Hi everyone,

This is my first post to the forum and introduction to myself and my journey with hair loss, finasteride and healing from PFS.

*Fair warning, this is a really long post and that's deliberate.* This is going to be more like a complete story of my journey, rather than a simple post. I want to include as much detail as possible so that those experiencing PFS, hair loss or thinking about taking finasteride, can gain insights, inspiration and hope for making it through their own journeys. I also want to make it clear that my key and only intention is to share my authentic experience with finasteride and my recovery journey from PFS for others to see. I am not trying to convince you one way or another in regards to anything and simply don't believe in proselytizing in this way as I will always respect your choice to do with this information whatever you see is best for your life. Again, this is simply my truth and my experience, that's it. So let's begin.

Brief Thank You To Cdnuts + Positive Members Here

Firstly, I found out about CDnuts a couple of months ago via Reddit forums and have since been learning all I could on the TMO website + the swolesource forums. I can already say that I have immense gratitude in just finding this self-empowered community for PFS, led by cd. I absolutely fundamentally believe that our bodies have the capacity and intelligence to self-heal (of course with the right habits and practices supporting this process), and as soon as I found out about cd, TMO and this forum, I could immediately pick up on the fundamental energy of positivity, inner strength and self-belief needed to overcome the challenges we face in life. Countless times, I have seen how key the power of attitude is when it comes to the positive transformations we wish to create in our life, and that inner absolute knowing that I can heal from PFS is already unshakable in me right now. I believe this is the absolute fundamental step in any positive goal or vision, claiming it as already yours in the here and now.

Having said this, it has been and continues to be a tough and hellish road with my PFS symptoms, and so I can only thank the positive members of this forum who have already healed for persevering through their own journeys (I have likely read your inspiring recovery threads already) along with cd himself, for having the courage and strength to not only pioneer his own healing over a decade ago, but then put out this process for others to see and weathering the general doom and negativity that seems to be prevalent around the whole topic of PFS. Anyhow, this is already sounding like a recovery testimonial and we've only just begun - but I guess this just shows how just having the right mindsets, knowledge and community support can be a godsend in and of itself even before the healing journey itself has properly begun.

My Hair loss Beginnings + My First Encounter With Finasteride - Oct 2014 - April 2017

Back in Oct 2014, when I was 19, I first noticed the corners of my hairline receding. I rapidly went from having a straight a hairline to a noticeable windows peak in a matters of weeks and naturally it shocked me. I always felt I was decently good looking and I got attention from girls during high school, but my look was always a more refined and softer masculine style, kind of like a Timothee Chalamet or younger Hugh Grant (although I'm not saying I was as good looking as these guys, just that general style). I was also naturally very pale with a skinny ectomorph type of build. Therefore, with all this considered, the prospect of losing my hair and going bald at such a young age was an absolute no-go to me. I felt it would completely negatively change my look and vibes (a view I held for basically all of my 20s too). I was trying to get into performing at the time and was at that age where looks felt so much more important to everyone than they ultimately are - and I did not want to be a 19 year old pale, skinny, dweeby, balding/bald guy.

So not knowing about the possibility of it simply being my mature hairline coming in VS male pattern baldness (looking back I think it was likely a combination of both as I have the genetic pattern for baldness in my family), I went to my local doctors and he put me on 1mg daily Finasteride without even blinking an eye. At no point were potential side effects even discussed, and to my 19 year old brain all I doing was just popping some kind of safe pill like a supplement or paracetamol that would give me healthy and thick hair and keep it like that. I had no idea about DHT, hormones or anything like that and hardly any further thought was put to it than this (naive and foolish on my for sure, but I was barely 19 and honestly didn't even think to think of the potential consequences of what I was doing).

So on the same day I had the doctor's appointment, I popped my first 1mg pill. Although it is somewhat of a blur having happened around 9 years ago at this point, my recollection is that I had near immediate side effects over the first week of taking it. I remember clearly my erections definitely becoming weaker and overall feeling off in my body. I actually found old WhatsApp messages during this time with evidence of me and my ex-girlfriend talking about this happening to me - we kept referring to my ED/sexual sides as me still experiencing 'the thing happening again'.

After a week or two on it, I remember I ended up dropping the dose to 0.5mg (1/2 a tablet) every other day and that seeming to help a bit. And so, for virtually all of my first run on finasteride, my finasteride side effects never really progressed further than this. I mostly had less hard erections at like 85-90%, slightly decreased libido, slightly lower energy etc. But overall the sides were manageable and worth it to me considering my hair sprouted thicker than ever before and my hairline came back in to the point I was able to style it anyway I wanted to. It looked healthy, thick and great and my confidence definitely came back about my hair and overall appearance and lasted for years like this. I was able to push the issue of hair loss to the back of my mind, however, if I was truly honest with myself at the time, I was always faintly concerned about the side effects I was experiencing at the same time.

All in all, I stayed on finasteride for over 3 years in this cycle until my side effects starting getting steadily more and more noticeable throughout late 2016/early 2017. I started noticing things like my facial shape looking rounder/softer, more fat deposits and even cellulite developing on my body (despite no changes to my diet and fitness regime), and continued lowering libido and erection quality (75-85% strength towards the final months). While I still could have potentially lived with these things, as the weeks and months rolled on, I started to develop this knowing that I had just had to get off finasteride and get symptom free and my body back to normal. And so, despite the risk of losing my hair, eventually my concern built up to such a point that my conscience won out and I tapered off and eventually quit finasteride in April 2017, 3 years and 5 months after first starting it.

My Life and Hair Off Finasteride - April 2017 to June 2022

Within a matter of weeks of quitting, I remember noticing how good I started feeling and how much better life in general felt again. My erections came back in fully strength, my muscles and body started looking more masculine and defined, my energy levels shot up, my outlook on life became more positive and goal-oriented, my libido was in full force. Most importantly of all, I felt a lot of peace and relief that I'd decided to get off it. Despite the great hair results, I knew it was not good for my body and to know I was no longer exposing it to a drug for cosmetic reasons, even if it wasn't extremely bad for me, felt like the right choice.

When it came to my hair, it definitely thinned out quite rapidly. I have photos from the period when I first hopped off and my hair almost immediately looked thinner and less full - but to my delighted surprised the thinning leveled out to a point I was decently happy with. Sure I didn't have the thickest hair, but I could still get nice haircuts, had a decent hairline and overall it looked absolutely fine to the point I still had overall confidence in myself and my hair.

And so over about the next 5 years I was off finasteride, I was able to just get on with my life. I finished my bachelor's degree, spent time traveling around India and Europe, got super into self-development, got my first corporate job, quit this job to start up my own business, experienced a couple of long-term relationships and went through a spiritual awakening.

My Hair Loss Crisis + Shaving My Head - June 2022 - July 2022

Now despite getting on with my life quite well on the whole and having lots of these various life experiences, the one thing that remained very tightly at the core of my ego's fears, insecurities and attachments was my physical appearance. And the biggest part of that, was my hair. Even though it often didn't actively bother me or affect my quality of life during this time, no matter what I did, I couldn't fully put a stop to the subtle, nagging anxiety of eventually going bald.

Over the 5+ year off finasteride, I definitely notice a slow yet continual progression of hair loss happening when I looked in the mirror. It was slow, but it was happening and deep down, it bothered me. Gradually, month after month, year after year it kept thinning and eventually got to the point where one day, in around late 2020 at age 26, I saw my reflection underneath the elevator lighting in my apartment and could clearly see my skull through my thinning hair and hairline. This was a hugely deflating experience at the time and made me realize I truly undeniably was going bald (I had a Jude Law type of recession).

And so in this state of desperation, I researched some solutions and decided to hop on topical minxodil (regaine foam). Despite minor tension in the area that I applied it to that lasted a minute or so after application, the regaine was thankfully fine and I had no other side effects. The only downside was that it didn't create any great results or regrowth. It only marginally helped to somewhat thicken and slow down the rate of my hair loss - but given it minxodil does nothing to stop DHT, there's no real surprise here.

And so finally, after about a year and a half of being on topical minoxidil solo, the increasing anxiety due my progressing hair loss reached a breaking point. I decided something else had to be done because I could no longer live so self-consciously and with a constant sense of impending doom and low confidence over my hair loss. So on a whim, I decided to just shave my head completely and embrace the bald look. I'd seen this channel on YouTube called Baldcafe throughout this time, which had video of countless positive transformations of guys who embraces their baldness and shaved their head and loved it. So this, along with my spiritual and inner healing work I was also doing at the time around my insecurities and issues, definitely helped inspire me to do the same and embrace this natural path.

However, instead of feeling liberated by my new shaved head, it thrust me even lower into anxiety and depression as I just hated it looked and how I perceived it changed my whole vibe and attractiveness when interacting with others and just living in the world. Of course, even if this was partly true, I now realize that this was hugely overblown in my head at the time due to the anxious and unconfident mess of a state of mind I was in over everything. I now believe anyone can pull off the bald look with the right inner beliefs, authentic self-confidence, self-worth and attitude you put out to others and the world. Sure having a full head of hair is often nicer and preferable for most people (including me if I'm honest), but at the end of the day, I now realize it you truly are in your character that has the ultimate and most powerful, lasting effects in your life.

So anyway, with my new bald look not working for me at all at the time, I decided to let it all grow back and quickly plunged into researching treatment methods for my hair loss. I obviously knew about finasteride, but was resistant to taking it due to my own fairly negative past experience with it. Yet after an exhaustive and intensive multi-week long research effort into all kind of unapproved research chemicals, alternate cutting-edge treatments, transplants etc. (all with their own set of pros and cons), I arrived at the conclusion that topical finasteride at a 0.025% concentration (equivalent to 0.25mg or 1/4 of a 1mg oral pill) was likely the safest, surest, least likely to cause side-effects option out there for me. There were several studies of topical finasteride at lower dosages suppressing markedly less systemic DHT and yet comparable scalp DHT to oral finasteride and I found several anecdotal reports of guys who previously suffered sides on oral fin having no sides after switching to topical finasteride. Everything pointed to this being a safe and viable option. So after doing my due diligence, I decided to give it a go. In that moment, my mindset was completely determined to try anything to get my hair back and not go through with my current bald/shaved look.