fear is if I tell her it will be taken the wrong way. My dick is broken but can be used every once and a while, I can fake it until I make it but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm living a lie. I just want to live my damn life. I just want to be happy again.

I know this is a bit of a depressive rant but it made me feel better to say all of this, thank you to anyone who read this or has any advice on my situation. I'm going to force myself off of this site until I notice improvement. I will ONLY post back when I feel a bit better because f5 spamming this forum wont cure me. I wish you all the best of luck, keep fighting.



TLDR: Not sure if improvements are because of the protocol or just because my body will feel better temporarily every once and a while (even if I was not on protocol). Venting about the life-long nature believed about this condition, and lastly venting on how I have kept my condition a secret from my girlfriend and how this makes my life feel like a lie.

[Cdsnuts]

I just can't wait until I have a concrete improvement, one that even if it goes away and comes back I can know for certain that it is from this protocol. Last month I had legitimate sexual urges a few times per day for about a week or two. These urges would even stick after jerking off! I didn't feel close to cured or anything but I did have a concrete thing to latch on to and say "this feels better" and you guys have no idea how much of a great feeling that was. In that state I was able to put PFS in the back of my mind as a thing that I will be done with eventually and I just went on with my life without despair. Like the roller coaster recovery is, this improvement vanished.

I was not too worried though, I expected improvements to come and go. What is really causing me to despair again is not that they went away, it was something I remembered. I remember back in may (before I started the protocol) I had a few sexual urges for about a week, they were not as strong as the ones I experienced last moth but they were there. This has had me worried that these urges I experienced recently were not caused by the protocol but they are just my natural "once in a blue moon" sexual urges if you know what I mean. I just wish I could know that they were caused by the protocol and not just my body feeling okay every once and a while. For example, lets say this week said sexual urges came back. That would be proof of the protocol working in my mind because that is a concrete sequence I have not experienced, back to back sexual urges in a short period.

The thing that is hellish and haunting about this condition is not the symptoms. If my dick shrunk, my libido vanished and my brain got consumed by severe depression, but I knew it would only be a year of torment I would just push through. This condition is so horrible because of the life sentence associated with it, the life sentence the entire internet except this forum believes in. This condition is believed to be a personal hell, one that parallels the Muslim/Christian view of hell perfectly. An enteral torment with no hope of ending. This forum is the only place to preach the contrary and It makes me hopeful but sadly still skeptical.

The last thing I am wondering is if I should tell my girlfriend what I am going through. It would just feel amazing to know there is one person I love that I can talk to about this every once and a while. My fear is if I tell her it will be taken the wrong way. My dick is broken but can be used every once and a while, I can fake it until I make it but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm living a lie. I just want to live my damn life. I just want to be happy again.

I know this is a bit of a depressive rant but it made me feel better to say all of this, thank you to anyone who read this or has any advice on my situation. I'm going to force myself off of this site until I notice improvement. I will ONLY post back when I feel a bit better because f5 spamming this forum wont cure me. I wish you all the best of luck, keep fighting.



TLDR: Not sure if improvements are because of the protocol or just because my body will feel better temporarily every once and a while (even if I was not on protocol). Venting about the life-long nature believed about this condition, and lastly venting on how I have kept my condition a secret from my girlfriend and how this makes my life feel like a lie.

Ok.......I got to page three of your thread and stopped reading.

Everything I'm saying to you is for your benefit....

You seem a tad manic, which is understandable, but I think you don't have a realistic timeline for this journey. You're going to drive yourself absolutely nuts doing updates every couple of weeks. This thing is measured in blocks of months.

From your first post when you said you're at 70% after being on for a week.........red flag.

You're expecting too much too soon.