can anyone chime in on why I haven’t been feeling very depressed & suicidal for a while?

It’s bizzare but I actually want to embrace these downswings cause I know I’m in the right direction.

After a couple of shitty downswings where all kinds of uncomfortable thoughts & feelings came up, it did feel like I hit some sort of new mental baseline.. I don’t even know honestly. I’m not good with going by feel so I don’t wanna make conclusions..

Now it seems like if I’m going down it’s more of a less cheerful mood, more quiet, more lethargic.. but not that state I initially described.

Maybe these intitial downswings was analysis paralysis?? Or was it really what it was?? I have been better mentally in very slight ways..