KCS’s Journey To Recovery

[KCS]

I guess it’s time to do this…

What’s up all?

The last 5 months of my life have been the most torturous I think a human could come close to enduring. I crashed in Sept of 2021 after taking fin for 3 months with the majority of neurological / mental sides that you can get:

-Insomnia
-DP/DR (one day a close to Christmas it felt like a damn psychosis trip)
-Anxiety / Panic Attacks (worse at first, but now decreased)
-Depression
-Flat emotions / Anhedonia (the worst of them all - this one crept in not until Dec)
-Fatigue
-Terrible word recall
-Short term memory issues
-Extreme lack of motivation
-Low Libido / Minor Sexual Disfunction
-Intermittent headaches
-Digestion issues
-Etc

What’s really gutted me is that after the crash in September, I actually started to get better through Oct & Nov thinking I was going to be a “lucky one,” but then crashed even harder around Thanksgiving that made all of these symptoms more permanent without having “good days and bad days” like I was experiencing after the initial crash. Which definitely worries me that I’ve seen no improvement in the 5 months, but continued to see a decline more than anything.

Being honest, suicide has crossed my mind more times than I’d like to admit, but I’m not a quitter, and I have a beautiful wife and the sweetest 4 year old girl you’ve ever seen that need me. At the moment, I’m a shell of my former self and I owe it to them (and myself) to get my life back.

I’ve built businesses from scratch in the past (entrepreneur at heart) and have never strayed from a challenge. The only difference now is I have no motivation from a “feeling” level and am going to have to just will myself to get things done each day.

Until now, I’ve been “bandaiding” things by taking benzodiazepines. For whatever reason, those take away all my mental sides and my personality comes right back and the anhedonia is gone, but I’m done messing with these. They’re only going to mess me up worse in the long run and lead to a bigger dead end.

I’ve looked for every silver bullet out there already as well by trying to play with hormones, peptides, thousands of dollars in random supplements, etc and am realizing now that the only silver bullet is going to be hard work and faith that I’ll be able to get through this bullshit by taking it a day at a time and trusting in the process.

My life was just getting to a really good place. Now I’m left with nothing but regret and will do whatever it takes to get that back. I just want to feel alive again.

So… starting this week… the fast begins and I’ll be jumping into the protocol head first.

I’ve spent enough time on the “my life is over” site to know this is the only place I’ll be able to really work on improving. So I appreciate you all being here and the positive environment that it’s founded on.

God knows I need it now more than ever.

I’m sure I’ll have questions throughout the process and appreciate everyone’s support that will hopefully be given.

Time to get to work.

[AltRoute]

Welcome man - you came to the right place . Yes Avoid that other site like the plague, just an anxiety shit storm. I’m early on in this journey (abt 2 months) but have noticed great improvements thus far. Feel free to reach out if you need anything

[KCS]

Welcome man - you came to the right place . Yes Avoid that other site like the plague, just an anxiety shit storm. I’m early on in this journey (abt 2 months) but have noticed great improvements thus far. Feel free to reach out if you need anything

I definitely will. Best of luck to you man!

[KCS]

Also, my digestion has been getting worse the past few weeks. Terrible sounds coming from my digestive system after eating and I now haven’t been able to use the bathroom for 4 days straight. Not sure if I should take meuralax, get an enema, or just wait it out for the fast and see if that clears me up at all? Anybody had any experience with this?

[isseo]

Hi !
For my part I did 1 month (and half) of protocol, I also had improvements, do not lose hope.

For your digestive system, just follow the gluten-free diet, ideally lactose-free and as clean as possible. (Paléo)

You can also take probiotics but nothing else. You will take a long time to be healed (like all of us) but you should quickly find a correct base if you follow the protocol thoroughly.

The most important thing is hope, and seeing small improvements should give you hope.

[KCS]

Hi !
For my part I did 1 month (and half) of protocol, I also had improvements, do not lose hope.

For your digestive system, just follow the gluten-free diet, ideally lactose-free and as clean as possible. (Paléo)

You can also take probiotics but nothing else. You will take a long time to be healed (like all of us) but you should quickly find a correct base if you follow the protocol thoroughly.

The most important thing is hope, and seeing small improvements should give you hope.

Appreciate that man. I’m in it for the long haul, that’s for damn sure. Your guys positivity means more than you know. Really do appreciate it. 🙏

[lastnoirking87]

Looks like you know what needs to be done. After a month or so of getting into the routine of your new (better, healthier) life, a lot of this will go on autopilot. I crashed around the same time as you and, even though I stumbled onto CDs regimen within the first month, I wasted time lingering in denial and depression. Now I just wish I had gotten started earlier,because I'd be even further along by now. All I can say is that it works...at different paces for everyone, but the point is that it works. Keep us updated.

[KCS]

Appreciate it, man.

[KCS]

Day 3 of the water fast. Hunger is starting to increase and my mouth is watering every time I think about food. That’s a good thing though as my hunger has been complete shit the last month or two. My wife is making muffins for our daughter right now and the sweet smell of them is torture.

On top of that, my depersonalization has been sky high today and my breaths seem to be getting shorter and faster. The breaths have come and gone throughout the last few months so whatever, I’ll deal with it. Just trying to keep my mind occupied and not sit in it and overly stress.

Lately, my mind keeps playing through my life up until this point. I have vivid flashbacks about how things were and all the fun things I’ve got to enjoy with all my loved ones. Life was just “easy” and I feel like I’ve taken a lot of it for granted in my 30 years. Really yearning for all that back and feeling like me so I never make that mistake again.

A few more days of the fast then we’ll hit the protocol.

As for the training, did you guys move right into it after fasting, or did you give yourself a week to recoup and refeed first?

Hope ya’ll are doing well.

[Cdsnuts]

Day 3 of the water fast. Hunger is starting to increase and my mouth is watering every time I think about food. That’s a good thing though as my hunger has been complete shit the last month or two. My wife is making muffins for our daughter right now and the sweet smell of them is torture.

On top of that, my depersonalization has been sky high today and my breaths seem to be getting shorter and faster. The breaths have come and gone throughout the last few months so whatever, I’ll deal with it. Just trying to keep my mind occupied and not sit in it and overly stress.

Lately, my mind keeps playing through my life up until this point. I have vivid flashbacks about how things were and all the fun things I’ve got to enjoy with all my loved ones. Life was just “easy” and I feel like I’ve taken a lot of it for granted in my 30 years. Really yearning for all that back and feeling like me so I never make that mistake again.

A few more days of the fast then we’ll hit the protocol.

As for the training, did you guys move right into it after fasting, or did you give yourself a week to recoup and refeed first?

Hope ya’ll are doing well.

Refeed for a week, then ease into the diet and all other aspects of the protocol except working out. Wait about 3-4 weeks after your fast before starting your calisthenics routine.