Just my two cents man...

You are SO HIGH, and then you are SO LOW. But you already know that and its something you need to address.

The one thing that is majorly hindering your progress is right in front of you, you're acknowledging it whilst with the next breath confused as to why you're having difficulty. You need to step away from this thing being your absolute life and the total definition of you. Read English's posts about the mental aspect. This is the one thing that is totally holding you back and presenting your issues... you must be slamming your cortisol through the roof whenever anything doesn't go totally to plan...

You need to accept you can't control the uncontrolables, you need to find yourself a life away from this thing and focus on mental wellness more than physical wellness. The second it clicks and you can get to the point where it doesn't occupy every single thought, the second you'll start moving forward. Do what makes you happy and focus on that, before long you'll find regardless of your side effect situation you'll be able to go days sometimes without thinking about it... and at that point, the cortisol stops, the healing and moving forward begins.

Examples... skip out the gym to go to the beach and take in a beautiful day, skip this forum for a couple of weeks and take that girl out you're on about. I talked on another thread about how to deal with girls when you have PFS, which I think you read (if you didn't then let me know and i'll dig it out). I think some time away from immersing yourself in this forum and the minutae about what people discuss will serve you well.

And before you think our situations are different. We are more alike than you think. I've been going through this since the beginning of 2013. I did myself more damage all through 2013 with trying all kinds of pharma crap that I imagine set me back even more, I literally travelled to the other side of the world to see a quack doctor who claimed he could help but used me as a guinea pig.... I was tested to the limit with what I went through. Then at the beginning of 2014 I came across CD's story and only then did the healing start. But it took me a while beyond there to get my head right mentally, it was a process. The second it no longer defined me, I moved forward immeasurably.

Im one that sticks to the protocol to the letter and CD has been a great friend to me through all i've been through, he's someone I respect as a person more than many lifelong friends. But my progress has been start stop, and slow. I've seen people start on this road and be healed in under a year, all along while i've been chugging along slowly... I am getting better, I can't not, its just it takes different people different lengths of time. I don't let it bother me, I just keep on keeping on knowing ill get there. You know why I can feel like that and not the 'why me? I'm working so hard' mentality?! Because life right now and for a long time has been good. Really fucking good. Once you're out of the initial period where you are in a state of flux, anyone can feel the same. Life is what you make it, and you are only as limited as you let yourself feel.

Do what makes you happy, even if it means you haven't done your X number of work outs a week. One night if something cool is happening, stay up late and enjoy it without worrying about consequence. It'll do you more harm than good as long as you are moderate with it. Don't let this define you. Get out and get with that girl, and if things dont work out with her, get with the next one. Then the next. Then the next.

Don't let life pass it by bro, you've got this. Its hard to take the step, but also the easiest and most important thing you will do on the path to healing.