Malibu's Recovery Log

[Malibu]

Hey everyone,

Been lurking here for a while but wanted to start a recovery thread. Tried to post one the other day but it didn't go through I guess.
Reading people's contributions here has been a huge help but some direct interaction wouldn't hurt either so here I am.

Some of you may have seen my introduction post back in summer 2021. To recap, took both accutane and finasteride, at 1 point was taking both at the same time. Pretty insane, in hindsight. Took Fin for 2 years and accutane for a 6 or 7 month course. I slowly got cognitively foggier over time, without putting it together. Now I'm left with all the classic PFS symptoms such as severe brain fog, anhedonia, derealization + low libido, cold and rubbery genitals. And most notably a very numb penis that never fills up correctly at the head. My erections are decent though, especially when taking herbs.

I didn't suddenly crash cognitively like lots of PFS guys. But sexually I did. Back in december 2020 I started experiencing 0 libido after a night of heavy drinking and weed. Then a week after that, I tried to have sex with viagra and my penis was completley numb. Then the next morning I had very strange penile symptoms, (glans numbness, pelvic floor spasms when ejaculating, & balanitis). Freaked out and quit the finasteride, had already been off of accutane for about a year at that point. At this time I recall feeling anhedonia and brain fog getting worse too.

My penis symptoms have gotten better over time but now improvement has stalled, and I'm still far away from normal. I have no idea what happened that night to my dick, if it's even from fin/accutane or if it's from pelvic floor dysfunction or trauma or something. My dick does match descriptions of "hard flaccid syndrome", which occurs to non propecia users as well. It's all very confusing. So i'm curious to hear if others on this forum have had similar symptoms and recovered.

On the other hand, my mental symptoms and low libido, I definetly attribute to the pharmaceuticals, so that's why I've hopped on this protocol.

Back in summer 2021 I was kind of half-assing the protocol and was dealing with some depression and a tough living situation so I wasn't giving it my all.

But since December, I restarted with a sucessful juice feast and have been sticking to it.

Been taking herbs, dieting, exercising, cold showers, all that good stuff. Just need to get a bathmate. And want to do my first prohormone cycle in a few months.

I take a few extra supplements such as MSM, Biotin, Glucosamine, Bile Acid Factors, Calcium D-Glucarate, and TUDCA, on top of the protocol supplements, thought I should make a note of that. Mostly to support accutane recovery, I take low doses and don't plan to take them forever.

I guess my biggest concerns are the fact I also took accutane, and the strange way my penis symptoms began. But I have faith I'll make a good recovery.

Thanks for reading.

[Outlaw]

You came to the right place buddy.

This program definitely works, don't worry about the details. I got hit heavy from a single pill. Mental, physical and ear problems. With every sexual. Took a stepback recently from a supplement (don't add anything), but I had made superb progress in 7 months. Read my log and my cycle log if you wanna see

Just gotta stay consistent and supress your anxiety (10months later I still somewhat suck at it).

You got this, holla if you have questions. The board is pretty quiet recently but we are all trucking.

[Malibu]

Thanks for the reply man.

I've actually read quite a bit of your log, it's been an awesome resource. It's funny, I've actually gotten to know all the various folks in this forum and their stories pretty well as I've lurked for months. Definetly think it's time to emerge from the shadows now, should have done it sooner but for whatever reason I wasn't really the type to post in online communities before this. Also discussing this stuff can put one in a pretty bad mood.

Great point about the anxiety, when I think about it, that really does seems like one of, if not the main obstacle of people in our situation.

I'll be sure to post any questions I have and I hope your recovery keeps coming along nicely.

[Cdsnuts]

While you're right, discussing certain aspects of this condition can be depressing, we have to talk about it in positive ways. Think progress, not backslides. Think abundance, which you'll eventually have. Think of this place as a place of friends bettering their lives.

That is, in fact, what you are all doing.

Just keep grinding.

[Malibu]

While you're right, discussing certain aspects of this condition can be depressing, we have to talk about it in positive ways. Think progress, not backslides. Think abundance, which you'll eventually have. Think of this place as a place of friends bettering their lives.

That is, in fact, what you are all doing.

Just keep grinding.

Thanks Cdnuts. Your words resonate. The eventual realization that with PFS, viewing things positively is the only way to go, is what got me off propeciahelp and over to this forum. But your message was a needed and appreciated reminder.

[Malibu]

Update:

Transitioned from body weight exercises to weight training. Feels great to be lifting again.

Been consistent with the paleo diet but recently had a small cheat meal, and like clockwork the next day I felt a level of brain fog I hadn’t felt in a while. It made me realize I’ve improved since my crash, where I felt that fog all the time. I already forgot how insanely fucked up I was. It’s remarkable how little we notice our state of consciousness changing over time. Because by the time it changes, well, we’ve embodied that change and it just feels “normal”.

Anyway, this cheat meal induced brain fog reminded me this ain’t the time for eating chocolate fudge. Lesson learned.

I’ve also decided to stop doing exercises for “hard flaccid syndrome”. (I got the routine from Reddit)

This is because
1) I read some recoveries here where people mentioned before recovery they had my worst symptoms, extremely numb and rubbery flaccid dick. So I think the protocol should take care of it.
2) I believe the time and energy can be used better elsewhere. More time for meditation, breath work, cooking, etc.

All in all, I’m already getting better. I have some pretty good days where I get temporary mental flashes of my old healthy self. It’s hard to articulate. But it’s a long road ahead still, and I don’t feel all that great a lot of the time. Low creativity, mental clarity, zest for life. All normal stuff though for where I’m at.

Keep being awesome guys.

Malibu

[Cdsnuts]

Update:

Transitioned from body weight exercises to weight training. Feels great to be lifting again.

Been consistent with the paleo diet but recently had a small cheat meal, and like clockwork the next day I felt a level of brain fog I hadn’t felt in a while. It made me realize I’ve improved since my crash, where I felt that fog all the time. I already forgot how insanely fucked up I was. It’s remarkable how little we notice our state of consciousness changing over time. Because by the time it changes, well, we’ve embodied that change and it just feels “normal”.

Anyway, this cheat meal induced brain fog reminded me this ain’t the time for eating chocolate fudge. Lesson learned.

I’ve also decided to stop doing exercises for “hard flaccid syndrome”. (I got the routine from Reddit)

This is because
1) I read some recoveries here where people mentioned before recovery they had my worst symptoms, extremely numb and rubbery flaccid dick. So I think the protocol should take care of it.
2) I believe the time and energy can be used better elsewhere. More time for meditation, breath work, cooking, etc.

All in all, I’m already getting better. I have some pretty good days where I get temporary mental flashes of my old healthy self. It’s hard to articulate. But it’s a long road ahead still, and I don’t feel all that great a lot of the time. Low creativity, mental clarity, zest for life. All normal stuff though for where I’m at.

Keep being awesome guys.

Malibu

Yes....stick to what is outlined. You're on the right path.

[Malibu]

Update #2:

Been doing the protocol fully around 3 months now. Nothing that special to report but wanted to say that mentally I’m feeling much better already. I still have brain fog and anhedonia but I don’t think about it as often. It’s very manageable, especially compared to what it used to be. (Which I can only describe as feeling like you’re literally not alive). Yep that bad.

In addition to the cognitive improvements, I’ve already had some subtle upswings in libido, so that’s promising.

The only thing that won’t budge is my symptoms regarding my penis. Hate to be the guy always talking about his dick but it really is the only thing truly tormenting me right now. Totally shrivelled, cold, and rubbery. And my current #1 WORST PFS symptom: Glans doesn't fill up at all during erections, and is extremely numb, dry and soft.

It’s frustrating because there are now many days I’m actually quite in the mood for sex mentally, but my guy downstairs isn’t on the same page. I doubt I’d be able to orgasm with a woman at this point due to my lack of any sensation whatsoever.

Of course, at the end of the day there’s no way out but through this protocol. Just wanted to vent.

Take care everyone.

[lastnoirking87]

I'm oftentimes in a similar boat as you, where my libido is there (not typically 100%, but having experienced zero libido, I can say it's at least there), but erection function isnt. Seems we are a bit unusual, as I tend to find guys who say their erection function comes back long before their libido ever shows any signs of return. Well...it is what it is, I guess.

[Malibu]

Quick diet related question:

What’s the consensus on potatoes? I ask since there seems to be some debate online as to whether they have a place in the paleo diet.

I indulge when backloading but have had them a few times on non backloading days as well. Hope that hasn’t set me back.