Been a long time coming! Overwhelmed and don't know where to start.

[coppersocks]

Hey man you seem to be avoiding something that I consider to be one of the most important pillars of the protocol (and possibly one of the best life tools in general); meditation. It honestly is one of the best things to stop your mind racing and prevents you from going through the crazy ups and downs that we experience, despite how your body feels. The whole point of it is divorce yourself from that voice in your head and be present in the moment. You say you're consumed with thoughts of PFS, that it's all you think about. Why? If you stop for a moment and just scan your body, what's hurting you right now? Nothing. Are you in any physical pain due to PFS? No. Yes hormones and health have an impact on thoughts but it also works the other way. Once you learn to stop your mind racing, and stop following it down the stressful paths that it tries to take you then your stress hormones will stop pumping into your body as much.

Since you are having trouble with it this is how I meditate, it's honestly not hard or complicated.

Sit down and get comfortable, either on a cushion with your legs crossed or on a chair with your palms resting on your knees.
For a few moments I just look around my room, I look at my wardrobe, wall, anything, it doesn't matter. Just let your eyes wonder where they want.
After about twenty seconds of that I close my eyes and I start to pay attention to my breath. In, out. In, out. Once I'm comfortable I kind of do a physical scan of my body with my mind. I focus on my head and neck, noting any discomfort that I wasn't previously aware of, then my shoulders, back, etc.. all the way down to my toes. After that I just pay attention to my breathe or I listen to the ambient sounds in my room; the sounds of cars outside, birds singing, hum of my computer. I don't listen for them I just let the sounds come to me. Then back to my breath. In, out. And just keep repeating this kind PAYING ATTENTION to anything that is actually happening in or around me. That's all meditation is, just paying attention.
Now what will happen is that your mind will wonder. It will, it constantly does. You'll lose yourself in a thought and forget to pay attention to your breath or anything else that you are paying attention to, it may happen every few seconds even- particularly at the start. This is normal and natural, do not get annoyed at this because it is meant to happen. All your job is to do is to draw your attention back to the moment- your breath. In, out. In, out. In, out. When you do that the stream of thought that you were just on will just melt away. And that's the point, it's not about "clearing your mind" because that pretty much impossible and will lead to frustration, what it's about is training your mind to let go of thoughts that cause you stress or suffering or anything else melt away and realise that they don't own you and that they're not actually you.

Do it when you first wake up for fifteen minutes a day and I guarantee you will see some benefit. I hope this helps demystify the whole thing for you, it's really not hard!

[Cdsnuts]

Hey man you seem to be avoiding something that I consider to be one of the most important pillars of the protocol (and possibly one of the best life tools in general); meditation. It honestly is one of the best things to stop your mind racing and prevents you from going through the crazy ups and downs that we experience, despite how your body feels. The whole point of it is divorce yourself from that voice in your head and be present in the moment. You say you're consumed with thoughts of PFS, that it's all you think about. Why? If you stop for a moment and just scan your body, what's hurting you right now? Nothing. Are you in any physical pain due to PFS? No. Yes hormones and health have an impact on thoughts but it also works the other way. Once you learn to stop your mind racing, and stop following it down the stressful paths that it tries to take you then your stress hormones will stop pumping into your body as much.

Since you are having trouble with it this is how I meditate, it's honestly not hard or complicated.

Sit down and get comfortable, either on a cushion with your legs crossed or on a chair with your palms resting on your knees.
For a few moments I just look around my room, I look at my wardrobe, wall, anything, it doesn't matter. Just let your eyes wonder where they want.
After about twenty seconds of that I close my eyes and I start to pay attention to my breath. In, out. In, out. Once I'm comfortable I kind of do a physical scan of my body with my mind. I focus on my head and neck, noting any discomfort that I wasn't previously aware of, then my shoulders, back, etc.. all the way down to my toes. After that I just pay attention to my breathe or I listen to the ambient sounds in my room; the sounds of cars outside, birds singing, hum of my computer. I don't listen for them I just let the sounds come to me. Then back to my breath. In, out. And just keep repeating this kind PAYING ATTENTION to anything that is actually happening in or around me. That's all meditation is, just paying attention.
Now what will happen is that your mind will wonder. It will, it constantly does. You'll lose yourself in a thought and forget to pay attention to your breath or anything else that you are paying attention to, it may happen every few seconds even- particularly at the start. This is normal and natural, do not get annoyed at this because it is meant to happen. All your job is to do is to draw your attention back to the moment- your breath. In, out. In, out. In, out. When you do that the stream of thought that you were just on will just melt away. And that's the point, it's not about "clearing your mind" because that pretty much impossible and will lead to frustration, what it's about is training your mind to let go of thoughts that cause you stress or suffering or anything else melt away and realise that they don't own you and that they're not actually you.

Do it when you first wake up for fifteen minutes a day and I guarantee you will see some benefit. I hope this helps demystify the whole thing for you, it's really not hard!

Thanks for sharing. I would like this post twice if I could.

Just to add to this:

Everything he said is fine, and that's one way to do it.

I do it a little bit different. He is right that your mind will wander ALOT in the beginning as this is the state that it is used to being in CONSTANTLY. And he is right that the point of meditation is to bring yourself into the present moment. That is where life happens. Not in the future, not in the past...but NOW.

I don't focus on anything except my breath, in the very beginning. I let thoughts come and go. But because I'm a bit practiced at it, what happens to me after about five, sometimes fifteen minutes, is that ALL thought vanishes. This is the state that I am working for. This is the state all meditation is about. I become completely present in the moment. No thought....just now. This state is accompanied by a very pleasant and euphoric feeling of complete contentment in just simply BEING.

I try and stay in this space for as long as I can. The longer, the better. This state is where all of the benefits come from. The complete quieting of the racing, wandering mind. The complete peace and contentment. When there, I don't want it to end because it feels so good. When I'm in this state I also get this sensation in my minds eye...it's hard to explain, but it's a feeling of...um....it's a feeling of smoothness, if that makes sense. Flow, I guess you could call it. It is really blissful.

I can hear what is going on around me. The birds chirping, the wind blowing, but NO THOUGHT. I am completely centered. I am the center of the universe and everything is happening around me, but I am an anchor in the moment. Picture the eye of the hurricane. Chaos around you, but complete serenity in the middle. This is where I am, in the middle. Centered.

When the feeling starts to wane, sometimes after only a few minutes, sometimes after twenty, I slowly open my eyes and just sit with myself for a few minutes. This feeling you created in your mind stays with you for a good majority of the day. Things seem easier. The more you practice, the easier it will be to reach this state.

Twice a day is the sweet spot for me, but ANYTIME you can devote to it is beneficial. I shoot for twenty or twenty five minutes first thing in the morning and about the same amount of time at the end of the day.

Keep doing this, and great things will start to happen to your consciousness.

The breathing exercises get your mind in this state easier then if you didn't do the breathing first. A quick three rounds of breath work before meditation will take your practice to the next level.

This is a life practice and will yield huge benefits with continued practice, just like all parts of this protocol will. The mind work just ties all of the ends together very nicely.

And again, Coppersocks is spot on in regards to this being one of the most important parts of the healing protocol for you mind.