Ethan's Recovery Journal

[ethanrecovering]

I previously posted here in 2020 when I was fresh from PFS. I was mostly a physical case and was inconsistent with the protocol. Over time my wasted face gained more weight and I looked mostly healthy and became comfortable with where I was and dropped off the protocol. My symptoms were
-Anxiety (struggle to look others in the eye, can become overwhelmed in places like the mall or supermarket)
-Bloating
-Bad working memory
-Mild ED
-Can get hard with physical stimulation, not as strong as Pre-fin and doesnt last long without continued physical manipulation
-Can't keep erection while standing
-Have sexual thoughts, but can't get hard without manipulation
-Penis curved to left
-Mild Eye floaters
-Occasional pain in random areas of my body (possibly bone, not too bad)
-Muscle twitches (especially at night)
-Very very mild brain fog sometimes
-Gum recession
-Facial changes: fat loss, sunken eyes and cheeks, smaller chin, possibly smaller nose?, dry skin, loose skin that I can pull, aging, wrinkles under eyes and around mouth, crows feet, smaller face overall)

This PFS was mild and I could live a regular life, but realized this past January that I wanted to improve my sexual symptoms as I was starting to become more sexually active, and a health store worker recommended Panax Ginseng. Had no idea this was a 5ar inhibitor and I crashed hard after a few doses. Mentally and sexually nothing changed, but my physical condition has been wrecked. Its caused:
-PFS wasted face again, I was looking healthy and now look a bit worse than I did from the original PFS crash
-sensitive/aching gums
-muscle twitches all over (especially on my nose)
-ear clogging and pressure
-face pain on cheeks, jaw, etc
-Upset stomach/digestion
-muscle softening in most spots
-Slightly weaker erections and sex drive
-Feel a bit mentally slower/fogged
-BAD Muscle / Subcutaneous fat wastage
-If I flex my right bicep, I can push my finger into it and make an indent as if its play doh, even though the shape still looks the same, and the area aches from use
-Areas of face, scalp, neck feel like theres gaps of subcutaneous fat loss, like I can push the softer skin and there be nothing behind it except bone.
-Aches/twitches in these areas most affected
-Left foot feels like it has less padding when I walk
-Even skin on scalp and temple feels like its lost something behind it, is uncomfortable to lay my head against on surface on these areas
-Scared this wont get better and have become self conscious as my face looks sickly
-all of the original symptoms remain

So, yeah, massive massive mistake from a stupid decision and Im worse now than I was 3 years ago. Going to take the protocol seriously this time because I'm scared shitless. Started my 7 day juice fast this morning and will take it from there. Hoping to make a decent physical improvement by the summer.