Beginning of my recovery story

[Thetfordboy]

Thank you, I don't smoke, drink or do drugs but my problem was always binge and restrict cycles so food was always something I turned to in times of hardship.

I am currently taking time off work due to the stress of this all and staying with my parents back in my native Ireland as my mental health had deteriorated even further the last few days and I was getting pulled at work over bad performance. I am really finding this all very hard to deal with and often get paralysed with fear. I plan to eat normally until next week and then do the 7 day water fast and start again. What threw me off is that I did the 9 day juice fast and put in such effort and then when I realised I'd done it wrong my whole fragile mind snapped.

To me my biggest fear/psychological issue is my ed and loss of libido, my libido has totally gone again and ed has returned firmly and it feels like anti freeze is on my penis and I can't describe how psychologically that affects me. It's like I can't walk or move my arms and it just terrifies me. It just really scares me, I have started getting panic attacks-I never had these before. Even on the plane home last night, I had one and the staff had to move me. I don't understand what is happening.