Total Male Optimization "People who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those that are doing it"
bit of a down swing. Have that wake up were I can't get back to sleep after 3 hours of sleep and stayed awake for 1.5-2 hours. Took an l-theanine and kava tincture and got the bulk of the rest of my hours.
at least these are nights are becoming fewer and farther between.
next cycle I think i'm gunna do 600mg (I did it for two days this cycle and liked it even MORE).
If I do a third cycle I'll add 4 andro too cuz my bloods showed low T high DHT so my shit might e a low T problem rather than DHT (The compound I took slaughters all androgens not just DHT).
used 5adp at like 7pm too. Strange thing with it, it only hit me the first time I used it now it does nothing. hmmm. I only use it like once or twice a week too.
Last edited by jacknap; 01-05-2018 at 01:27 PM.
From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.
feeling a bit emotional today. lurked my dad's facebook and he stopped posting things around the time of my crash.. and he had some really sad things too... gave both my parents a hug and told them how much I love them.
I really hope I can make it up to him because although he has been frustrated not believing me at times he has done a shit load for me and just want to make him proud.
I really hope I can get back my health. This shit is scary and filled with question marks. Thank you everyone here who has supported me.
Been crying past few hours on/off.
I hope if I fully recover I can make the world a better place and cut out some of the douchery I exhibit. (Though when I have my upswings I sometimes am guilty of the same old same old)
From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.
I know where your coming from with regards to relationships affected by this. My relationship has taken a toll with my old man too. I feel bad about it and I just wanna make the old man proud again and happy that im doing alright. It’ll happen mate
Last edited by Pageidol; 01-06-2018 at 04:39 AM. Reason: Typo
Chin up lad, I know the impact of all of this can have on our loved ones, my father couldn’t understand it but I know it caused him a lot of grief and worry, basically once you start feeling better they start feeling better, so keep on goin bro you’ve been doing a great job with this.
Just keep in mind, the best thing you can do for anyone in your life, is recover.
And....cry. Let that shit out. It's toxic to carry that around inside you. You should be happy that you're able to feel emotions again...bad or good. You can increase the expenditure of negative emotions by doing a few rounds of breathing exercises....it'll open the flood gates.
Total Male Optimization "People who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those that are doing it"
pretty bad down swing past week or so. had like zero libido/erectile function with a girl last night.
besides the ebb and flow of things my new years celebration was not a good idea + the ladies keep up too late sometimes (this girl drank too much and I had to nurse her before she got home, no I didn't drink myself but she kept insisting to have more drinks and then it all hit her.. sigh.)
at least there's upswings though that gives more faith to full recovery.
first 2 weeks on cycle were the best. My libido was pretty high just not as strong erections. weeks 3-4 not as good but decent. weeks 5-6 (currently in shitty down swing.
my worst symptoms are sleep = frequant wakes and sometimes cant get back to sleep.
libido/erectile function.
my face is looking closer to normal so I posted a video of me performing a song for the first time since May (before I crashed).
From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.
Total Male Optimization "People who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those that are doing it"
I think it's more the uncertainty because I crashed from a completely different chemical and the fact that I was having convulsions and insane headaches that felt like an aneurysm when I first sometimes makes me unsure if it's some sort of organ damage (if it's like a stroke full recovery is kinda bleak - though I did have a CT scan right after the convulsion episode so they would most likely have caught a stroke but after seeing that doctors aren't perfect not always sure). I'm going doing everything in my power though to make it so if recovery is possible I will do it AND I am seeing improvements so it does seem like run of the mill PFS.
I think also during down swings it's harder for me to stay positive because the down swings in themselves I'd imagine = lower neurosteroids so easier to be depressed.
From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.
got chlamydia so gotta do antibiotics for at least 1 week. sigh.. they took a long time to notify me because of the holidays
From rock bottom to rockstar, baby.