Let’s Go - My Journey to 100%

[Maxout777]

I guess it’s time for another update.

I’ve been exercising the last few weeks, moving somewhat closer to what my pre-lockdown levels of workout intensity were. Right now I’m averaging 6 workouts per week, but I need to be doing something every day. Working a muscle group, or sprints. I might look into those exercise resistance bands, but for now I have 4lbs, 7 lbs, and 15 lbs dumbbells.

I have leg day covered, using two big jugs of Poland Spring water with handles on them. They weigh about 22 lbs each or something like that, and when I’m holding one in each hand it’s a lot better than body weight squats. I’m able to feel sore the next day or two afterwards, so that’s a good sign. But I need to spread that further away from my sprinting days.

For chest, what I’m doing is supersets to compensate for not having heavy (for me) weights. Those 15 lbs dumbbells are very heavy when you just maxed out on push-ups 3 seconds ago. What I should do is then go to the 7 lbs, and then the 4 lbs ones. 5 sets of that, twice a day, would be solid. It should ideally be 15 sets of chest work, but I feel like my options for chest exercises are limited.

For shoulders, my home setup is actually not far off from what I had in the gym. I always used dumbbells and supersetted lateral, forward, and overhead raises. It’s pretty intense when you superset them, but they became my best muscle group. I also think, aesthetically, shoulders are the most important muscle group because they make you look wider up top and therefore you get more of that V-shape.

For back day, I’ve been doing bent over wide rows and reverse flys. I also have a pull-up bar for my doorframe, and I superset pull-ups into the rows and flys. The problem is that I can’t do that many pull-ups anymore, only 3 when I’m fresh. I felt like I was getting a good workout but again, I should probably be supersetting these with dumbbells. Maybe get 12 lbs dumbbells or 10 lbs.

On the red light front, I’m starting a routine where I use the Joovv one day, and the hair helmet thing the next. When I use the Joovv and the hair helmet the same day, the red light lasers actually start to give me a big headache for the last 5 minutes I’m using it.

I’m hoping that I didn’t lose all of my progress, hopefully it’ll come back. No MW except after pine pollen tincture days - and I think that’s a sign that I haven’t lost all my progress. Originally, even pine pollen tincture or a mega dose of the powder wouldn’t give me morning wood. My libido and sensitivity are still bad, though. I’m looking forward to when I have another upswing. I think that will come with more workouts.

My personal life has been hard lately, because my father is an incredible asshole and started mocking me for being what he considers a complete failure, etc. He was incredibly condescending and said that I was just now expressing interest in a career, but he said I’m too incompetent for any of my goals and that it’s his “duty as my father” to give me “cold hard reality.” The man has zero friends, is a horrible husband, neither of his sons talk to him except on holidays, and he’s been chronically depressed his whole life. So his advice is worth fuck all. He has zero clue about my field, and arrogantly thinks he knows more about it than I do. He thinks I know nothing, and that I’ve done nothing with my life, which is not true. He shows no respect for me whatsoever. It took a long time to break away from all the negativity I unconsciously picked up from him, and he’ll never drag me back down to his level.

I’m not going to listen to him, but it will 100% cause massive drama when he finds out about me moving and starting the business. It just adds a level of stress that I did not need. I wish I had two supportive parents instead of one supportive one, and one massively negative one. He’s treating me the way he did when I first crashed with PFS, near-death with panic attacks, and was living at home after losing my job. I really want nothing to do with him anymore. I don’t want to see him for my birthday, just my mom, or maybe my brother and his wife.

My job has become horrible, so I need to ramp up my preparations for my business and get my exit strategy rolling. I might also make a separate side business where I’ll refer personal injury cases to other lawyers. I’m good with digital ads, so maybe that could work out as a side thing.

1.) Ignore your father - people like that have no place in your life in general, let alone in your current situation. You can love and support your father without letting him hold a spot in your life that’s influential. I do it all the time with family members. It’s a cold hard reality as you said, but certain family influence is toxic. Doesn’t mean we don’t love and support them, but we don’t let them bring us down. Fight the good fight my friend.

2.) I wouldn’t recommend doing “something” everyday regarding training other than walking. If you’re not doing sprints or weightlifting, try an hour of normal pace walking. You’ll be amazed as to how you feel after without taxing the system. I walk about three miles at a normal pace daily whether I go to a CrossFit class, do sprints, or not. I rarely do sprints these days due to the injury risk - as I get plenty of HIIT in a WOD. Anyways, recovery is super important here - if you workout too much you’ll keep your body from having any reserves to “beat the PFS”.

[LetsGo]

1.) Ignore your father - people like that have no place in your life in general, let alone in your current situation. You can love and support your father without letting him hold a spot in your life that’s influential. I do it all the time with family members. It’s a cold hard reality as you said, but certain family influence is toxic. Doesn’t mean we don’t love and support them, but we don’t let them bring us down. Fight the good fight my friend.

2.) I wouldn’t recommend doing “something” everyday regarding training other than walking. If you’re not doing sprints or weightlifting, try an hour of normal pace walking. You’ll be amazed as to how you feel after without taxing the system. I walk about three miles at a normal pace daily whether I go to a CrossFit class, do sprints, or not. I rarely do sprints these days due to the injury risk - as I get plenty of HIIT in a WOD. Anyways, recovery is super important here - if you workout too much you’ll keep your body from having any reserves to “beat the PFS”.

1) Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I agree that my father shouldn’t have an influential role in my life or decisions (anymore.)

What he was telling me was not really cold hard reality as he described it - it was pessimistic worst case thinking, combined with him not understanding my field at all.

I’ve struggled a lot and didn’t live up to my career expectations, and I also picked a field that is much more competitive and difficult than I’d expected. I had seen a therapist who taught me about REBT (Rational Emotional Behavioral Therapy) and it’s been helpful to me - I don’t tend to go deep down into negative thought spirals like I used to. “If only I did XYZ! Now it’s too late, therefore I’m doomed.” Or “I have XYZ attribute that can’t be changed. Therefore, I cannot do ABC which is absolutely required for me to be happy.” That type of thinking is my dad’s bread and butter and it’s what I’ve moved away from.

I’m just trying to chart a course to where I can support myself when I move to NYC, which I want to happen soon. I missed so many years of work for various reasons, including PFS - and my father piling on verbal abuse. I was an empty shell. I took whatever job I could, and hoped that my current job would allow me to transfer to NYC, but it doesn’t look like that will ever happen, so I have to find another way. That’s honestly almost a bigger concern for me than overcoming PFS right now, as ridiculous as that sounds. I could support myself for a year with my savings so I shouldn’t be so afraid, but I am.

2) This also makes sense.

Until pretty recently, I basically stopped working out altogether, when the gym shut down. That was over 3 months of not working out. (Somehow my arms only shrank from 14.15 to 14 inches. I was shocked I lost such little muscle mass.) For a good 2 months or so, I still had my normal ups and downs, and then the ups stopped - it felt as if the hormonal benefits of working out kept going for 2 months and then wore off. So I came up with some home workouts, but they’re generally not as good as what I did at the gym, where I have things like a bench press, incline press, and lots of machines. Right now I’m easing back into daily workouts and am doing 5 sets (with supersets) most days. It should really be 15 sets of 3 different exercises, and have a rest day every week.

The protocol calls for, I think, 4 lifting days and 2 (to 3) sprinting days, so that would be 6 to 7 days, if you count the sprinting as workouts. I think incorporating a rest day is a good idea, for my body, and also to give myself a break. Maybe I can work out 2 body groups per day or something so I can hit 15 sets - my goal is hormonal benefits and healing from PFS more so than putting on size, although it is nice to put on size.

Thanks for your helpful input, you always have good info.