lmao bossnap is like early-mid 20s
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lmao bossnap is like early-mid 20s
LOL, yeah he's pretty young.
Lmfao damn! Somewhere I read 39!
I’m going out tonight. I’m in a decent mood now, but would a couple rounds of breathing & a cold shower before I leave put me in a better headspace to enjoy myself? On top of that, anything I could take? Just wanna make sure my vibe is up.
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Nicotine is what I take in the situation you are describing. Pure drops are ideal, but for you id recommend getting store brand nicotine gum. Always gives me a good euphoric headspace.Quote:
Originally Posted by RickTheRuler
Very minimal side effects as well other than just being addictive. Which you can avoid by taking it only on special occasions.
Thanks Driven!
Not gonna lie, we’ve got some smart motherfuckers here. This site is gonna serve me so well post PFS. Just the amount of knowledge I’ve gained in 5 months here. It’s all just a matter of Timeeee.
Yeah this shit happened to us but I really do think it’s for a reason. Whether it was for us to be at our most optimal in the future or to learn valuable life lessons that we brush to the side (vanity, work ethic sustained, consistency, being stoic).. this thing is building us in ways we don’t understand . Just stay consistent ya’ll. & try to have FUN during this whole ordeal
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You will look back on this later in life, and realize overall it made your time here better becasuse of the lessons learned, and the self development journey it puts you on.Quote:
Originally Posted by RickTheRuler
Lots of ppl that recover have shared this.
personally i like laying low and grinding
being in the mix was a waste of time looking back at it
The hard part for me is that I was always out the mix before all this.. I was always the grinder behind the scenes, (inferiority complex) never the most naturally gifted at sports so had to work to be great, never so good with women so had to work, never got recognition at my job so put in more hours etc.. that’s been my life, WORK WORK WORK so I can “catch up” to everyone else who in my perception seem to just “have it” cause I felt inferior to everyone and everything in all facets of life. I remember having a talk with a guy telling me I’m a solid dude for a young one but just act like I’m a loser, it doesn’t match..
I was ready to actually stop being a hermit working so much on myself & step out to enjoy life in the spring/summer like a regular good looking 22 year old dude should , then this thing hits. Back to the old grind...It’s like the Timing of PFS hitting can be the worst.
But referencing my first paragraph^, those qualities & weird outlook I have make doing the protocol fairly easy.. almost too easy, this leads to you questioning how can something so simple cure you from this complicated hormonal shit show lol.
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i feel you 100% broQuote:
Originally Posted by RickTheRuler
in hs i was mostly grinding in athletics like you, training, eating clean etc. college, im not playing sports anymore and forced to socialize (which im not good at with the guys), and I dont fit in anywhere. i dont have much problems with the girls, but i cant really spit game, which doesnt seem to be a problem. however, i could never be accepted by a crew when i was in my late teens and early twenties, outside of athletics.
so i was forced to stay out of the mix after that as well. now im 26, feels like i lost the last 3 years of my life to PFS mental sides, plus however long it takes to get over this. i know ill stop bitching about it once i recover and i can meditate, because thats what meditation did for me back when i was 21, make me accept my life for what it was regardless of the things i missed out on and shit i failed at. so i know once i recover for good, i know how to just get on with life and live in the present moment just by training my mind to do so, which i cant right now due to PFS
you gotta stop feeling inferior bro, thats how i felt too way back. thats the wrong fuel to propel you to the top imo. you gotta find something you want to do, and you gotta lose yourself in the moment of that to be the best at it, rather than compare yourself to others. thats when you have true confidence is when you dont have to compare yourself to others
right now i get the thoughts that theres other guys in tech sales that are raking in 200k-300k at age 25,26,27, building connections to elite C suite executives, while im stuck with shitty PFS symptoms. other guys my age are launching their own companies, and those guys are living the dreams that my idols like tmac and kobe did, skipping college to go pro, and i feel like im just stuck on the sidelines just reading various things about the industry that im trying to play in
but i gotta accept it and write my own story, cant compare it to those guys. it may take me years to get where they get, and if i have a bad attitude and compare myself to them constantly, i may never get there.
gotta live life in the present moment truly, and if you do that, all the inferiority complexes, insecurity, comparisons, anxiety, depression--- all of that nonsense goes away. you feel true peace. speaking from experience of once being at that level and truly being able to live and experience the clarity of all the cliche lines of "living in the moment"
Great post my manQuote:
Originally Posted by Lakehouse99
Your right bro. It’s deff something to work on. It’s real deep in my DNA & I have to let it goSQuote:
Originally Posted by Lakehouse99
Thing is I’m pretty good today at all those things so when I tell people I have that inferiority thing they don’t get it.
It’s like a super fat guy who loses weight, becomes jacked & then gets more women cause of it etc. which is a great thing.. but some guys still see the fat guy before all this & their behavior/body language follows suit .. I guess that’s how it is with me, I still see the kid at 17-19 years old. I’m deff in a better spot now in all areas cause of the work I put in but I still see the kid in mirror before all of it.
We getting real fucking deep here lmao.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickTheRuler
see man youre living in the past though, thats the problem with that. some days youre good to go, some days you feel that hesitation cause you feel like youre that 18 year old
your solution is to live in the present moment man forreal
i think about getting back to where i can do that every single day, but i cant
imagine if "living in the present" = deadlifting 400lbs
it takes a while to build up to that and you gotta be consistent everyday. your bad thoughts (or any thoughts at all) come, you let them come, you just observe them, then you shift your mind back to the present moment, whether its your stomach going up and down to your breath, or some the sound of birds or whatever. and you just observe that without any thought (or judgement)
you just do that over and over and over every single day, and eventually you get to the point where nothing bothers you anymore. its like muscle that you developed in your brain that just instantly switches off the bad thoughts without you even having to think about it. its a superpower
yeah we getting real deep here without any alcohol or nothing lmao i guess PFS is a substitute for that
That's just conscious thinking. If you can understand dark progressive trance 132-145 BPM without drugs, then you are deep. Or high... or both.
Only true DEEP THINKING WARRIORS, walk 9hrs at night away from some girl's house, to go scream at the ocean.
I'm glad my thread could be the catalyst for deep rumination boys... lol
for my next cycle I'm thinking 600mg r-andro no 4 andro. hitting that dht RAW folks. I think I can handle it without crushing my estrogen and even if I crush it yolo it'll come back in a month or so right?
4 andro suppressed me. suppression gone BUT wouldn't risk it with another cycle. waste have an extra bottle.
I feel that I have super high DHT naturally as gbold said Italians have higher DHT. I'm kinda hairy/lean. I look skinny but i'm insanely strong for my size. Sounds like a DHT dominant to me. I was also very aggressive/dominant/ambitious before PFS. I did 600mg DHT for a little on my 2nd cycle and that felt closer to the real me than 400. So might need that higher dose. I know tubzy went 600. Might copy and paste this to hackstasis too cuz it seems a bit more active here and some guys there really saved my ass a few times with advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
im blasting 600mg DHT from Andro hard here but i feel nothing, but gonna keep doing it for another month at least
those guys at hackstasis do anything different than here? i cant get approved to join there, email confirmation wont come and tubzy wont communicate with me for god knows what reason (i dont even know the guy lol)
his sig says that he's mad busy might have to do with it. if they have anything ground breaking i'll fill all the swole source people. right now they're still doing trials of protocols i thinkQuote:
Originally Posted by Lakehouse99
I went up to 1900mg its fine
i do not recommend tho
woah how did that feelQuote:
Originally Posted by CSM25
I was kidding lol, probably 7 max R-Andro and 7 4-andro, lets say 7 each was 4-6 times, and 6 each was like 8 times. 4-6 each 20 times. And usually
I took 4-andro at half the dose. I think I read dosing wrong or me and Ihatefin fucked up something with ADD... Maybe I misread what he said, not sure it was months ago. BUT* I did get stronger every half week.
However, while it was good for mood and focus to an extent, and did help sexual drive. Some work (even a lot at times (trading))... It was really really
not good in terms of irritation.
Sounds obvious, but I can tolerate a lot of things, however I was really really mad until post workout.
And then because of those high dose days, I megadosed TMO herbs (5-6 of them) and also took a bit extra of PCT (Kingsblood).
It was all good, but I really don't need more aggression than baseline.
It was pretty crazy last year beard in 5-7 days, now with nothing - like 0.6-1 days. On R-andro and 4-andro, full beard in 0.5 days. So yeah the stuff works but if anyone has a temper, aggression, etc., they should err on the side of caution.
Also, pretty much not good for studying. AND when I took stimulants (say 80/the last 550days+), agitation was HIGH, very high. And I needed something to bring it down maybe 21 times.
So all in all:
FIne for PFS.
FINE for suppression.
*NOT GREAT* for Mood and FOCUS issues.
AND---> *potentially risky*.
--> I only did this because of impatience and also I was getting stronger weekly, ... basically addictive tendencies. Not very smart, but I also
---> didn't think I'd recover until maybe Feb-March and really like May to June, I realized (wow... I've gotten like 1000x better).
Again: I in no way advocate overdosing ANYTHING at all in life: sex, caffeine, workout drugs, whether real steroids or not. Nothing.
Everything in moderation.
I was fine, but I did storm out maybe 5-8times.
- - - Updated - - -
It wasn't on purpose* and I hate being angry.
Anger really is a poison and it hurts the person. Same with depression, anxiety etc. --> Combined with alcohol?
-Super Destructive. I quit drinking mostly at 23 though.
But* I think over aggression (anger***, agitation when really bad) and Depression*** are the worst emotions. I could be wrong - it's case to case.
I mean normally for people with a "standard emotional range".
Anger has it's uses. Dr. Drew says "Disgust is the best motivator in life." --> I like that guy. He's a good Psychologist it seems lol.
As someone that took adderall for years...I crack up when I read your posts CSM lol... because I've had the head space that you seem to stay in naturally lol
lol I'm actually jelly because if that headspace is anything like modafinil I love it. Unfotrunately can't use that anymore until I'm fully recovered because too strong of a stim worsens my sleep problems (I still have them but managable with protocol + phen in moderation)Quote:
Originally Posted by DrivenToRecover
u taking any stims nowdayz @CSM?
Note to self I sleep way better if I don't eat anything 4 hours before bed.
I messed with Addy's this summer. We would take them and then go to the bar. Fun, but damn.....I had absolutely NO appetite whatsoever. I can't see how people take them daily. I would waste away to nothing. I guess if you have an imbalance it would be different. Plus after a couple days of binge drinking and limited sleep, the depression on come down was pretty rough.
Now just imagine taking it daily from age 7-22 and you have my childhood lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Cdsnuts
Its controversial, but I don't agree that pharmaceutical meth corrects any kind of imbalance.
My opinion now is that the people that should really be given adderall are the sick older people that can't get any kind of stimulation naturally anymore.
I'm going to agree with you there. There is a reason why the imbalance exists in the first place. It can be a variety of things, but I can tell you it's not an amphetamine deficiency.....lolQuote:
Originally Posted by DrivenToRecover
sleep down swing this week. could only get 5 hours unfortunately. well I guess I get more free time lol
interesting listening to tim ferriss podcast. mushroom expert. highly recommend but it's only on itunes not youtube yet so can't link.
@Cdsnuts you have pfs for about 5 years. at what stage did your sleep go back to normal? I know things started to go faster once protocol was dialed in but was it the first year or deeper in like 4th year?
I had it for longer then five years.....I was on fin 2003-2007, I found PH in 2007, so that's when I stopped, but I had symptoms pretty much six months after I started....just didn't realize it was the propecia. I'd say I was in the shit for a good 7, or maybe 8 years. Obviously to varying degrees as I healed. I made my recovery post in 2012.Quote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
Sleep was always touchy with me, but when that started to come back, the healing really accelerated. I'd say for me, sleep really got good towards the last year or so. Keep in mind I'm going off shady memory.....
I just remember waiting which seemed like forever to post my recovery because I wanted to make sure I had no more nasty downswings. I was pretty much good from the beginning of 2012 onward....I believe I made my recovery post in August of that year?
nice yeah. I just find it peculiar that my sleep is still this dodgy during downswings. thanks! Found out my neighbors kids were playing basketball in the wee morning hours too so that might've woke me up too but couldn't get back to sleep.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cdsnuts
Everyone is a little different when it comes to symptoms. Sleep is just one of the more pesky ones for you. It is what it is man. It will all work itself out in the end. You know the drill. You don't need to do anything other then what you've been doing.Quote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
question about 4 andro. don't think I want to cycle again because it suppressed me and don't want to roll the dice again with that (recovered from it tho after about 3 weeks).
I still have a bottle though. would use 4 pills of it biweekly on a saturday be cool and not cause suppression but just a nice little bump? just load myself for extra test when im out clubbing? :P
You could do that, yes. I've done similar thingsQuote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
sweet. yeah i'm thinking about doing that primarily on cycle too. going to a swingers club with this brazilian friends with benefits i have lol
anyone on here down for thailand? slide in the dm's. thinking about doing it november while on cycle
Lol.....nice!Quote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
im gonna have to pass on this, but next year time to get yucky in Vegas!!! hahaQuote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
starting my 4th cycle today! just gunna do 400 r-andro and maybe some 4-andro on saturdays not chronically.
last night was pretty wicked. had sex with 2 new girls. sexually was very close to 100%. strangely I don't respond to porn as much as I did but sex wise I get aroused about the same. (I generally abstain from porn but have some cheat days once every 2 weeks or so).
beet juice powder is very good btw. I added it to my shakes and think it's gunna be a new staple. highly recommend.
Remember this post when you're in a downswing and start to doubt your recovery bro.....Quote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
yeah I'm my own worst enemy during downswings :) thanksQuote:
Originally Posted by Cdsnuts
We all are/were bro.Quote:
Originally Posted by jacknap
slept pretty good last night. I cranked up the volume in pink noise + 3 grams niacinamide (gbolduev recommended me it for sleep) gets my sleep to like 95%. Just two quick wakes.
When I have the protocol/things that work for me dialed in I'm pretty close to normal just some minor things right now.
1) some numbness in the dick
2) takes about 2 minutes to get heated up for sex (libido sometimes lower than it used to be too) and I don't respond to porn as fast as I used to I gotta warm up.
3) the frequent wakes / not being able to stay asleep
4) sometimes I feel like my face is retaining more sodium makes if puffy though when I lose weight it looks the way it used too. I was probably too skinny for my height before anyways though.
5) I have a bit of a twitch in the right side of my jaw. relatively benign and it doesn't really go away it's always there. PRobably pinched a nerve though or something so I don't think this will go away. It was the actual thing that I thought was the hole in my head feeling because it translates into the head pressure I was always talking about.
I think that's pretty much it. Which is saying a lot because I had like 30+ symptoms when I first crashed