KCS’s Journey To Recovery

[KCS]

I guess it’s time to do this…

What’s up all?

The last 5 months of my life have been the most torturous I think a human could come close to enduring. I crashed in Sept of 2021 after taking fin for 3 months with the majority of neurological / mental sides that you can get:

-Insomnia
-DP/DR (one day a close to Christmas it felt like a damn psychosis trip)
-Anxiety / Panic Attacks (worse at first, but now decreased)
-Depression
-Flat emotions / Anhedonia (the worst of them all - this one crept in not until Dec)
-Fatigue
-Terrible word recall
-Short term memory issues
-Extreme lack of motivation
-Low Libido / Minor Sexual Disfunction
-Intermittent headaches
-Digestion issues
-Etc

What’s really gutted me is that after the crash in September, I actually started to get better through Oct & Nov thinking I was going to be a “lucky one,” but then crashed even harder around Thanksgiving that made all of these symptoms more permanent without having “good days and bad days” like I was experiencing after the initial crash. Which definitely worries me that I’ve seen no improvement in the 5 months, but continued to see a decline more than anything.

Being honest, suicide has crossed my mind more times than I’d like to admit, but I’m not a quitter, and I have a beautiful wife and the sweetest 4 year old girl you’ve ever seen that need me. At the moment, I’m a shell of my former self and I owe it to them (and myself) to get my life back.

I’ve built businesses from scratch in the past (entrepreneur at heart) and have never strayed from a challenge. The only difference now is I have no motivation from a “feeling” level and am going to have to just will myself to get things done each day.

Until now, I’ve been “bandaiding” things by taking benzodiazepines. For whatever reason, those take away all my mental sides and my personality comes right back and the anhedonia is gone, but I’m done messing with these. They’re only going to mess me up worse in the long run and lead to a bigger dead end.

I’ve looked for every silver bullet out there already as well by trying to play with hormones, peptides, thousands of dollars in random supplements, etc and am realizing now that the only silver bullet is going to be hard work and faith that I’ll be able to get through this bullshit by taking it a day at a time and trusting in the process.

My life was just getting to a really good place. Now I’m left with nothing but regret and will do whatever it takes to get that back. I just want to feel alive again.

So… starting this week… the fast begins and I’ll be jumping into the protocol head first.

I’ve spent enough time on the “my life is over” site to know this is the only place I’ll be able to really work on improving. So I appreciate you all being here and the positive environment that it’s founded on.

God knows I need it now more than ever.

I’m sure I’ll have questions throughout the process and appreciate everyone’s support that will hopefully be given.

Time to get to work.